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male
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*uapino
writes: I started seeing a girl 7 months ago, we have known each other for a bit, and completly fell in love. She came from a troubled childhood, and about a month ago, everything caught up with her, she told me she wanted a break. I'm no idiot, I realise that when people say this, they usually are trying to spare feelings and want out. I respected her wishes, ceased contact with her, and tried to move on with my life. Now, a month later, she has come back to me, saying that she misses me dearly, loves me so very much, and that I am what she wants and needs. She wants to meet up and talk with me, now here's my problem, in the time we have been apart I have had sex with two women, I'm a very honest person, and never in my life have I kept anything from her, if we get back together, in my eyes, she has a right to know everything, but I know it will destroy her, what do I do?
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a break, fell in love, get back together, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Just a Girl...  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 huni if you both agreed ypu wwere on a break then what you did in that time was your descion. do you reli want to be woth her?? you need to assess your truew feelings for her and talk to her about your reltionship and not wat u did when you werent with her
xxx
gud luck huni xxx
A
female
reader, goodlistener +, writes (6 June 2007):
I think you should meet upwith her it sounds like she wants and needs your support. I am not saying not tell her, but i think if you do want to tell her, wait for the right time.
good luck honey!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): Yes, but what if she straight up asks him if he has been with anyone else while they were apart? He shouldn't lie about it. And you know she's going to ask.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): i dont think its any of her business what you did while you were single. if she broke up with you thats her fault. im sure she expected you to sit around and wait for her. but it seems like you dont care for her enough to wait around. so if you would like to tell her than go for it. unless she asks, she doesnt have to know.
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (5 June 2007):
 I know that this sounds cruel, but if you weren't together, your sex life is not her business. If you want to tell her, feel free to do so, but she won't have any right to get upset or angry about it. She broke up with you, making you single, therefore, giving you the right and privelage of having sex with other partners.
DV1
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Hello there,
As much as it may hurt her, she is the one who broke up with you. You two were not together. For all you know, she may have done the same thing. Maybe after being with one or two guys, she realized just how special you were to her.
Before telling her that you want to be back with her (since it seems like that's what you want to do) I would let her know what happened. It seems to me that if you didn't, then it would eat you up and if you did tell her later - after you two were together - she would get upset, hurt and probably angry. And even though you two weren't together at the time, it would still probably hurt her. Let her have the choice. BUT make sure you aren't the only person being honest here. I don't know if she was with anyone else (obviously), but you should have a serious talk with one another about what happened with your time off if you really think it will effect the relationship. In a perfect world, things like this wouldn't matter since you two weren't together. But this is reality and people usually get emotional over someone like their ex sleeping with new people.
Afterall, you obviously didn't have strong feelings for these girls. There is a difference between sex and being emotionally involved with someone. It seems like you care about this girl and I would talk about that, too (if that's how you feel, too.)
So, in short, tell her what happened since you feel like you probably should - but also let her be honest with you about anyone she may have been with. And most importantly - try and be understanding that she will probably be hurt even though you two weren't together - she cares about you and finding this out will "destroy" her, as you said. But at least you're being an honest person. She should be happy about that. Maybe that might even help to build a strong foundation for your relationship after the initial shock of hearing the news.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Straight Up +, writes (5 June 2007):
 i don't think that you really need to tell her because you both had split up at the time but saying that if you do want to tell her then go ahead my advice to you is be very sensitive as you know she had a very troubled childhood and you dont want to stress her even more. when your think about what to do keep her feelings in mind goodluck
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (5 June 2007):
Well she wanted a break, and if she told you it was over you were not being unfaithful to anyone so i would just tell her. It may hurt her that it only took you a month to have sex with two other woman ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): I think that it is very considerate of you to want to tell her the truth, but to be honest I have been in that position and it's not worth leaving her be upset & heartbroken by telling her. I think that you should just forget about what happened and move on with this girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): You haven't said if you want to be with her again...Do you? Why did you find it so easy to have sex with 2 women within one month of you splitting up? Was it just to try and bury how you felt about her? You need to do some thinking 1st about what you really want. But the best thing to do is to always be honest. She may not want to be with you when you tell her, so be prepared for that. But then again, she may be able to deal with it. Just remember everything happens for a reason, but lying just wasts time.
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