A
female
age
30-35,
*dontknowit
writes:My boyfriend is my second boyfriend.. I am still virgin... and he is too. At this time, He wish something for his birthday. He wants anal sex :| at first I really do not agree about it but I love him I want to make him happy. I am a little bit worried but he is not worried at all. We will only use oil or lotion for lubricants and he will not use condom... Is that safe? :| Its our first time. :o
View related questions:
anal sex, condom, lubricant Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, stateside  +, writes (16 October 2011):
That should be the very last thing you should do and you should even skip it then! If you want to do something special without having penetration, there is many other ways to have fun with your boyfriend.
Try Google before you try anything like that! A teenage guy is so easy, almost anything you do will be very special. But call your boyfriend and tell him No!
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (13 October 2011):
If this is what your bf has asked for I would seriously question his sincerity and intentions. This doesnt add up in my book, no virgin guy I ever new was thinking about doing this. And if he is not the virgin he claims to be you would have serious risk of injury and infection that my affect your whole life. Don't even contemplate it any more. Better still find a guy who puts you first.
...............................
A
male
reader, DDOC +, writes (13 October 2011):
If you are 16 - 17 yrs old.... and a virgin.... I personnaly think that your entire outlook on sex will be forever changed (and not for the better) if you allow this "boyfriend" to get his birthday wish. I, like others, question his virginity, and question is "love" for you. Nothing I have heard today makes me think he really cares about you. All I hear is how he has a pornstar fantasy and wnats you to deliver his fantasy. It gives me a bery bad feeling and I fear for you. Anal sex is potentially harmful in many ways... trauma, STIs, and transporting bacteria from your bowels to your vagina if condoms are not used.
So potentially bad for your body and also a bad start for your mind as it will change the way you see sex.
You want to experiment with anal sex? How about start by being completely comoftable with your own sexuality. Then become very comfortable with couple's sexuality in a healthy relationship with someone you tryly like and who truly likes you (which means they do not ask you to do anything you would not wnat to do). Gradually, over months, years, decades, get really good at sexual stuff.... but always reserve a few "unknowns" or a few few differnt things to continue to spice up your sex life with your loved one. Anal sex might be one of those things that spices up yuor love life years or decades down the road..... but to jump right into to this kind of porn star fantasy is dangerous to your sexual well being.... walk away (no run away) from it.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 erm, are you SURE he is a virgin too? HE wants anal. HE doesn't want to use a condom? what about what YOU want?? if he is a virgin, why is he so opinionated about condoms? sorry but he sounds like a bad lot and if i were you i would get him a gift voucher for his birthday instead. seriously
x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): Don't do ANYTHING you don't feel comfortable in doing. Anal sex is something someone should try out when they are 100% comfortable AND 100% sexually experienced (in my opinion, anyway).
You should have vagina sex (only when YOU'RE ready), before having anal sex. Anal sex is a huge step for anybody, let alone someone who's never had vaginal sex. It's certainly not something for a beginner to try. I know people who's been sexually active for 20 years and still hasn't tried anal.
And yes, if you do go through with this you should use a condom to prevent any sort of infection and to help it go in a little easier (obviously you'll need A LOT of lube too).
Just remember, if you're not comfortable with this, DO NOT do it.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 October 2011):
 High five Cindy!
...............................
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (12 October 2011):
 This is not a good idea on so many levels. Unprotected sex is something to take very seriously. Unprotected anal sex is actually more risky than unprotected vaginal sex.I've read about lots of girls especially in the US who think anal sex will protect their virginity, technically yes your still be a virgin however it is a very intimate act your considering, stick to a more traditional present like a jumper!Anal sex really is not something to take lightly, personally I went to try it once and couldn't because it was extremely uncomfortable and painful. I also found it a major turn-off and was extremely upset afterwards and I had been in a loving relationship for many years.I strongly suggest you wait until your more comfortable sexually, and ready and in a trusting loving relationship. You need to have enjoyed what is traditional sex or making love as that will be special, feel amazing if you do it when your ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Hold your horses - and change birthday plsns , because this is really a messed up one.
- You are guarding your hymen and virginity- but getting penetrated anally ?? what kind of " virginity " is this, what's its point and intent ? So that, in case you break up with the current boyfriend, you can fool some poor dumb guy into thinking you are all innocent and inexperienced and sexually brand new ?? very moral, congratulations.
- Anal sex with a total beginner ? Not such a great idea, in fact if you both are so inexperienced it may result into a painful , embarassing time that will dampen your desire for sex rather than stimulating it.
