A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife's best friend's husband will openly flirt with my wife at social gatherings at there home. She says it is just his way and I have excepted that, even though I find it dis-respectful. My wife says it means nothing. Recently I have learned that she recieves flirty texts message's late at night from him. She showed me some and they were not explicit, but I still think it is crossing a line. She says they mean nothing. She knows that it hurts me when he does and I know he continues to send them to her..not sure how explicit or dirty they get but i feel a line has been crossed and she see's no harm in it...Am I right to feel this hurt over it?
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best friend, flirt, friend's husband, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): perhaps tell your wifes friend that your wife and her hb is getting tooooo sexually cozy for comfort.
your wife blatantly disrepects you and she is basically showing you the middle finger.
not only are u allowed to feel hurt and get angry but you should tell her in no uncertain terms that it is inappropriate. why are you not confronting this man as well.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (16 March 2011):
What is with some men today?? I would kick this guy so hard in the ass he'd never even think of sending my wife another text message, or even looking her way. Then I'd set the wife straight on what's acceptable behavior while married to me. When did men become such pussys?
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A
female
reader, The Girl with the Diver's Hair  +, writes (15 March 2011):
I dont think that it is fair for you wife to be texting this guy when she knows it is making you upset. You are her husband not him and she should understand why you are upset and respect your feelings and hep out and just stop texting this guy. You should tell this other guy to leave your wife alone and to stop texting her tell her that as well and if it continues then I would seriously question her. Good Luck, E x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): It's not acceptable at all. You have every reason to be upset. Tell her to block his number and stop all of this. Tell him to leave your wife alone. Take care.
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A
female
reader, kaykay1989 +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I think you have every right to be upset. This kind of behaviour is not on. By her replying to these messages or flirting back with him is definatly giving out mixed messages and could leave people getting hurt. I would advise you have a serious talk with your wife and ask her how she would like it if the shoe was on the other foot. I would also suggest that you remind her that it's not just you she would be hurting if her friend finds out. Give her the ultimatum if she doesn't tell him to cool this off then you will, he should also be respecting yours and his girlfriends feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): I am in a similar position. I am married and attracted to another married man and he is attracted to me. We have kept this attraction going for some time even though we do not always speak to each other. We used to see each other regularly at the same place but he is not there anymore. The attention he gave me was great and intoxicating. I know he felt the same way. But at some point you have to come back to reality and ask yourself, where is this going? It can't go anywhere. So you have suddenly developed feelings and have nowhere to go with them. It is a dead end street. So you have to cut them off, let them die and move on as hard as it is. I have taken this time to try to get over him because I am wise enough to know it will never be. It truly hurts (and I am still not over him) but I have realized that he does not feel as strongly about me because he was able to cut contact and not care. If he cared, he would have told me how he feels, he would have been pursuing me and leaving a marriage he was probably not very happy in. But bottom line is he is not emotionally available and I refuse to be strung along or be part of any games. It is not healthy for me. My advice is ask her to stop this for the sake of your marriage. If she loves you and cares about your marriage, she will stop flirting with him. He is definitely encouraged by her behaviour and this is why he keeps doing it. It is up to her to set the example and not allow him to flirt with her. She is going to have to ignore him from now on. It will be the only way. He will soon get the hint and stop. What happens is you think it is a harmless attraction or flirtation and eventually it does end up getting out of hand as feelings could eventually develop and grow. Not everyone is able to let it go before an affair happens as you can see from all the posts on Dear Cupid. I am fortunate that he removed himself from the situation - whether on purpose or not - because it difused the situation. Also, your wife may feel attracted to him but will never admit it to you. Maybe not even to herself. Believe me, she enjoys it. Many women would enjoy the flattery but you have to draw the line.I have been there. Take it from me. The flirtations will escalate and there will come a point where it could become an emotional affair she is having with this man. The friendship will grow and could be trouble for your marriage if it continues this way. You will have to take a tough stand on this. Tell her she has to stop doing this. It is not appropriate. It could escalate and it makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected. If she truly loves you, she will respect your wishes. If she refuses, it will tell you a lot about her intentions.I also suggest trying to pay more attention to her. Is she bored? Does she have a lot of stress in her life? Is your relationship becoming routine or strained in any way? I know that I am bored in mine as I have been with my husband for a long time and we have a disabled child so this puts a huge strain on our marriage. I think that maybe I was looking outside of my marriage as a form of escape and excitement during a difficult time. We tend to look outside ourselves instead of working on our marriages because the outside fix is easier and more enticing. Working on the marriage is hard work and definitely the harder road and many people prefer the easier option. This man may also have problems in his marriage and is looking for an outside fix just like your wife. Maybe he is bored or his wife does not pay enough attention to him. There must be a reason on his end as well that he is flirting with your wife and looking to her for attention. You do need to take a stand and not ignore this. I think that many people flirt and it can be harmless. It depends on whether or not the people flirting can handle it. It is especially dangerous if the people involved are not happy in their relationships. Also, I do draw the line on emails. He should not be sending her emails at all. This is definitely pushing it. It is one thing to flirt in someone's presence but another to start trying to communicate with them in other ways. If you can, do not hang around these friends as much. I know it is hard but this is how things get out of hand. People see each other too much and get way too friendly with each other. Maybe you need to seek out some new friends. Keeping your distance is key. Find some new interests and things to do with your wife and keep her busy so that she will be less reliant on her best friend. You should become her best friend. Try taking a vacation or getaway together. Try to reconnect with each other. It will do you both a world of good. Keeping your marriage strong and focusing on each other will help a great deal. Build your fortress high and strong so that nothing or noone can ever get through. Good luck. Hope it all works out for both of you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Tell your wife to knock this nonsense off and to relay the message to the goofball before someone really gets hurt. She should know better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): How did he get her cell phone number? Why dosen't she put a block on his number?
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