A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How the hell do you tell a guy you've been on a few dates with that you have feelings for someone else? I've been out with this guy a few times and I do like him so much, but the problem is that this guy who I met much before the one i'm seeing now, my feelings for him are stronger. Just before I met this guy I was sort of seeing this other guy, but I got bored of waiting around hoping something more would happen. We talked and kissed a hell of a lot, but it never went further like a date or so.Even when seeing this guy I still had a part of me that liked him, but I thought if I ignore it it'll go away and it did for a while. That was till he texted me and we met up and I intended to say i'm with someone now but the feelings are still there, I still like this guy so much and he manages to still make butterflies dance in my stomach and I feel stupidly happy when i'm around him. He wants to give it a go and I know it may not work out with him, but I feel it's so wrong to carry on with this guy when I like someone else more and never really stopped liking them. I know deep down that if that even if I stay with the guy i'm with now, i'll always still have feelings for this guy. Clearly that isn't a good thing and doesn't say much about a future with this guy! I've tried ignoring it but I just think I need to tell him i have feelings for someone else, but i don't know how to. I've never done this and i'm worried i'll word it wrong or hurt him so much! How do people do this, what did you say? I feel like a terrible person right now....
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 October 2012):
 if it's just been a few dates why do you need to give him an explanation....
just let him know how much you like him as a friend and make it clear that you are not interested in him as a boyfriend.
WHY you are not interested as a boyfriend does not matter truly since it's NOT about him...
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2012):
 Don't tell him you like someone else. Simply say:
"It's been great getting to know you, but I don't feel like this can go any further. I don't have the right feelings for you, the chemistry just isn't there for me. You're a great person, and I hope we can be friends, but that's all we can be."
Don't expect him to want to be your friend, he probably will mope about this for a while (or maybe you're lucky and he isn't that invested in you yet), but he'll get over it. Part of dating is to see if you're a good fit, you never promised him a relationship! It's perfectly okay to tell him you don't see this going any further, and ending it before it goes too far and someone gets hurt. It's perfectly acceptable. Don't tell him you've got feelings for someone else. Just tell him you don't have the right feelings for him, and don't see it going any further than friendship. Dont' engage in a debate, just say it like that, that's how it is. If he wants to argue then leave. You don't owe him an in-depth explanation.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 October 2012):
 You needn't tell your latest squeeze anything about your attraction for "old" squeeze....
You simply say that you don't think things are ideal between the two of you... that you don't want - or expect - to take things any farther... and let him go...
HE doesn't need to know that you have another guy "on the hook".... and there's no need for you to tell him....
He may find out, in the future.... but, so what, then????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (2 October 2012):
 It IS wrong to carry-on with one guy when you don't like him. Regardless of whether you like someone else or not...it's wrong.
How do you tell him? You go to him and say you do not think your dating relationship is going to work out. That is how you tell him. If you felt that bad, you wouldn't have been dating other people while you were seeing him, so I really don't think you feel THAT badly. If he likes you, of course you are going to hurt him, but that is the risk of getting into relationships. People can get hurt. Sometimes it is you, and sometimes it is someone else.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (2 October 2012):
 There's nothing to feel terrible about. You only went on a couple dates and you realized you aren't over someone else. It has happened to me so many times. Now if you kept him around as a back up while trying to work with the other guy, then you are pretty bad. But this is really no big deal at all. You just say "I realized I'm not over an ex and we are going to give it another try." he may not be an ex technically but same type of statement. I've done it numerous times. Only once did I get a negative response, something like "good luck with that... I'll be here when you fail." Yet I ended up marrying my ex I gave another try with.
You only went on a couple dates so don't feel so bad. You can't help how you feel towards someone else and it was natural to try to move on. Anyone in your shoes would do the same thing, if they had the ability to try and be with the person they really want they wouldn't settle for someone they barely know.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 October 2012):
 You say that the guy you're with you've only been on a few dates? Why do you have to tell him you have feelings for someone else? Why not just say that you feel that your feelings for him are more friendship than relationship, and tell him that he's a great guy, but you're wanting to go in a different direction and that it wouldn't be fair to him to lead him on or keep him from someone who is into him? Just gently tell him that you're not feeling chemistry, and that it's not his fault.
On another subject, I'm a little concerned that the guy you're really liking is a player. What's changed in his life where before, he wouldn't date you, wouldn't do anything beyond getting physical, and now he wants to "give it a go"? I'm concerned that he's looking to use you sexually.
Be careful. You're right that you can't see them both at the same time, and if you're not feeling it with the guy you've been dating, that letting him off easy now is better than ignoring him or leading him on.
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