A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Is it strange that my wife of 20 years invites another man to stay the night at our house? She apparently arranged this visit several weeks back, but didn't let me know about the plans, ask for my opinion, nor tell me until a few days before he showed up. More info: She met this guy on a tour several months ago. It could be innocent and an act of kindness, but it just seems strange.- Broken Hearted Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Has your wife done flaky things like this in the past? Does she normally invite people over to spend the night without consulting you first or does she fly by the seat of her pants most of the time?
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (15 July 2014):
 I don't know, I'm leaning towards innocent - just kind of flaky.
She didn't arrange for him to stay over while you were out of town or anything, it doesn't seem like she made plans for them to privately go out while you stayed at home - it seems that she probably said, "oh yeah, sure you can stay here!", and forgot about it until weeks later when he said, "oh hey - see you in a few days!" and she was like, "... Great!! (ohshitiforgottotellmyhusband)"
I don't quite see where the sketchiness or weirdness is, if you're going to be around and it's not exactly as if she kept it a secret, so much as she blanked on telling you until a few days before.
I'm perfectly normal, and this seems like something that I would do. I guess I'm just like that - a little spontaneous, a tiny bit flaky, and like doing acts of kindness. My husband has grown used to this, so between us - it's definitely not weird.
Maybe some more details could help sway your split jury?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Call me stupid, but I think it COULD be innocent. When you travel you often make " travel friendships ", at some pont it's fatal that you let slip out, in conversations, "I am from Okefenokee, if you ever come to our neck in the woods, come and see us ". It's just.. polite, social, you don't really mean it / wish it / want it,... because how many chances there are that somebody actually makes plans, or changes their existing plans, to go see an occasional travel companion . Well, a few do (big moochers, generally ). It may be that your wife extended this invitaton without thinking too much of it, and this man took her just at face value. She may not have told you because she thought nothing of it, or actually had forgotten about it, then this guy resurfaced all of a sudden to exact his pound od flesh in free room and board.
Of course that's my arbitrary reconstruction of what happened, I can't say I am sure. But , didn't you ask your wife ? Did you ask her " who is this guy, WHY did you invite him, why didn't you tell me before " etc... ? If yes, what did she say ? If not... why not ?!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 July 2014):
What did your wife say when you asked her why she did this behind your back? Do you even talk to your wife? This is very weird indeed. Did she give you an explanation for the invitation? Is the guy too poor to pay for a motel? When is he supposed to arrive?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 YEP! this qualifys as strange alright
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 July 2014):
If there isn't something wierd about that then you're wierd!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): She's your wife of 20 years, and you couldn't walk up to her and ask her what the hell is going on?
Married people don't invite strangers into their homes, and not consult with their spouses first. Unless she's trying to send you a message.
I suggest you two have a talk. That's a pretty bold move.
Well, it's been 20 years. You didn't say they were happy.
She has either lost her freaking mind; or you've been a very neglectful husband. I would suggest that you have her get a physical examination; and be tested for an undetected mental or physical illness.
Either that, or that guy may start moving in his things. You may have a new boarder or tenant.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 July 2014):
Of course it is weird. That is not normal. Not sure what more to say here but good luck with this madness.
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