A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a bit worried about my sister and am looking for some advice as to whether I'm overreacting or not.Basically, she is 25 and has never had a relationship or even been on a date (she is also a virgin incase anyone thinks she's into casual hook ups). I wouldn't usually think this was an issue, but it's her reasons for this that worry me.She gets asked out all the time because she is very pretty, fun and petite, but she has turned down every guy she has ever been asked by. I wondered for a while if she was maybe a lesbian, but she has loads of celebrity crushes that are men so I doubt that. She just seems to have exceptionally high standards. She makes jokes about how she's going to lose weight (she's a UK 8-10 so certainly doesn't need to) and 'get hotter' then go to hollywood and meet one of the celebrities she likes. I have made similar jokes in the past myself so I just thought it was a bit of fun, but now I'm worried that it's not a joke and she's really holding out for someone who looks like a male model. It seems that every real life guy who asks her out is rejected because she isn't attracted to him, regardless of how lovely, handsome or successful he is. The only people in real life I've ever known her to have crushes on were a rugby player from uni, and a singer in one if the bars on holiday. Both were almost movie star handsome, but were kind of players and didn't seem interested in her beyond a bit of flirting. However she really fell for both of them and was gutted that they didn't like her back.This has been going on for years, and I have just left her to it up until now, but recently she's started to act more and more depressed/down about everything. Plus, she seems to have become obsessed with the idea that if she loses weight, learns to do her hair and make-up better, has better clothes and gets a better job then she will find this perfect looking guy, and everyone will be jealous of her. Which brings me to the next issue - she is incredibly competitive with her friends. They are all similar in that they try to outdo each other and prove they are the thinnest/prettiest/most attractive of the group, but this has got out of control in the last while to the point that she is almost starving herself and exercising constantly before going on holiday with them next month. And from what I can see on Facebook, they are all doing the same. I can understand wanting to look your best on the beach, but she has become almost reclusive in the last month - refusing invites to see friends or do anything with me and her other sister because it will interfere with her plan to 'sort her life out'. She practically stays in her room all the time, and only comes out when my parents force her to come out to socialise or eat something.It seems as if the lot of them are trying to be the best to increase their self-esteem/validate them in some way, but my sister has taken it to the extreme.I feel her life is passing her by as she tries to create the perfect life to attract the perfect guy, which we all know doesn't exist. I know there isn't really much I can do, but do you think I'm right to be worried? Or do you think she'll get over this in her own time?I also want to add that I'm scared that this is in some way my fault too. When I was 17 and she was 13, she saw me go through my first break up but she didn't handle me being so upset well at all and said she didn't want to ever feel like that herself. She's never said anything about it since, but I've always been scared it affected her.
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crush, depressed, facebook, flirt, jealous, lesbian, lose weight, on holiday, petite, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (22 July 2014):
 On reading this about half way down I'd wrote your sister off as a little bit of a dreamer but on reading the whole thing I do think you should be worried.
Not about the whole "dating" thing but about the competitive weight-loss ect.
That really isn't healthy & has to be addressed.
Perhaps it's the type of friends she's keeping or it's something from within herself,that her friends bring out in her.
As for the whole "dating" thing why should she go out with someone she doesn't think worthy/good enough for her?
Just so she can get her leg over?
To catch up?
Coz it's the "norm"?
Maybe she is gay.
(no offence meant)
Let her find her own way, you can't judge everyone else by your measure "Oh I had b/f at 16 so should you!"
That's just not fair,have you ever really sat her down & spoke to her about your worries?
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