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male
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*achattack
writes: I'm a 20 year old guy. I work out so I'm in great physical shape and have been told I'm an attractive guy, however, I am unable to start a relationship with anyone. Girls just don't talk to me, what is the problem? I'm a nice guy, I promise! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2006): you should go up to them and talk dont wait for them....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2006): you should go up to them and talk dont wait for them....
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 August 2005):
 Well, I can't see you and I can't hear you and I can't smell you... so I'll have to take your word for it that you're a nice guy.
Do you have any female friends? They can be invaluable for giving you hints on how to appeal to girls you might want to date. Even sisters, or nieces or youngish aunts might be able to give you somewhere to start, because it could be something really, really basic. Say, forgetting to shower after your workout? (OK, I was kidding. I'm sure it's not that... but you get what I mean.)
One really common mistake guys make when they're talking to women is thinking that there has to be some "line" that will make women swoon at their feet. But girls don't want a line, they want a man who's real and confident and fun. Even looks are less important than confidence, though cleanliness is a bonus.
For me, here's a list, in decending order, of characteristics I (as a card-carrying woman) find irresistable in a man:
1. Humour
2. Confidence
3. Intelligence
4. Good grooming
5. Looks
And if the first four are good, I'll give the 5th criteria a miss.
Ask your female friends (or relatives) to give you some clues to what you might be doing or saying that's putting girls off. Pretend to be talking to one of them, in the same way as you would to a girl you're interested in - remember, this is a scientific experiment, so you don't have to feel like a goose - and get some constructive criticism.
Then, think about the women that you're interested in, and the venues that you're meeting them in. Are you trying to date all kinds of women - lean, fat, divorced, single, Buddhist, atheist, vegan, omnivore etc - or just drop-dead gorgeous ones? Are you chatting them up in the book co-op, or at funerals? Of course, I'm being facetious, but the point is to be objective about all the conditions that you've been working under and finding out which one is the major obstacle.
Because if writing for this website has shown me anything, it's that there is a woman out there for EVERY man, no matter what his looks, IQ, or personal hygiene may be.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, amiee  +, writes (16 August 2005):
 heya, i have the exact same problem (well the female equivilent) thing is girls may not talk to you but have you tried talking to them? sometimes people need that little push to set off a spark. say hi to that women in the shop smile at her then maybe start speaking to her even ask her out on a date. ive tried asking my friends what they think of me and what things they can pick out on me and i dare say you have done the same to. after all as you said you have been told your an atractive guy. try building up your confidence again remember you are an atractive guy and you are capable of getting someone beautifull and careing. if any women turns you down they are the ones missing out not you! if they say no dont get down over it because they are clearly not the one for you.
amiee x
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