A
female
age
30-35,
followtheblackrabbit
writes:Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother and she doesn't see him "that way" and then climbs on the back of Mr Douche's motorcycle and rides off into the night with her hair blowing in the wind and exhaust pipe smoke blowing into the Nice Guy's face. Then, a piano fall on her head, or she simply finds Mr. Douche with unsavory bed companions and she runs away-into the rain- and arrives at Nice Guy's house. Erm awkward. He's dating an angel and has a puppy. Rejected girl goes crying home to mom who proceeds to tell her, "I told you so." I read a few articles stating that biologically, women are supposed to be more attracted to the tough guys, the manly men, the bad boys, the flea-picking Neanderthals and the hearty chauvinists like King Henry VIII who need a breeding cow and nothing more. That dooms us as a gender, doesn't it? If we're programed to fall for the ones who can give us "stronger" children and then, proceed to leave us for the next attraction, how do we avoid heartbreak? But then, is it really promised that things will work out with the Nice Guy? You May Think You Know, But You Have NO Idea...A wise and lovably crazy aunt once told me, the only reason girls avoid nice guys is because they seem to lack passion. Then, she proceeded to somewhat traumatize me with the story of the bad boy in her youth who made her heart hammer when he cornered her for kisses and ran his hands up her blouse. When he left her for a girl with a shorter skirt, she went ahead and accepted the proposal of my seemingly shy Uncle. "BEST night I ever had," she recalled with a grin, telling me the story. "I knew he was a giver but-" And I think I ran from the room at that point. But, I did try to listen to the, er, "lesson" behind her story. Enzo was a sweetie, an Italian boy of seventeen who stumbled into my high school with his hesitant english and huge smile. We became friends over a mutual love for video games and in senior year, he wrote me a note to say he liked me. Long story short, he was sweet, I did try. But, something lacked and even he noticed. The connection he had felt, I thought I felt, was based on this incredible sense of friendship that would not turn easily to romantic love. We loved being around each other though but our courtship held no chemistry and it ended on it's own. Second nice guy: Romeo and Juliet without the terrible ending :} Ladies, I think we have to fight this so-called biological preference when it seems that all we're picking are the too-fertile, macho brutes. So, never go look for a guy when you're on your period. I'm serious. When our hormones are so unstable and our bodies are in "find strong mate, mate, think later " mode we're doomed apparently. Don't take my word for it, some scientists came up with the theory. I was on the Doctors show. But seriously, we can't let the nice guys get taken before we've had our chance, nor can we let them fall into the hands of harpies. Solution? Well, let's start a Nice Guy Awareness movement, have scientists develop glasses to golden-hearted sweeties as opposed to the black-hearted womanizers, and...well, I'm out of ideas. What do you think? Why are we passing up the sweeties? Can we fix it? Or are we doomed by this so-called genetic programing?
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male
reader, Mitchell1978  +, writes (20 July 2011):
What exactly is a nice guy? Most people have good and bad sides, i'm usually a quiet guy, a bit shy and insecure sometimes, definitely introverted, this doesn't mean i'm a doormat or want to be, or that i'm always friendly. In general i try to treat people like i want to be treated, does this make me a nice guy, i don't know. All i can say to the Ladies, if extraverted bad boys/macho's are what make your panties wett or whatever, then by all means, go ahead cause you're really not the type of women i would want to be dating anyway.
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reader, Odds  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 @ Cerberus
"...we can only change ourselves and one of the worst mistakes people make is not realizing that. "
Fair point. That's what I get for speaking out of conjecture and hope.
"For a guy one of the best ways to do that is working out, getting fit and having a body that is strong, toned and able to do pretty much any physical task easily and little effort."
Excellent point. In particular, outdoor sports and martial arts are the way to go with this, rather than just weightlifting or running. Not only do they give a more balanced, functional level of fitness, but chicks love seeing a rock climber do his thing, or a muay thai boxer trounce some other guy in a sparring match.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): "I still stand by the idea that girls should invest in helping build a nice guy up into a more assertive version of himself, same as a guy investing the time in helping a plain-looking girl hit the gym and come out of her shell."