- You say you are worried, and you do not sound totally ready and convinced for this, so why are you going to do it ? To make him happy,- but what about YOUR happiness, your right to have sexual contacts in the way and time you feel more relaxed and excited about ? Do you count NOTHING ?...
- He is not worried at all- it figures. Tell him you want to make his birthday REALLY special and memorable, tell him you'll have anal sex together- but HE'll be the one on the receiving end See if he is still not worried at all :)
- If you still do decide to go ahead and do it , yes , you need to use a condom, what do you think, that because it's a difference orifice you can't catch STDs or infections ? The orifice is different, but his penis and his sperm are the same !!
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Don't agree to something you don't want to do sexually just because it's his birthday, especially if you haven't had regular sex yet. Buy him a sweater or something instead. I also find it incredibly insensitive that he says he's not even a little bit worried. Given that anal sex is difficult to do without pain he should be more concerned about your well-being than about his penis.
Also like Yos says, the fact that he doesn't want to use a condom doesn't show a guy who really cares much about your health or safety.
Condoms need to be worn for anal sex, it's messy and the risk of STIs is increased because there's often more tearing of that delicate tissue (it's not nearly as resilient and sturdy as vaginal tissue).
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 October 2011):
If you haven't had vaginal sex yet I highly recommend you hold off on the anal stuff. Tell your boyfriend you want to wait. The upside is that you'll be able to get a glimpse into his true character by his response to your announcement.
...............................
A
female
reader, carebare +, writes (12 October 2011):
I second RedAthena. Don't do this if you are not ready.
Just to add:
Please, please DO use a condom with a water-based lubricant. You can still get STIs from anal sex and if any semen drips around your vagina, there is a small chance you could get pregnant. Besides, it's just much cleaner to use a condom anyway.
Also, do not ever go straight from anal to vaginal sex without washing up and changing the condom or you will get a urinary tract infection.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Use a condom. You do not want to get infected with anything. You should use a condom if you plan to have anal sex.
Also, it sounds like this is against your will. If you do not want to have anal sex then it is YOUR body, not his. It doesn't matter if it is his birthday, YOU are not his possession. You should only have sex, anal sex, if you also want it. You do not want it. So you must not do it. Sex is not something you should "give" as a gift to someone. Sex is an experience to be shared by two people.
If you want to give him a gift you should give him a gift. Your body is not a possession to give away. Especially if it is against your own will.
Besides, you will not be much of a virgin if you have sex with a man, even if he doesn't penetrate your vagina. To have sex with a man is to be intimate with him. If you want to save yourself for a special man, or a man who will marry you, then you should not be having anal sex either. Anal sex is sex after all.
Don't have anal sex with him just because it is something HE wants. Get him a birthday card instead and some candy. Save sex for when YOU feel ready for it, and when YOU also want it.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2011):
 STDs are not the ONLY reason to use condoms during anal sex... you use them to protect from infection as well. E.coli lives in the rectum and anus and that can be a nasty infection for him.... Anal sex when you are not very experienced will NOT turn out well.
DO NOT do someething you don't agree with...
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 If you don't want to do it don't do it. He can have something else for his birthday. Something you like too.
I also suggest that you leave anal sex off the menu until you're more experienced with normal sex. Otherwise you're likely to have a bad (and messy and painful) time.
The fact that he's also not willing to use a condom is a warning sign: it shows he's not concerned enough for your health and wellbeing.
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (12 October 2011):
 If you do not agree with it then DONT. Save sex until you are ready.
Consider that once you start with that experimentation, it is going to be VERY tempting to try vaginal sex right then and there. He may try to talk you into doing more that you are not prepared for.
Also, since he is requesting this for his birthday, it makes it more about him, rather than a shared experience.
Reconsider a different present.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): I dont think you should do this. You clearly do not want to and you should never ever be persuaded into doing something you dont want. If your boyfriend tries to persuade you or makes you feel bad for not doing it then I'm sorry he is clearly not the right guy for you.
My answer is. Even if you DID want to do it.. I would insist on condoms (who cares if he doesnt like them, this is your safety we are talking about..) and use LOTS of lube.
NEVER do anything you dont want
NEVER have sex without a condom unless your 100% sure
just dontthink this is right for youat the moment.
...............................
A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (12 October 2011):
Use a condom. and it is safe but seriously im not even joking i just herd this but, this girl from my friends school had anal sex. During sex they ripped the skin from there vagina to there anus. I did not know that was even possible to do but I am in a sexuality class in college and this was brought up and it is possible. That is the only scary dangerous thing I have herd about anal sex but im not a girl but after hearing that Im pretty sure no girl in my class is going to have anal sex...
...............................
|
