A
female
age
51-59,
*AGirl
writes:Hello,I met this guy online who pursued me for 3 months. He'd call every day, sent me flowers, sent me text messages to read in the morning explalining how beautiful he found me, etc. He asked me to become exclusive 3 times and each time I didn't feel ready. He said that he understood and to let him know.There was one weekend where I agreed to meet him 1/2 way between our cities. Since things were going well and he was consistent, I decided that if things went in that direction, I would agree to exlusivity. The weekend was incredibly romantic. When we left on Sunday, things started to change. I figured he was rubberbandinb and caving. Caving because he is 6 months out of his divorce, the debt coming from that is insurmountable and they are filing bankruptcy, he lost his job and found one with a signficant pay decrease, so he's studying for a certification to get ahead in his field. That's a lot, right?He stopped calling me at night starting the Monday after our weekend, he stopped giving me morning messages but he was still reaching out during the day and he invited me to spend the weekend with him. Thursday, he stopped calling during the day and even the instant messages disappeared. I tried reaching out once but he didn't respond; I haven't tried to reach him since. And, needless to say, I didn't drive up t his weekend. Friday I got an email to my work address that said, "Sorry I've just dropped out like that. I have been doing a lot of thinking about where I am in life, and have been feeling overwhelmed by all this."I responded much later, after I pondered it and worked with a coach...with this "I understand how you're feeling and realize there is a lot going on for you. Although it's an uncomfortable feeling, it is normal to feel overwhelmed when starting something new. I myself have felt this on occasion."I was hoping to hear something but haven't. My friends are telling me to call but that doesn't feel like the right thing to do. I am also staying strong and not reaching out but wanted to know what you think.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 hi
sounds like something has happened to change his mind that weekend that you stayed. did you sleep with him? some guys will pursue you like mad until they get what they want then there is no need to chase any more, or maybe he had been hooked on the virtual relationship (emails, phone, texting) and the real thing did not live up to his expectations.
i wouldn't chase him any more, you have reached out to him already and found he has done a complete u-turn in regards to how he treats you now. could be that he is not ready for another real relationship while he is still fresh out of a marriage.
get on with your life and hopefully you will meet someone who does not play around with your feelings they way he seems to have done
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): There is only so much 'reaching out' you can do. He has complications in his life. It seems, after the thrill of the chase, he has cooled on you anyway. All the signs indicate that he wants out. So I would stop contacting him. You never know, later on he may contact you again, as long as you don't feel you have been messed around (in which case ignore him), you may be able to pick up the threads.
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