That's fair enough Odds except to me, a girl/guy like that is a 'fixer', I've dated girls like that before and realized after much heartache it's not always the best idea to date a girl who wants to 'make you better' or change anything about you. Because people like that don't suddenly stop once she's done her job, they keep going and they keep trying to "make you better", mold you into their vision of perfection. Most of the time that's just not possible. If you're dating someone you want to change then you should be dating someone who's already good enough. It's a very fine between helping a person to be better and controlling them too.
Of course you should always want to be there to help your partner should they need, do your best to always make them feel good about themselves but fixing flaws is no the way to do that.
In my opinion if getting the girl isn't enough of a confidence boost for a person then I don't know what is. If the normal aspects of any relationship, such as the fact you have her, the fact she's crazy about you, wants to spend time with you, the sex, the passion, the love, if all those things aren't enough to give a guy confidence, then what else is she supposed to do? I don't know how a person would go about doing that to be honest without it being a hell of a lot of work. Dating initially is about having as much fun as possible with that other person. That's the greatest basis for a relationship to happen.
Personally I only go for girls who are the complete article, who's flaws are things I can live with permanently without wanting to change her. I would never want to be a girls "helper" or "fixer", she has to bring something to table and already have a life that I want to share.
Odds I know from reading your posts during your time here how aware you are that we just can't change people, we can only change ourselves and one of the worst mistakes people make is not realizing that. Women stay with abusive men for that reason, guys get used by man-eaters thinking that, people who look for others to solve any kind of problem that only they can fix will only ever fail.
I can safely say if people put more faith in themselves, looked to themselves for the solution to their problems, ensured they built themselves up before they went out dating and never dated someone they felt they could change about 90% of the questions we get here wouldn't exist.
You see another issue with dating a girl who you hope will work with you and help you "come out of your shell" is the power dynamic is all off, you're getting into a relationship, putting your heart on the line from a subservient position of weakness, instead of dominance or equality. Again based on my past experiences that's never a good way to be, that's a very big emotional risk and even the nicest of women can learn to abuse that kind of power and then you're worse of in terms of confidence than you were to begin with.
I think basically if a persons confidence is that fragile then they need to do something about that before they embark on dating and stuff or they'll just be too insecure in a relationship anyway.
It's not as hard as people think either. For a guy one of the best ways to do that is working out, getting fit and having a body that is strong, toned and able to do pretty much any physical task easily and little effort. Good health and fitness is an insanely good confidence builder and being healthy and fit is quite attractive to the opposite sex too. Expanding you knowledge beyond your own personal preferences is another great way, there's nothing better for conversation than being well read and up to date in even the random pop culture crap.
Nice guys need to forget about being nice and look for ways to improve their lives, finding fulfillment within themselves and just getting on with making themselves happy. When you reach the point where you're not bothered about having a girl or not, that is the best time to go out there and get one.
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reader, Odds +, writes (18 July 2011):
@ Cerberus
I was using the "treat a girl as special and wonderful" bit as an example of how boys are raised. We're in full agreement on that being the wrong way to have a successful love life.
What I really think it boils down to is that when women say they want a nice guy, what they mean is that they want a guy they are already attracted to (most likely because he is a Dark Triad type - narcissistic, machiavellian, and mildly sociopathic) to treat them well, without losing his edge or his appeal. Kind of like how when I say, "I want a girl who likes Star Trek," what I really mean is "I want a pretty girl who likes Star Trek." The type exists, it's just left unsaid.
Also fully agree on women's emotional need for drama. Providing some amount of drama and handling it deftly is a valuable skill every nice guy should learn. I'm convinced most chicks want drama far more than than they want contentment. It makes some amount of sense - contentment sounds boring, and requires a lot of conflict-avoidance. On an instinctual level, how's a caveman supposed to defend a cavegirl if he's afraid of arguing with her?
I still stand by the idea that girls should invest in helping build a nice guy up into a more assertive version of himself, same as a guy investing the time in helping a plain-looking girl hit the gym and come out of her shell. It's a lot of work, more than most people would be willing to do (I wouldn't blame anyone who didn't want to do it), but I'm still convinced people would be happier in the long run. Admittedly, I'm not working off much of a sample size on that one. But making a man feel confident and good about himself is not the exclusive domain of mothers.
