A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my guy for a while now,I really love him and really want to have sex,but I'm a virgin and the thought of my hymen breaking makes me literally sick.But on the otherhand when im with him..anytime at all I want it soo much.When were alone together I forget my fears.I know it sounds stupid since im not scared when Im with him but I get so nauseas thinking about it when I'm not,Im really scared of the pain.He has used his fingers before and usually after a second the pain subsides and its great,He has HUGE fingers.But sometimes he heads straight to my crotch and I want it but I swear he's never heard of the clitoris before and its hurt pretty bad.Too be fair though I'm pretty terrible myself haha.A while ago we spent a few nights together and it was all perfect and I was so happy and ready to go but I got my period/didnt check calender so it didn't happen.He is decent sized and im just so scared of the pain.I look at it and cant help but think..thats not going to fit..though Im so desperate to try.I know between us we'll work it out but i just want to know..since nearly everyone says there frst time hurt,are there many exceptions?..Is the pain bearable?I feel so sad because I just want to be connected with him but the thought of tearing down there makes me sick.Sorry to be a bit graphic =/
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clitoris, hymen, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2012): Post sender here.I am turned on when Im with him though,and even though he does'nt have his technique down pat it's still wonderful.I just meant that at times physiqually it doesn't feel as though my body will stretch to fit him...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): Don't worry, you may not feel any discomfort at all. If you have been using tampons the deed is done anyway. It really is no big deal, so relax, that's best.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (30 June 2012):
 First off, you shouldn't be having sex until he figures out where your clitoris is. If you can't even master the most basic part of sex, arousal, you should not be having sex! Let me frame it this way. Would you ever even think it's possible to have sex with a man before he's hard? No, of course not! So why would you think it's possible to have sex before you're turned on too?
First thing you need to do, start masturbating. If you don't know how to turn yourself on, you can't expect him to. So go experiment. Many women find this website helpful:
http://clitical.com/
Once you know what you like, experiment with him. Put your hand over his and show him how you like to be touched. If you prefer a toy, give it to him and teach him how to use it. But however you do it, be sure the two of you can get to an orgasm together (even if that's him kissing you while you get there yourself).
On to the actual sex part, he's not too big. When you're not aroused your vagina is pretty small. But when you are aroused it can expand to the size of a fist. Think about what your vagina is built to hold, a baby. A penis is no problem size-wise if you're aroused. As for tearing your hymen, there is nothing to worry about with this. A LOT of women tear theirs as kids, gymnastics, horses, bikes, falling, etc... and the ones who don't, well you don't really have nerves there. It really does not have a sensation. During surgical procedures to remove the hymen, they don't generally use any kind of anesthetic. The pain women refer to when they lose their virginity is 99% of the time because they weren't aroused enough and it hurts to stretch your vagina.
So if you get close to orgasm ahead of time so you're extremely aroused, use lube, and relax, it should not hurt at all. My first time I wasn't turned on at all, not even a little and yeah it hurt, but it's not like being "torn apart" or anything, it's just uncomfortable. If you're turned on it shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable. Stop playing images in your head of your vagina being torn up, because that's not how it happens, I promise. I assume you trust your boyfriend, tell him to go slow and be gentle. It's not like the guy is supposed to shove it in in one go! Sometimes also if he just touches the head of his penis into the outer part of your vagina and just moves in out and in tiny movements (like millimeters) it sends the message to your body to open up and lubricate.
You gotta relax, even the worst case scenario is not bad and you won't have the worst case scenario.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (30 June 2012):
 Of course the pain is bearable, and in the end, well worth it!! :) The pain is temporary, but don't expect your first time to feel all that great. Just like anything else, it gets better with a little experience and practice. But as you will find out, sex feels AMAZING!!!! Especially when you have sex with a man you love. Good luck and enjoy!
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