A
female
age
30-35,
*udinorah
writes:Hi, I am very unhappy i need advice I have been dating this man for ten months now and he has a habit of ignoring my calls and texts even for days so we have been urguing about it he says he is busy but he will go even for a week unless i contact him I have tried to love him but he begs and promises to change and he doesn't so today we were arguing and i told him i am tired i cant do this anymore well he said its fine with him.Now i feel devastated because i feel like i initiated the break up but what hurts me is how he let go so fast its like i never ment anything to him.I love this man to bits I have never cheated on him i respect him but now i am just devastated and lost without him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2016): Hi OP.Well, that explains his behaviour, doesn't it?He was having a bit of fun on the side.And what is most cowardly is he led you on. With no intention of ever having a real, honest relationship with you. He lied. He deceived. He abused your love and devotion to him. He used it to his advantage without one second thought to your fragile and beautiful heart and how he would be hurting you so badly. He only thought of his own pleasure. Not how he was destroying a human being in pursuit of that pleasure.I am so sorry.It was just sex to him.That is why he had no emotional connection to you. That is why the no contact for long periods of time. That is why he was always MIA. And perfectly content with it. And that is why he let you go so easily. He has a wife and his devotion is to her. But I understand why you feel so devastated. Anyone in your position would feel the same way.He is an a$$hole. Heartless. Gutless.We as women so want to believe in the fairy tale. But it just doesn't exist. Especially with men like this. But men like this sure have an eye for spotting women who believe in fairy tales. They prey on them. You can try and try again to love them to death. But in the end, you are just beating your head against a wall over and over. You cannot fix him. And the only person who is hurting is you. He is not giving you a second thought. You cannot change him for the better. You cannot make him love you, no matter how much you love him. How devoted you are to him. It will never be enough. Because he is and always has been the wrong man for you.I know how badly it hurts. You are good hearted and loving. I can see that. He was not. Is not. A man like this cannot claim to love his wife. Or anyone for that matter. He has no emotions or feelings to use and hurt women this way. He is void of emotion and empathy. He is a cold hearted snake.So, you are best away from him. He would only destroy you more the longer you were with him. See it as a lucky escape.I strongly urge you to move on. And do not allow him to come back into your life. He might try again. Please don't fall into that trap. He would only try again if he gets horny and has an itch to scratch. Then have sex with you and continue treating you like garbage. You don't want to be that girl. Do not get sucked in for years. When now it can end and you can get on with life and have a chance to be healthy, happy and whole. I caution you from experience not to fall into this black hole again. Deep down, you knew in your own gut there was something wrong and that you could not live without an emotional connection. You knew deep down something was missing in this relationship and this is why you told him you could not continue with it. You were right. You did not do the wrong thing. You did the RIGHT thing. Now you are having buyer's remorse. Many of us have doubts after making a judgment call or decision. But just know you made the RIGHT decision. Ok? You know now he is married so you knew in your heart he was not enough for you. And as much as it hurts, sometimes in this life we have to make hard choices. They hurt in the moment and may hurt for a long time, but in the end you know you are better off. And you need to take care of yourself. You need to have your own best interests at heart. He did not. Remember, people will use you and abuse you if you allow it. Never allow it.Allow yourself to heal now. Feel the pain. It will go through you in time. And in time, you will be open to finding love again. This time, with a man who deserves you.You need to hate him now. For what he did to you. For what he did to his wife. For what he will probably do to some other unsuspecting woman.I am truly sorry. I know there is nothing I can do to ease your pain. But I promise you, someday you will feel better. And this will all be a bad dream. You will find love. I promise. And you will see the difference between a real man and a pieace of trash pretending to be one.Hugs.
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (31 May 2016):
Hell.... What a piece of crap. This man has no morals- he has done this to you and his wife.... Be thankful you aren't the wife! She will know nothing...despicable man. You now need to work on yourself and your healing.... It hurts so much now, your focus is youth and getting through this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2016): At best you can say he was attracted to you , at worst you can say he was just another con artist.
Either way you dont need this poersoin in your life so be glad that now you are free to move on and forget this ghastly experience.
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A
female
reader, audinorah +, writes (31 May 2016):
audinorah is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am writting this in tears i just found out he has a wife i am in shock i cant move why would he do this to me wait for all that time ten months not to tell me he has a wife my God
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (31 May 2016):
Ah I'm so sorry to read this, it sounds like you tried hard and centered your world around him - obsessing, watching your phone to see if he contacts etc with him doing his own thing, with a part of his life being you but not a prioritised part.It hurts. Not just because you love him, but because you feel rejected now too - knowing he didn't feel the intensity you did and can say goodbye and not fight for it.Dear poster, please know he isn't right for you. It's not you or what you did or didn't do. You love in different ways. You are all in when you love and he is not. He remains guarded and unable or unwilling to commit as you do. There could be lots of reasons for this- he could of had a bad break up before you and is protecting himself, incompatibly between you, or he is simply an emotionally distant sort... Who knows. You do need to leave this now and heal. He may contact you, but he is likely to not. Especially if it has all felt one sided from you to him during your time together. This hurt will subside. You need time with no contact. It truly is the only way. It will feel unbearable to begin with... Then it will get bearable, then you will see you aren't thinking about it so much, and maybe even smiling at other things... Put a circle on the calendar of one month from today an count down the days- definitely give yourself a break for the first week! That's the worst... What else can you focus on? Work? Friends? Gym? Hobbies? Please let us know how you go... Your love is too damn good for a man who doesn't know or wont love you back in the same way
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2016): The correct kind of guy for you would answer your phone calls as a priority and not leave it over a week to make contact.
Most women demand that kind of attention.
Or they just want a friends with benefit thing.
Usually that kind of guy wont change because it suits them as it is and they assume it suits you too, so it would be wise to reconcile yourself to the possibility that you might find someone more suitable for your future happiness without mr come and go on the scene.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (30 May 2016):
I’m sorry to hear how upset you are, but the truth is that this relationship was not working. If it was, he would have fought for you and tried to change and work with you to make it work. If you hadn’t said what you said, you’d have said it sometime in the future. Alternatively, he could just as easily have been the one to say it. Don’t blame yourself. You’re sad because you had hopes for this relationship and an idea of how you wanted it to be, but this isn’t how it was and it was never going to be. So be kind to yourself, allow yourself to let out your sadness and then resolve to move on with your life, getting support from any friends and family where you can.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 It's extremely difficult for one person to have a love affair, or, relationship, when the other person isn't taking part.....
YOU have to decide if YOU can provide all the love and energy in this dating "relationship" that you've described.
If'n I were you, I wouldn't try very hard. A person's ACTIONS tell us so much more than their WORDS....
Good luck
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A
female
reader, missy_25 +, writes (30 May 2016):
I'm sorry to say this but I think he is not worth your time. It doesnt seem he cared. Of course you haven't mentioned his side of the story, maybe he was frustrated about you being overprotective or needy or something else we dont know. But it doesn't matter now. What matters is you find the strength in you to place worth on yourself FIRST.
You love him so it will be hard to let go. Go through the process of crying, questioning why, finding answers, changing what you think you need to change so this doesnt happen again, learn from this experience, let him go and move on. Once you let him go, you will then appreciate all the other good things you have in life and can see other potential.
Focus on you becoming the best you that God has planned for you. Forget that loser, that's what he sounds like. But don't be bitter and I hope that you accept that it's over. Maybe after you've past through the emotional sad state, when you are calm and have made peace, you and he can have a talk so both can get closure.
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