@ Vaeys
Good, you've taken the first steps into a larger world. The bitterness phase is the toughest part, just power through it until you get to the state of mind where you accept women's flaws as a part of nature, same as your own, and can start working with them. When it comes to respect, just remember this phrase: "A gentleman is never rude *unintentionally*."
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2011):
 There's an interesting and provocative take on "nice guys" here: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml
It's way over the top but points out the other factor that people seem to overlook in these types of discussions, that there are different types of women too. We're not all the same, just as there are so-called "nice guys" and "players," among many types of men, there are differing types of women.
I get a bit tired of hearing that all women succumb to "bad boys" and always ignore the "nice guys." That is such a load of malarkey.
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reader, Vaeys  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 So basically..girls want a playing, self-absorbed, mean, heartless guy as a partner to serve their own narcissistic traits and to gain attention from them. They want to feel what, satisfied, about the fact that they're with "Mr. Popular, Big and Strong"?
I was raised to treat not only girls, but guys to, with respect, even if they don't deserve it. I had a girlfriend for 2 years and my biggest regret in that relationship is letting her walk all over me, and letting her get whatever the hell she wanted, in that relationship as it turned her into a right little self-centred brat who treated me like dirt (Yes, I dumped her sorry little behind a few hours ago for being like this toward me).
Just because you're different does not mean you should be treated as such. Just because you lack confidence, self-esteem, looks does not mean that you, by default, have to have some sort of "bad" personality.
It's the girls who chase after the mean guys, the horrible and selfish ones who only seek to pleasure themselves, who end up bitter and alone as they're angry about why no one will chase after them despite them acting like a right heinous B**ch.
Girls need to realise that nice guys, in truth, are in short supply and over-looking them just for attention and for some sort of "self-comfort" mechanism is a stupid thing to do.
In the long run, nice guys never finish last.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): Sorry clicked 'add' but I wasn't finished.
Most "nice guys" only think they are nice, they convince themselves they're too nice to get a girl but that's horseshit because no one is too "nice".
Nice guys don't finish last, wusses and guys who won't compete do. That's not "nice", that's just failure through lack of effort. I know I was that way, I used to consider myself a very nice guy, and I blamed my lack of success on "women only liking bad boys". So I became one and realized that being so wrapped up in what women think, or sitting there bitter looking at assholes getting the girl I didn't realize that I wasn't nice, I was just a wuss that spent all my thinking instead of doing, watching instead of participating, analyzing instead of hunting.
Dating and getting women is possibly the easiest thing in the world when you just don't give a damn and you do it for the hell of it. If I didn't have a girlfriend now I could go out and score tonight, I'm not especially handsome, I'm short and I'm bald. I'm not rich nor successful, not especially funny nor charming but I'd still do it because I can, just like any other guy who cares to try and is willing to and not care what happens.
In my player phase I was fat as hell too, I mean if I was to rate my physical attractiveness back then I'd give myself a 4, but in my mind back then I was a 10, and even though my looks didn't sweep women off their feet the fact that I oozed sublime unwavering confidence was irresistible, possibly even more so because I wasn't handsome.
My advice to nice guys is to stop thinking and start doing. Self belief is very sexy, if you don't have it get it. If you can't get it, fake it and just get out there and give it a shot. Don't take rejection personally and try and learn a lesson from each one. Most importantly a bitter guys with low self-confidence is the biggest turn off in the world. Get rid of bitterness by proving your worth to yourself and fake confidence if you have to because you'll gain confidence from your successes. But most of all don't ever blame women for your lack of success, they can't help who they are, who they like or what they want. Most don't even know it themselves. That's why they like the kind of guy that does, so maybe he can show them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): "We're supposed to treat every girl like she's special and wonderful just for being a chick, rather than giving her just the basic respect that a person deserves for being a human being."
