A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My neighbour is 10 years younger than me and I fancy her like mad. We are both married with kids. I told her how I felt last week and we have chatted since. She was surprised but didn't turn me down, I'd say she is shocked and confused.I cannot get her out of my head and she says it will take a while to get me out of her's. I am trying to move on but finding it impossible. What should I do?
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male
reader, Ted-ster  +, writes (7 March 2009):
I could not think of a more apt title for your question: Neighbour trouble. (Emphasis on last word.) You are on a path to ruin your marriage, if it weren't already. You may want to consider moving out of the neighbourhood. You're headed for certain trouble, embarrassment for your family. She might not have said anything beuase she was stunned, and may even have felt you were potentially dangerous. I see that this is not going to end well for you.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Are you having problems in your marriage? Is she? Do you have children? Does she?
If you are not having problems in your marriage, are you willing to risk the invetable problems if you had an affair with her? Are you prepared to lose everything that you and your wife have invested together in your life? Did you have specific vows and promises to each other when you first got married? Do you remember what they are?
If you are having problems in your marriage, is either you or your wife interested in working out the issues to get the marriage back again? Is it working? If yes, will you be setting it all back and erase all those efforts, by having an affair with your neighbor? If it is not working between you and your wife, why not?
Besides, if you are willing to risk an affair, and your children (if you have any) found out, how would they feel? What lesson in life are you teaching them?
What was it that people say .. umm ... don't fix it if it is not broken? In this case, it is "don't break it if is not broken", "or don't break it if you don't know how to fix" would be more appropriate.
So, the answer to your question is actually easy, and you what it is already. Focus on your wife and children. Think of what is it about her that you love. Go back and study your vows again. What is missing, what has been fulfilled, do what it takes to make sure that you still keep those promises in your vows. If you did this, even though you and your neighbor will continue to run into each other, your mind will be preoccupied with thoughts about your wife and children, not on her.
Cat
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Hi Sweetheart
First please don't think I'm having ago as I'm not, But I don't think you are thinking straight at all at this moment...You have seen someone you fancy the pants off you see her probably everyday in passing this interest has grown on you and you couldn't stop thinking about it until you told her and now the plot thickens as you are probably just waiting for her to make some sort of move and WHAT IF SHE DOES???????
You are both married the heartache that this could cause would be Id say maybe unrepairable...Its ok to find another woman attractive but you are married and just think for a minute if this were your wife with the next door neighbours husband, How would you feel..Sweetheart the grass is not always greener on the other side...You have to understand the consequences this could cause, You have to realise you are being swept away by how attractive you find her that there is little left to think about..Think about your family for a minute and think what you could loose don't let this go any further love its not worth it...Dont say any more to her or if she does comment on what you said Id think of something to cover yourself, You don't want to loose your whole life as you know it do you...If you need a chat please message me...I've been on the other end of cheating and its devastating hunny and it takes along time to heal TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): move on.
you know that.
think of your partner and hers and the betrayal if you did. why are you thinking of someone else? move on.
having thoughts for other people is not bad in its self - if i drove a Ferrari i would look at other peoples cars and smile,
Hugs Star.x.
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