A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I am new here. I was googling about my problem and came here to this site and thought to post my dilemma. Ok, I know this girl for one and half months and we have had talks for hours and found that we both like each other and planned a life ahead and are deciding on getting married to each other in future.All was going good until in one of our discussions I came to know that she had an affair with some guy and she hated him so much. This question was in my mind and she always tried to avoid this whenever I asked her. Finally one day she had courage to tell me truth that she had an affair with a guy and ended up getting pregnant with him( She din know until her periods stopped and she got tests done) She decided to get abortion done immediately. She terms it that it was not a mutual thing but more of a rape. I even asked her why she didn't report to the Police and she don't want to get into any good or bad communication with the guy.I feel very miserable now and in big dilemma that should I marry this girl or no. What should I do? What effects this can have in my future marriage life? Please advice me.Thanks
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abortion, affair, period Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI discussed things with her and she is open about things and she understands the situation and wants me to take my decision with care without involving emotions...may be at this point I am little scared about the situations but will surely try to work things out and try to give her a new start...may god help us !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): I think if you really are seroius about each other (both ways), then stay together and work through it. Focus on the issues at hand and healing them through doing fun things together and communication. Then when the relationship is strongf enough you may start thinking about marraige, but right now with you uncertainty about her, it will all end in tears to rush into something as 'life long' as marraige. Good luck and have fun!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Well, you are the person who has to decide if they can live with this or not!
You know, you should be able to forgive a person their past if you truly love them. Forgiveness is one of the main keys in Christianity, and that is something that you should aspire to, whatever Your religion is.
Honestly, if you thought back into YOUR past, were there NOT times where you wished that you would have slept with a girl, regardless of whether or not you wished a future with her? Perhaps then, you could understand, how a girl could believe, with all her heart that you were her true partner. She made an honest mistake, because she believed that her partner was telling her the truth.
Perhaps, YOU could be her truth. It sounds like she could use a knight-in-shining-armor!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLotus_mama808
This was her past which happened last year. She is seeing me now. She was not with this guy and me at same time.
Thanks for the advice.
Aeval
Thanks for your answer too, I am supportive for her that is why trying to know opinion of people how to go forward with it. If I was not then I would not be posting it here and would have already said no to her.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Because you two have only been seeng eachother, you are still in the "getting to know you" phase. I wasnt clear though, did she have this affair while you were with her? In that case, it could effect your future with her because your trust for her may be compramised. If this happend before you were seeing her, then your future with her may not be compramised. It would be considered her past, and fortunately for you, she didnt make this poor decision while you are in love with her. HOWEVER, let this be a sign that perhaps you should slow it down a little with her. The "getting to know you" phase is important in a relationship because it will help you decide if she is the right one for you. If her past is something you can look beyond because your feelings for her are so strong, then she might be the one. If you dwell her past to the point where you cant think about her without thinking about it, she may not be the one. You should tell her how this is bothering you, and try to figure out a way to look past it and move forward. Good luck hon. It will be okay.
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A
female
reader, Aeval  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 Hmmm, yes ok.
I think leave her, only because you are not mature enough to deal with this.
If your concern is about the abortion then you need to look around and learn a thing or two.
The woman was raped, you should be supportive of her if you care about her, if you are asking if this will come back to haunt her in the future there is a good chance it may.
Its only been a month or so, why are you even thinking of wedding bells??? How do you know she wants to marry you?
Just a little word of advice here champ, once you get married you support each other to the end, you pick each other up and you make sure you are there...
Good luck, move on, let this girl find someone who will be a good supportive husband to her.
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