Sorry Odds but that's not true at all. We're not supposed to do anything like that. We're supposed to be men and part of being a man is really not caring too much about what women want or think. When I was in my "player" phase I learned that one of hottest things in the world to a woman is a guy that loves himself and couldn't give a damn about her or how she feels (most women will deny that, but I've learned to never trust the word of a woman on those matters because what they say and what they do are very different things). Most girls have their own delicate self-consciousness, pretty much most women have delicate egos and again most are very weary of how attractive they are or how much fat they have on their body, how desirable they are etc. In other words they don't want a guy who is like that too because they have their own issues of confidence to deal with and you'll find that for most women that is very reliant on the number of attractive guys that approach them. They want a guy who is well balanced, happy with who he is and confident about himself and life. So that maybe some of that can rub off on them, so that by being with him they can feel that way too.
That's why this is also false "A minor point that bothers me is the fact that very few women seem willing to invest in a nice guy and help him grow in confidence and social savvy." That's what mothers are for odds, to tell you you're a lovely guy and make you feel good about yourself. A guy like that is too much work and frankly that's the opposite of what is considered positive masculine traits. We're supposed to be strong and dominant in life. If not physically then mentally, if not mentally then emotionally or even in just one single thing.
You look at romance movies aimed at women, then it's almost always a plain looking girl with glasses and the muscular, emotionally unbalanced "misunderstood" man. The girl is low in confidence but somehow this degenerate hunk and she find common cause and through that fall in love and even though she never thought she could get a guy like him her love is powerful enough to convert him into a nice guy but still one willing protect her. In essence a masculine guy.
Even in movies where the guy is a nerd he ends up standing up to his jock love rival and knocks him on his ass with physical violence, thus he too shows he is capable of displaying an overt masculinity. I'm not saying that women love violent men, most are sensible enough not to but they are very attracted to the type of guy who will take any measure necessary to protect them and make them feel secure, a guy that when needs be will get shit done in other words a guy capable of masculine traits. Nice guys don't have that trait, they don't have enough confidence to stand up for themselves and even if they do they will never seem like that kind of guy because they're not even able to display that kind of drive. Being self-conscious and insecure are traditionally feminine traits.
Of course some women like nice guys, some girls like to mother guys and to be the dominant one in the relationship. But you're not really going to find them easily unless you're out there on the hunt. It seems nice guys lack the necessary tools to hunt successfully because they're too busy over-thinking things, being bitter at their lack of success or being too respectful. I know I was when I thought I was a "nice guy". So I became the exact opposite and treated women like pieces of dirt, bitches only good for using and throwing away once done. It was kind of strange too because when I was like that, they couldn't get enough, they chased me more than I did them and wanted me more because I treated them that way. They ignored all the advice of their friends, their family and even their own good sense because there was just something in them an animal urge to have me because they couldn't have me if you know what I mean.
The thing I learned from those days, the thing I kept when I balanced myself out again is that contrary to popular belief that women like to be wooed and have a guy do everything for them, they actually need to feel that they've worked for it too. They really do like having to make an effort. Being swept of their feet is misleading, because if gives guys who don't know better the impression that they have to do everything, but that's completely wrong and the kind of girl that demands that is in almost all circumstances only using you anyway.
That really is one of the key things nice guys don't understand, bad boys take a lot of work for a woman emotionally and they really do enjoy that effort and the chase. Maybe not all the heartache of the bad boy but they definitely love the drama and the work they have to put in to try and win this guy over emotionally, in my experience this is the biggest thing for a woman to succeed in breaking down that emotional barrier and working their way into that guys heart. There is no greater confidence boost than winning over a guy otherwise didn't seem that bothered.
Of course all of the above is a massive over-generalization but that is based on my experience of 18-25 year olds. Romance is their life's goal, their dream and it is very heavily influenced by their peers and the movies they watch and songs they listen to. I know no woman who is happy being single and the ones that I do know that don't really want a boyfriend are unhappy being single only because they're friends never stop trying to set them up with guys, constantly ask them why they don't, pity them and treat them like there's something inherently wrong with a single woman.
