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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. He has more time for his mates than me and this is starting to really upset me. How can I make him want to spend more time with me? Am I being selfish? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2005): thats very funny, im looking online and trying to get help too, i have been with mine for 2 years, its better giving them time to do what they wanna do...and i live in california and he lives in las vegas recently..so he still thinks i try to control him...its very odd so i just say screw it and dont think about it !!
A
female
reader, lulu +, writes (17 August 2005):
Firstly no you arent being selfish! its is only natural that you want to spend time with your boyfriend. I suggest that you talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. This is the only way to let him know. Maybe he doesnt realise he is hurting you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2005): no your not being selfish! i understand how your feeling. start spending time with your friends, and you and your friends maybe could get together with your boyfriend and his mates and go out sometime.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2005): The best thing to do is to tell him how you feel. I have been in a similar situation with my boyfriend and I used to feel resentful of how much time he allocated with his mates then with me. More often or not, if they are blokey blokes (like mine is) they just won't think! If you have been in a relationship for more than a couple of years the bloke and sometimes the female will want to spend time away from each other at times. Just remember that everybody is still their own person and need to have time with their own friends or just by themselves. Also most males are planners. You need to allocate time with them beforehand so they have notice - most of them won't object to this. If you talk to him and he still doesn't take any note (as I said most males don't think in terms of us females and just label us as hysterical fruit loops. To them, most of the time, spending less time with us doesn't mean they love us any less). Anyway, as I was saying, if he doesn't listen when you talk why don't you make your own plans and go out with your friends or take time to take your own space? I did this to mine and within 3 or 4 nights I was getting the 'you're never home' speech and it seemed to make him appreciate me more and make him want to spend more time with me because I wasn't making the effort. (men are fickle creatures)
Just remember to allow a balance though. I initially tried the suffocation method with mine and backfired badly of course. I wanted to spend all my time with him , I got upset when he went to his mates or wanted to go out. This just makes them want to get away from you more, so don't do it. And remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder. So some time away is healthy for a relationship as you stop taking things for granted. Oh, and don't be at his beck and call (by this I mean if he says jump, don't say how high) otherwise he will take you for granted and won't feel the need to be with you
Hope this helps
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