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female
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*aphfire915
writes: My life has been a living nightmare ever since my boyfriend of 3 years and i broke up 2 months ago. I've been hearing so much about him, and all my friends knew for over a year and just tell me now. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years (I didn't want to...he did...and here's exactly why I didn't).His first year there, I found out that he cheated on me 3 times!! This is when he came up with the idea of still being together but dating other people, which I thought was a dumb idea, but now I see why he wanted to. He continually lied to me about if he ever did for over a year. He gave me a promise ring that Christmas because he felt bad, that probably only cost him $20 because he's so cheap and poor. Unfortunately I'm thinking that he was this perfect guy since he was so convincing and im so naive. I also found out that he has been doing drugs and drinking a lot, all behind my back, and him denying everything. I have never been so mad in my whole life and I absolutely want nothing to do with him anymore...but should I call him to tell him off and let him know that I know about everything to make him feel bad since that would probably make me feel better, or should I just let it go and maybe if he ever calls me let him have it then? Thanks for your time and help!
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broke up, cheap, cheated on me, christmas, drugs, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, amiee  +, writes (20 August 2005):
 heya,
your other half does not deserve such a forgiving and careing woman. hes a lier and cheat and you know that. the question is does he know that you know?
probably not. i know what your going through and its hard but you need to hang on in there and be strong. what i suggest is geting to him and letting him know that its over tactfully. let him feel what its like to be let down and dissapointed.
hes a player and players get nowhere in the long run. its the honest person that liers neet to be weary of because they never know what the honest one will do next. so be the honest one and suprise him.
there are soo many ways in which to do this but ringing him up and telling him off is hardly going to do the trick. it would sink in that you know everything and maybe make you feel a whole lot better as you said, but he cant hear what you have to say if he hangs up can he?
it would simply be the wast of a phone call and wast of your time.
its what you feel you should do that counts. ask yourself simple questions like......
do i realy want to be with someone that is going to continuosly cheat on me?
do i want to be part of someone that drinks and does drugs?
i think those answers are fairly clear but what you do with those answers it up to you.
when life hands you big lemons like this dont just make lemonade why not make a lemon marangue pie out of them too?
i know things will work out in the end and you will get through this emotianal struggle but in order for that to happen you need to take into acount what is best for you, what you need, and what you want. if you dont thingd may be slightly harder than they should be its easier if your sure.
good luck and remember "what is best for you, what you need, and what you want"
amiee XxX
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (17 August 2005):
Break ups go through a variety of emotions- devastation, confusion, anger, intense pain and confusion to name but a few. At the moment your agony is being heightened by discovering that the man you fell in love with never existed. You must feel awfully cheated, humiliated and angry to discover that your ex was a complete scumbag.
You invested your time, trust and loyalty in this relationship and he has rewarded your love with lies and cheating. Of course it's only natural that you want to give him some verbal abuse, but he's obviously so dismissive of your feelings that he probably wouldn't even care if you gave him a piece of your mind. You would only wind up hurting yourself even more than you already are.
There are a number of ways to express your anger and ease your suffering! Try this- put on a song about being strong after a break up, sing it and imagine you are a superstar on stage singing, and he is in the audience regretting ever breaking up with you! I found it has worked for me in the past! Write down all your emotions in a letter to him. Be as offensive as you wish, but do NOT send it. Pinning his photo on a dartboard may also lift your spirits. Hopefully this will help you channel this fury that feel for him right now.
As far as your friends go, I think you have heard enough painful truths about your ex. Tell them that you do not wish to know anything more about him, who he's seeing, what he's doing etc, as these horrendous revelations are only preventing you from recovering from this relationship and getting your life back on track again.
And lastly, console yourself with this thought- he's a liar, cheat and drink and drug abuser. One day you will be thankful that this destructive person isn't in your life anymore. Personally, I think you had a lucky escape.
It will get better, I promise! All the best.
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