In summary a nice guy is a good for friendship only because he will act as an emotional support and will be trustworthy and respectful but will never display that animal desire for her necessary to throw her feelings caution to the wind enough to actually make her want him. It's not nice to be "nice" because there's pretty much no such thing anyway, no one is perfect and no one is completely nice. The bad traits of the "nice" guy are just not appealing, at least the bad boy has dominant masculine traits.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): Speaking as someone who tried to give a nice guy a chance. Im pretty sure most girls want a guy that is nice, but these guys are often shy,lack confidence and fear rejection, because of this I find that they are not willing to take a risk and put their heart on the line.Also its usually always the girl that has to initiate convo and draw the "nice guy" out and help him open up. This is a risk for the girl, because she never knows where she stands and would question his motives. ie is it all an act? Does he really like me? If the nice guy doesn't eventually step up and go after what he wants then the girl will eventually get tired trying to guess what he wants and move on, because if a guy can't eventually step up no woman will stick around if she thinks its a case of "he's just not that into you"She usually moves onto to a guy that will talk about feelings, and makes it obvious he likes her (but for what), initiates contact makes it clear he's into her therefore the woman sticks around and so yes these guys usually turn out to be the players because it comes so naturally to them.Its a tough old world :)
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reader, Odds +, writes (3 July 2011):
@ Eric.troy
I see what you're getting at. My issue is not in women's taste - sometimes it bothers me, but I understand it's just their nature, not their fault. Getting upset about that is about as productive as fat chicks getting upset about their lack of male attention.
A minor point that bothers me is the fact that very few women seem willing to invest in a nice guy and help him grow in confidence and social savvy. I think girls would be happier if they took the time for that, but again, folks in their teens and twenties aren't famous for their long-term planning - hoping for that is futile. The equivalent here would be an attractive man meeting a fat girl with a great personality, then encouraging her to lose the weight and get healthy and hot. Roughly the same amount of work and likelihood of success, plus it requires the other person's willing cooperation.
My main issue is with the message I think boys get when they're growing up. The lessons boys learn about how to treat girls serve many of them poorly when they start getting interested, and must be very strong lessons to last as long as they do for a lot of guys. To continue with the fat girls example, it would be like telling every overweight little girl that guys prefer them that way - even watching thinner girls have all the success might take a while to undo those young lessons. If I had the power, I might change female preference, but a far more realistic option is just to raise young men to understand all the darker, flawed sides of female nature as well as the good ones.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 @Odds : I see what you mean.. Virtue is supposed to be its own reward :)but I guess it's frustrating doing the right thing... and have the girls snatched away by those who do the wrong thing.
In partial comfort to Nice Guys... maybe the girls that overlook you are not those you'd really like anyway.
I mean- let's make allowances for the teenagers- or let's stretch it to college age. After that, any time a woman over 21 discards the unassuming nice guy in favour of some badass with a big motorcycle , a coke habit and 2 or 3 babymamas in the background.... the nice guy should ask himself " Is that really a loss for me ? Do I really LIKE a woman with this type of tastes ?".
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reader, angelDlite  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 when we are with a nice guy - he makes us confident that he will care for us, no matter what and we KNOW that we have got him right where we want him so there is no motivation there to treat him better! with a bad guy we are kept in a state of feeling like we have to do everything we can to please him in order to try to gain his love and acceptance.
in my opinion, this is all game-playing and it SUCKS. i am still waiting for an EQUAL relationship. does such a thing really exist??
x
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reader, Odds +, writes (1 July 2011):
@ CindyCaresThe issue is when you see pretty girls going for men without steady jobs, clean prison records, or basic table manners - well, for a decent guy, it makes you question whether you've really directed your energy the right way. I agree these qualities *should* be the bare minimum; where a guy can get frustrated is when the energy spent on those seems like it would be better spent on a motorcycle and a few pointless street fights (for younger guys) or on expensive status displays they can't really afford (for older guys). I've seen plenty of guys who lack all three qualities do just fine with women.There's also the issue that the guys I've known throughout my life who get the most or the prettiest girls - they're also the guys who tend to have an active disrespect for women, and generally aren't afraid to show it.I think that, while the expression "nice guys finish last" is well-known, a lot of young men are still raised to treat girls nicely, to show respect, give gifts, and generally try to get their approval. The understanding would be that this behavior should net them at least some minimal success with girls, but it generally does the opposite. We're supposed to treat every girl like she's special and wonderful just for being a chick, rather than giving her just the basic respect that a person deserves for being a human being.There's be less of a nice guy problem if we just told every boy growing up, "Don't be afraid to offend her or lose her, because there are millions of girls just like her or better; if you have to choose between being reliable and being exciting, pick exciting every time; and be a little bit of a prick, they love that."
