A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Happy New Year all, I hope it's been so far so good and possibly a fruitful year ahead. My question is regarding an ex I broke up with in early December. The back story is I'd been seeing this girl for around 2 months and I cannot tell you how quickly I fell for her. I have never in my life fallen for someone and all of a sudden I am head over heels in love with a woman I've only know for a short time. I know it's love because I wake up thinking about her, go to sleep thinking about her and this all came out in the open on the new years evening just gone, when in a drunken state I confessed to my mates that I was in love with her and cried my eyes out. I'm not exactly synonymous with emotion in an expressive manner and obviously with the aid of alcohol it's all come out in the open. In a way I'm glad it felt like a weight off of my shoulders, but I know that in a few months (when I'm hopefully over her) that the boys are going to give me grief about this moment. Ok so you know how I feel about her now, but is there a chance of a relapse? Is there any reason a woman would/could change her mind, or should I cut my losses and find a woman that could possibly have the same impact on my life? Some of the things she has said really confused me. One of her famous lines to me was something along the lines of "you're a wonderful guy, the best I know and any women would want to be with you, just not me". That not quote not only confused me, but crushed me too. She since told me she "doesn’t feel romantic towards me" and that's why she put an end to it. HOWEVER, previous and since she's emailed me to say how much she hates the fact that we're not speaking as I cut all contact from her. She phoned me on Christmas day to talk and I was a bit cold over the phone and told her she needs to grow up. She sent me an email yesterday asking to be friends and I accepted. I'm half-minded that I wish I hadn't because being in her presence and not being able to touch her will almost cripple me mentally. In the short space of time I'd know her I will admit to getting attached very quickly (as she seemd to). She got to know me as I told her everything about myself; the good, bad and ugly and my mates as well. She got very close to them, but since the break they won't talk to her. They're also to blame for saying things they shouldn't have and getting involved and not leaving us alone.She's still confusing me and I hope that her request for friendship is just a front to start slowly. I don't know if I can handle just being her mate, especially if a new man comes on the scene. Some other points:• My Mum thinks I’ve been a walkover and thus not acting “as a man should”. She said a change of attitude might make some difference if I act like myself. • She is worried about getting hurt and not overly keen that my ex and I are on good speaking terms. She still thinks I hold a candle for my ex and I really don’t and never have. • She’s worried about being let down which is something that seems to affect her quite badly. This is down to me being very open about my past and telling her how badly I’d let my ex and mates down. I haven’t however let her down once and it hasn’t looked like I would, but this seems to be something she’s had to fight.• She believes my confidence is an issue. In fairness it was, but not to the extent she believed. • Also it’s not so much as an issue as the things she highlighted are not earth shattering to me.• I have lost interest in all other women. I’ve never been short of interest (and I’m not exactly Brad Pitt, but alright) and I’ve not even considered them. Also with mates and work colleagues and the fact we’re blokes we have a lust for nice looking women. It’s window shopping if you like and I haven’t noticed any other women or cared to. • She believes me to be reckless with money and spend too much of it watching my football team. I’ve since cut the amount of games I go to in order to save more and happen upon more meaningful endeavours... Didn’t work. I'll be impressed if anyone has read all of that and extremely appreciative if you offer can advice. Have a happy new year all and thank you for reading, LA.
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female
reader, trueatheart +, writes (3 January 2010):
 I just read all of that and you have my empathy! I'm in a similar situation with my ex. Can't get him out of my head. Why do they always say 'You are wonderful but...'? It's just so cruel. I tried the 'just friends' thing and found it so frustrating, I ended up cutting ties. But now I don't know what he's doing, thinking, feeling, I find myself wanting contact again, even though I know it wouldn't be a good idea. Either way, it's horrible to feel this way about someone. I guess you just have to try and distract yourself from it by keeping busy.
A
female
reader, Anonymous! +, writes (2 January 2010):
 yes i agree with the last comment, cut ties with her and move on, your young- go and have fun with the boys while you can! you seem like a nice lad with your head screwed on and one day you'll meet another girl who is worthy of your time, dont sweat it, time is the best healer. good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers JC, I appreciate your answer.
I think at this point I'm conflicted between telling her it's done as you have suggested and giving it a final run. Almost a whole month between contact has passed and she's flurrying around my mind.
I completley understand where you are coming from when talking about how much we know about each other. I more or less laid my cards on the table so she could have run away a lot sooner.
Thanks for the advice mate and have a fantastic new year.
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (2 January 2010):
It sounds to me like you've just come out of your first meaningfull relationship. I think maybe this girl feels guilty that shes realised she doesn't feel the same way yet can see the effect she is having on you. At the end of the day you can't have a stable relationship because you and her have got some history behind you which will always be there. If it was me I'd cut ties completley with her and tell her its for the best. It will hurt like hell and she will probably contact you and try to perswade you otherwise. What you need to find out is why you need a relationship at the moment and do you really know this girl or are you basing this whole crush on 2 months. You can't really get to know someone that well in that time.
At the end of the day look at it this way, whilst you have this girl dominating your thoughts you will never move on, if shes not going to be with you then you will miss out on other relationships untill you can get over this.
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