A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI have had a baby and my husband has lost all interest in me sexually.I did not gain any weight. But do now have a C-section scar.Baby now 6 months and we have not had sex. I have tried to seduce him, much to my embarrasement, he said he was too tired. Tried to talk about it, but each time he ahs a different reason shy he doesnt want to have sex. It ranges from he is too tired, to the baby might wake up while we are busy, to this is normal for couples with a new baby, to he just cant see me in the same way sexually now that I am a mother, to we arent in our twenties anymore, to life is too busy to fool around, to he worries about money now that we have a child, to he is just getting used to being a father...You get the picture?I dont know what to do.He assures me everything is ok and it is just an adjustment thing.He is not cheating, I am sure of that. And if he is masturbating, I never catch him.What to do????
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 This is normal. Some men find it a bit overwhelming when their partners bodies change, also watching you give birth may have been traumatic for him, did he actually watch? To him at the moment your body has another use and he doesnt feel he can be close to you. This should get better but if it doesnt then you may need counselling to find out exactly what is going on in his head x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): This reminds me of a mate of mine. His wife was the one who was reluctant to resume their sex life. Her two excuses were "The baby is awake - he might hear us" and "The baby is alseep - we might wake him up".
The one thing you haven't mentioned is that he could be afraid of opening up your scar if it's a fresh-ish wound. I doubt the sight of the scar itself is putting him off.
Maybe he hasn't got used to being a father yet, but to my mind the most likely scenario is that he no longer sees you as his lover but the mother of his child.
I'd suggest, if it's at all possible, the two of you leave the baby with its grandparent for a couple of nights and disappear for a dirty weekend break somewhere different to rekindle your love life, and to get up to all the hanky-panky you once enjoyed. You can but suggest it and hopefully he'll be all for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): Oh dear, my heart is going out to you; having to deal with a small baby and sexual frustration; not to mention the emotional turmoil due to your husbands lack of interest; Vow, that is surely not easy.
You mentioned you had a Ceasarian; was he present? As this could have an psycological affect; it does not often happen, but I am aware of cases like that;then I only have one suggestion: COUNSELING
I suggest you talk to him and tell him how you feel and how much you need him, also sexually; tell him that you value and appreciate him being loving and supportive; his concerns for money for you and the child; BUT that you also need him as a lover; If he does not make any effort; and if he is still not interested in making love with you; I once again suggest counseling; DON'T leave this, the longer the more harm or damge; pay attention to this problem NOW;
yes, everything might be a little much for him to deal with on his own; the responsibility; lack of sleep with baby;
BUT
get professional help; it is not the normal reaction of a new dad; there is some problem and some issues that needs to be resolved; maybe he is even scared of another pregnancy; I know this might sound crazy; but I have dealt with men with fears and issues like that;
DON'T allow your marraige to DRIFT; get HELP.
Best wishes and lots of hugs and SMILES.
Keep us posted.
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