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 July 2011):
@ Rockshredder : I empathize with your frustration more than you'd think, because I have a Nice Guy young son going through similar issues.
And yet, if you are really so nice, how come you only pay attention to pretty faces ? If you were really SO nice, you'd be drawn to inside beauty , and similar niceness, regardless of the packaging, right ?
Otherwise you can't complain if pretty girls seem to favour sculpted abs, or an expensive haircut ,or whatever exteriority, over your inborn niceness ...
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 July 2011):
Someone should perhaps define in details what they mean by Nice Guy.
I have the feeling that many men, or even most, assume that if they have a steady job, a clean prison record, and semidecent table manners, that's wow-amazing , should grant them female attention galore and should make up for any lack of personality, charisma, charme, wit and what have you.
Sorry guys ,it's not like that . It's good that you can hold a job , don't beat up women and are not a horny dog of a womanizer, - but, it's just the bare minimum for any self respecting woman. THEN, you have to add personal qualities that may result attractive /interesting/intriguing.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 July 2011):
 Rockshedder what is your point? Do you want me to start a list over all the great sides of myself as well and ask why on earth nice guys don't approach me? Everyone could do that, try not to take this personal.
When I hunt down my men I take the lead, because I do get approached by jerks and losers as well, and the seemingly nice guys appear intimidated by a woman. So there's nothing to do but take responsibility yourself.
Maybe your problem is because you don't have female friends, Rosckshedder. You also sound like you have isolated yourself, which you can't really blame on "evil women", or on you being a "nice guy".
If nice girls aren't approaching you what's your excuse for not approaching them? If you're a great catch they'll see you for it. Labeling yourself a nice guy in this context only seems to be a cop out because you're scared to be rejected, and an excuse for being bitter at women in general because you aren't getting any.
And that's what I had to say to that, and I've got more to say if you ask again. The worlds population, of both men and women, is way too differentiated to be labeled into only two categories "nice person" and "jerk/bitch". Some relationships last, and some end, but it has way more to do with maturity and compatibility than it has to do with being a nice guy or a jerk. Relationships between nice guys and nice girls can end as well. Some times it works out, some times it doesn't. Relationships between a jerk and a bitch can also last forever. It's about compatibility.
A "nice guy" needs to be defined. And I'm thinking his negative sides must be defined as well. Where does the line go between acceptable negative sides, and negative sides that makes you a jerk?
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reader, followtheblackrabbit +, writes (1 July 2011):
followtheblackrabbit is verified as being by the original poster of the question Weeelll, Chigirl, I forgot to mention: some women lose out on nice guys when a wiser woman sees value. Of course, I understand, we are complicated beings "good" or "bad." Anyone at all can break a heart :) I totally agree. What made me write this was a little frustration, a book I read...but anyway, I failed to really say what I meant. The road less travelled for a lot of women is the road which, in essence, is more promising. The "nice guy" is the idea of a man whose secure, kind, sensitive who brings no drama. The "bad boy" is the drama. Both your insights fascinated me! Went beyond my two-dimensional thought :) A nice guy doesn't guarantee perfection, however, I wish they were picked more often than the obvious bad boys. Sure, one can get tricked but to me, it shows more than falling knowingly into a "trap." Biology may or may not play a part, but really, what's in style is almost always what the masses most admire. Bad boys are in style and why has confunded me a bit. :) N91
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reader, rockshredder +, writes (1 July 2011):
 Follow-the-black-rabbit; if I was near you, I would have saluted you literally.Chigirl; 1. I am not edicted to video games.2. I was and am confident.3. I held her tight in my arms and gave her everything inthe world I could. I INVESTED myself to make the relation the more stronger. I was the one giving her all the promises of marrying her and her always trying to avoid the topic.4. I have all goals set towards a good future.5. I had NO GIRL as a friend except my ex. If they were, I declared them my sisters infront of my ex.6. I am indeed a family guy but not a mom's boy.Now what do you have to say? Women are engineered to follow garbage and ignoring guys like me. You know what? Each passing day, I am becoming hattred towards girls and I believe my loneliness will kill me cause I have got such a punnishment for something that is not even in my control. Even by decision I cannot act like a jerk cause the other moment, I laugh at myself. And again when a pretty face attracts me, I say to myself"I will always be punished. She is the same. Every pretty face is the same. So better back off"
