| A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am married. I love my wife and daughter. Lately I find myself thinking about a friend (who is female) alot. We talk to each other 3-4 times a day. My wife says my face lights up when I talk to this friend. She says that I am in love with this friend. This friend and I talk at all hours of the day. Sometimes as early as 6am. or as late as 10:30pm. When I am not talking to her I think about her alot. I would like to be intimate with her. Is my wife right? Am I in love with this frined? What should I do? Should I put a stop to the friendship? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bluenote  +, writes (14 November 2008):
The answer to your situation is easy. Flip the script and see if you would approve of your wife giving some other man this much attention.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): DO NOT....stay because of a child/children...As hard as divorce is it is better to have two parents seperately who are happy than to grow up watching the anger resentment and hurt get worse and worse. To have it throne in a childs face by one parent or the other that they stayed because of the child and gave up their life/happiness.
...............................
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 You have a kid! I should have read your post more carefully.
Well that changes the tone of my original response. Give your bloody head a shake (the big head that is) and decide how much more hurt you would like to inflict upon your family, especially your child. Years from now you will be known as either a good father and husband or the idiot who wrecked the lives of his family for a little ego boost from a tramp who didn't respect the boundaries a married man should have known were there.
How is it that you don't know that in your current circumstance having a woman calling you at all hours is totally inappropriate and crosses the boundary of respectful behaviour?
...............................
A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (27 July 2008):
 have you ever thought to yourself that your wife is saying your in love with this woman because she wants you to admitt it to her... i can just image how much pain she is in even THINKING that you are in love with someone else
like other posters said ask yourself what do you cherish more? think about your life without your wife is it happy? think about your life with this other woman is it happy?
think about your daughter is she happy?
if you love your wife even a little and you want to work on things this relationship this friendship needs to either be reavaluated and discussed on how this should not go beyond anything else and this NEEDS to stop or you are going to end up in a very messed up situation and hurting yourself and everyon in your life!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (27 July 2008):
have you ever thought to yourself that your wife is saying your in love with this woman because she wants you to admitt it to yourself... i can just image how much pain she is in even THINKING that you are in love with someone else
like other posters said ask yourself what do you cherish more? think about your life without your life is it happy? think about your life with this other woman is it happy?
think about your daughter is she happy?
if you love your wife even a little still and you want to work on things this relationship and friendship needs to either be reavaluated and discussed on how this should not go beyond anything else and this NEEDS to stop or you are going to end up in a very messed up situation and hurting yourself and everyon in your life!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, bellasmommy +, writes (27 July 2008):
wow. if you want to be intimate with her... YOU DONT NEED TO BE TALKING TO HER ANYMORE!!!! ESPECIALLY IF YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE!! lol If you think about her, it doesnt mean your in love really... just... lust? idk but it would be best if you stopped talking to her, or atleast minimize your conversations with her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Hi
the answer or clue is not always because somebody makes your face light up! LOVE can make your face sad, etc!
Your wife may make you sad, if you were not with her?????
is this love?
you may find yourself thinking at 6am.. where is she?
the choice is yours, the riddles of life??????good luck which ever path you take, i hope it is the right one either way.
...............................
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (26 July 2008):
Tell us, what is your inner voice telling you?
I think you are looking for validation on this forum. However your inner voice, if it has a properly aligned moral compass, will be screaming something at you. To this point you have steadfastly ignored it because you are tickled by the attention this "friend" is giving you.
There are some serious boundary issues at play in this triangle, and it is best if you to choose sooner than later how you would like your life to look years from now. Or your wife might just get fed up and decide for you, which is probably what you would prefer.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Okay I am probly going to get alot of CR** but here goes...There is a difference between love and lust and we all know that. Can you imagine you life without this "friend"? Is she someone you just want to be intimate with or share your life with. Now ask the same about your wife how does it feel to picture your life without her.People are brought into our lives for difference reasons. It could be you were meant to share only so much with your wife and your destiny is this other person. We all change and grow in differt ways though our life and sometimes what we may have started out wanting or thinking we wanted changes and that is ok life is too short to settle. Really think about the questions I told you to ask yourself beyond the possible failure of a marriage feeling and hurting your partner. Who would you really miss sharing things with...Good Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Why should it be right that a married man has a friend who calls him or he calls her 3-4 times a day? That's very wrong and I don't know what are you thinking. You are engaged in an emotionally adulterous relationship with your female "friend" in fornt of your wife and have to stop inmmediately. You should learn to set healthy boundaries with other females if you want to keep your marriage and daughter. Married men don't have females friends if they are not friends of the wife first. I cannot imagine all the pain, shame and hurt you are causing to your wife by doing this. You have to understand that because you are married doesn't mean you are going to stop finding other women attractive but is the wise decision that you make about that what separates the men from the kids.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Are you in love with her? I don't know, but you certainly seem to be in lust with her. I'd not necessarily end the friendship, but certainly cool it off a bit. Especially if my partner was getting het up about the way I was behaving.
I've got a few female friends too and I might look one or two of them up and down and think to myself "I'd like to slip *her* a crippler!" but thinking about it and doing it are two different things. I'd need their consent in the first place! And seeing as they're friends of my partner too it's not likely to happen - not least because I wouldn't do it and secondly because they certainly wouldn't betray their friendship.
If you love family life as much as you say, you'd better tread very carefully or you'll no longer have one, and once you're single again and not such a challenge, the friend, in all probability, won't be interersted in you any more either.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Yes. You should put a stop to the friendship.It seems unfair, b/c you've found a friend in whom you take such delight. But this 'friend' is having an impact on your marriage, and it's not an impact you want it to have. Whether or not you think you ever WOULD cheat, you note in your post that you "would like to be intimate with her." Your wife deserves more respect than this. You owe it to your family to devote yourself to them entirely.There are loads of people out there in the world, and many of them can be entertaining, and you may find great connections over the course of your life. But at the end of the day, wouldn't you rather be the guy who didn't just let his marriage die by default?End the friendship. It will be hard. You may even mourn the loss. There will probably be fallout with your wife, as she realizes that her suspicions were not entirely unfounded. You guys let your relationship get to a place where someone else came between you. (By the way - I don't think you're in love with your friend - I think you have a crush, and I think it's exciting and different, and I think your wife is hurt, and rightfully so. I think she feels betrayed by the alienation of your attention, and I think you owe it to her to cut things off with the friend, be sure your wife knows that you never crossed the line of cheating, and that you are committed to your family.)You have a kid. Your wife was, at one point, at least, so much the love of your life that you married her and said 'til death do us part. Marriage comes with ups and downs. Don't you want to be able to look back, 20 years from now, and enjoy the memories of a life shared together, with the woman who brought life to your family?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): yes stop communicating with this "other woman" which if you are not careful she will become and concentrate on your marriage. your wife deserves more than that
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (26 July 2008):
 Yes. Yes you should.
Whether or not you have gotten to a place of love with your friend, you are well on your way and by now should know that your relationship is inappropriate. get off the phone with this woman and get active with your own wife. I think your wife deserves ALL of your attention, rather than just a slice of it. Every time you feel like calling this woman, talk to your wife instead. Maybe you need to spice up your marriage and get excited about each other again. Get out of the rut you may be in.
You should definitely cool it with this friendship you've created. She is getting in the way of your marriage, happiness and life.
Good luck, sweetness.
xx India
...............................
|
