A
female
age
36-40,
*ones86
writes:My cousin is getting married late in the summer and she asked me to be her chief bridesmaid and i said I'd love too. Fast foward a few week later and her husband to be tells her that he wants my ex fiancé to be the best man and she said ok! I'm just really mad and upset that she thought I would be ok with it. I mean it's up to them of course but it would of been nice for them to tell me rather then their daughter telling me. She is only 8 so she wouldn't understand that I'd be upset but I am at her parents.When we were together it was 5 months away from our wedding when I found him using those websites to meet people for sex one night, he said it was only once or twice he talked to anyone and he never met them but the trust was gone already. I called the wedding off and a few weeks later left him altogether. Now the groom works in the same place as him so that's how I met him in the first place. They have been friends since leaving school. Am I over reacting? I mean it was 2 years ago but it's still fresh in my head. He really hurt me and my cousin knows how much. I've thought about saying I don't want to be in the wedding party or to let my younger sister (also a bridesmaid) be chief bridesmaid. Its just the fact that I once thought I'd walk down the aisle with him and now I will be but not as his wife. I love my cousin and I don't want to ruin her day by hurting her and I don't want to make the day difficult but either way I'm going to lose.I knew he would be at their wedding, and I have seen him at their house lots of times but its just different. How can I deal with this without hurting the couple? Or even how to go to him and talk our issues out. He sent me a message on facebook last week asking to meet up before their engagement party in Feb. Should i?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 January 2013):
 As the others have said, blood is thicker than water so if you are close to your cousin, just suck it up and get on with it.
The groom and your ex have been friends since school, therefore your cousin cant really tell her fiance to change who he wants as his best man, their friendship goes back longer than your relationship so that has to come first I'm afraid. If this is his best friend then that is the end of it, nothing that happened between the two of you can change that.
I dont think talking to your ex is going to achieve anything, I'm sure he will just have more excuses for you and it will only suck you back into that situation. I would leave it alone, dont bother trying to make peace with him or be friends again, you are just going to have to see each other on this one day - it doesnt warrant any discussions before the wedding just for the sake of one day.
Yes you are going to have to walk down the aisle with him - but believe me this goes in a flash and you will hardly notice you are walking next to him. You will be more focused on the bride, making sure no-one is standing on her dress, waving to family and friends etc to bother about whose arm you are holding onto. I was bridesmaid for my best friend, and one of the groomsmen was her ex who tried it on with all of her friends, including me. I really dont like the guy and I wasnt chuffed when I found out I'd be walking down the aisle with him, he'd sent me some really inappropriate messages in the past and still tried messaging me when he had a girlfriend (who was also at the wedding) so I didnt feel comfortable walking down the aisle with him, but it went by so quickly it was hardly worth bothering about.
I would put it all to the back of your mind, be polite but nothing more when you see your ex and just busy yourself with all the duties that a chief bridesmaid needs to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Suck it up and do the right thing. Smile and don't ruin HER day. This event is not about you.
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