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reader, rockshredder +, writes (1 July 2011):
Follow-the-black-rabbit; if I was near you, I would have saluted you literally.Chigirl; 1. I am not edicted to video games.2. I was and am confident.3. I held her tight in my arms and gave her everything inthe world I could. I INVESTED myself to make the relation the more stronger. I was the one giving her all the promises of marrying her and her always trying to avoid the topic.4. I have all goals set towards a good future.5. I had NO GIRL as a friend except my ex. If they were, I declared them my sisters infront of my ex.6. I am indeed a family guy but not a mom's boy.Now what do you have to say? Women are engineered to follow garbage and ignoring guys like me. You know what? Each passing day, I am becoming hattred towards girls and I believe my loneliness will kill me cause I have got such a punnishment for something that is not even in my control. Even by decision I cannot act like a jerk cause the other moment, I laugh at myself. And again when a pretty face attracts me, I say to myself"I will always be punished. She is the same. Every pretty face is the same. So better back off"
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reader, Odds +, writes (1 July 2011):
I suspect if girls showed more attention and affection for nice guys when they were young, the nice guys would be more likely to develop into the confident, decent men women like. It's kind of hard spending your teens and twenties dealing with rejection after rejection, then suddenly become a man among men when women decide to settle down.
It's a path of least resistance thing. Chicks dig confidence, always have, always will, it's no secret. Jerks already have confidence, or at least a passable facsimile of it. Nice guys need it cultivated, and it doesn't always work. One takes work and has uncertain payoff, the other pays off immediately. What's someone under 25 going to choose?
We are not doomed by genetic programming - that very programming gave us the capacity for reason and self-control. We can choose to delay gratification in favor of future gains (this applies to guys too, though the implementation is a bit different). Girls can start young and help a young man develop his confidence, social savvy, and charisma. Not by demanding they do things, but by encouraging them, praising and rewarding them, being patient with failures, and generally showing affection when it's needed most.
Chigirl is right, everyone has their own issues that they'll inflict on someone they're dating (I've certainly got one or two of my own). I just think that a healthy relationship creates an incentive for mutual self-improvement.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 June 2011):
If girls ignored the nice guys how come they got married?
I've dated sweeties and nice guys. In fact I have a near chronological talent for getting involved with nerds who have no self confidence, but are really sweet and nice and polite and makes me laugh.
If you think nice guys come without issues, think again. A nice guy is nice until you find out he's a gaming addict who has no interest in working on the relationship, or he starts an online affair with a girl he met through his gaming. A nice guy can also be so lacking in confidence that he gets unsure about what he wants (that happened multiple times) and so you get dumped because of their insecurity.
A nice guy will also be nice to all other females he meets. So unless you're not jealous whatsoever.. prepare for loads of female friends to bat their eyelashes at your guy, and for him to see nothing wrong with it.
Nice guys gets taken advantage of by their friends and associates, meaning he'll spend all day/all his money catering everyone but you. A nice guy doesn't always know how to prioritize, or how to say "no".
A nice guy might be a mommy's boy, choosing her side over yours...
There's pitfalls with every guy. I have a standard of giving them all a chance, fat or thin, short or tall, dark of fair, good and bad.
Of course you stand a better chance of a lasting relationship if you go with a good guy, but in either case you only get to see the good side of them at the beginning. Everyone puts on their best act at the beginning. Then a year later mr. nice guy might have turned out to be the biggest douchebag you ever met.
Like a friend once told me, it's all about who's bulls%¤% you are willing to put up with. Nice guys come with their own bulls&¤#. No one is perfect, not even mr. nice guy.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Amen to this...I strongly agree with the nice guys finish last phrase so you've helped me to restore some faith in the females of the planet.
Thankyou!!
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