A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Honestly am I? I've realized something, I can't seem to get over my ex. She was my first serious gf. Like I really loved her. We had a good year 1/2 or 2 together. We broke up bc I found out she cheated. It took a year before we were able to be cool with speaking to each other. Occasionally we'd hang out. Sometimes just hanging out. Other times we'd have sexcapades. My problem is I don't know how to take this relationship between us. I know it's not romantic or anything. I just don't take her or our friendship/ relationship seriously. Because of how she was in our relationship prior, I look at her as my scapegoat, my drug, or even my play thing. Am I an ass bc of this?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 June 2011):
 It's interesting that you're wondering whether you're an ass or not. That is even more telling than the answer, because it reveals your unresolved anger about her cheating.
Your ego wants to be with her, and so do your feelings for her that are lingering since the beginning. However, you want her to feel like you did when you found out that she cheated, and you can't trust her with being close to her emotionally, so you have built a wall around your heart.
Rest assured, you're not an ass. However, you need to move on. You're not helping yourself by being with her if you can't trust her and are subconsciously withholding from her. The passive/aggressive thing you're doing with her (she's your scapegoat, plaything) is just not healthy for you. You were devastated, and now you want to turn and mistreat her subtly.
You must move on from what she did to you. I suggest leaving her and finding someone new that you can trust and open your heart to. Continue on this path, and your bitterness will eat at both of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea I do fine but when we contact each other feelings do come back. I'm not gonna lie. It's like I see the person that I fell inlove with. Then after I have flashbacks to the stress and drama that we indulged later in our relationship. Until the next time we see each other. That's why I referred to her as a drug. I think I'll always be inlove with her (my heart tells me). But my mind is like, "turn the other way". That's why there are gaps in our time that we spend together.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 You're not an ass, but you should move on. Make the conscious decision to do so.
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