A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently received a hug and a kiss on the cheek from someone kind of well known I admire. I met her after an event with few other who were waiting. A few of us gave her cards and I gave her a few yellow flowers to say all the best, she was genuinely touched I did this, told me I made her feel special and took a photo with me, as she did with a couple of other but they got no hug, ( and I did it in kind, not to be creepy!!) she is a genuine person and in a another life I think we could be friends. I was lucky to meet her, I know this. It made my day, as I do not receive affection in my life and I really admire this woman (not in sexual way!! I just think she very kind and inspirational)hey we all have people we admire! this is OK right?now I feel so down, she has left my city and back to her life, I have nothing to look forward to, no event planned. I work and I live my life and I try to be positive but I really enjoyed the event and the build up ad the atmosphere and now I feel so low, as I imagine others may feel too.my few friends are too busy (as most people are) and I see them every 3-12 months for a coffee or lunch if I am lucky, I like seeing them and never push for more, but I need closer f/ships.They are not the sort of friends I could call on in an emergency or just to "hang out" we don't seak on the phone, only text occasionally. This is todays peoples communication..sad but true.. I don't even know if I consider them friends, are they? I need affection so badly that it hurts, a simple hug is all, I don't mean sex right now (though someday that would be nice again) I am not allowed pets where I live so that rules out getting a dog or cat.what happens to humans if they don't get hugs at all and is it normal to feel down after having a good time?ie vacation, event, concert etc etc, anything one looks forward to and then bang! gone..what can I do, Id like to have a friend, similar quality to this person I mentioned but sadly I don't, women are too cliquey and I am a nice person, interested in others and am a sometimes social person but am always ignored.for those louder or with seeminglying better lives.thoughts? and please no hate.thankyou
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): Start planning the next thing. It could be trip, a purchase of something expensive, redecorating your room/house, a road trip, back to study something, a new hobby (dancing/sewing...)
I find a new project/event on the horizon is great for keeping away boredom or the feeling of loss.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): WiseOwlE can I just say that your response is very kind, but some people GENUINELY have no family - I am one of them, all of my family are dead and have been since I was in my 20's. I never received much affection as a kid and there will never be any chance of me going back to my family and 'starting there'. I really like your responses on this site, but I have also written into this site before asking for help about what to do if you have no family at all - and received no responses. So PLEASE bear in mind that it can hurt people when they read so much stuff about drawing on family for support. It's so easy to assume that people have family, not everyone does.
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A
female
reader, Aemita  +, writes (15 July 2014):
 Hello there.
While reading everything you have wrote, I couldn't help but think of me(ironically enough).
Having a busy lifestyle, a packed schedule as you do, it is indeed hard to meet the right people and make long-lasting connections. You have mentioned some friends, but they aren't really around and they most definitely do not give you what you truly seek out. Nowadays people just seem to have lost their sense of communication, their sense of getting together and having a good time.
Then again, I sensed you spoke only from your side..as it were. Everything revolving around you and not "them". In order to change that, you must, must, MUST take another approach. It might be hard at first, it might even seem impossible to do (because life seems so busy), but trust me when I say, life ain't that busy. There's always something you can do about it.
I would strongly suggest for you to go out more. And no, I'm talking about clubs/bars and such things. I am talking however about becoming more available to people. Depending on your city, there are multiple events you could go to and meet new people and establish new connections, which will eventually(hopefully) turn into something you're seeking.
There's always the possibility of being a volunteer for various charities. That of course if you are interested. That might look time-consuming at first, but upon a closer look, it is not. If you are looking for genuine affection, there's one place where you most definitely will find it.
Being ignored as you have mentioned, should not put you off. Not at all. If anything, it should give you a boost to try harder. You've mentioned you're a positive person. Well, take that and turn in around. Say to yourself, "challenge accepted".. next time you feel you're ignored, try a little harder. No harm in trying.
And as for the question per se, nothing happens to humans that don't get hugs. They might turn to be colder, but then again they have the opportunity to become more level-headed because they know they don't have to rely on somebody's affection/approval as it were. They stand tall, YOU stay tall. You're not dependent on emotion, you're not being manipulated by it either. But that's a whole other story.
Plus, you won't be able to have a good time every day of the week, 24/7. It's not possible. So enjoy it while it last and instead of getting into a depressed mode after that "good-time" is over, concentrate on the positive aspect of it. And look forward to the next event. Make sure you have every now and again, events you could go to.
Keep your head high, keep a positive attitude and outlook. Life's not that black and white as some like to portray it. It has many shades. Trust me.
Take care.
T.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): this is the poster
im not affectionate with my family
and i live alone in a diff state to them
hugging family isnt an option
not all of us have huggy families
i was not star struck! im not some teen
one day ill get a hug from a friend
what about feeling down after anevent
can anyonr help?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): I have experienced the same thing myself. I moved to a big city last year where I didn't really know anyone, and those I did know were always too busy and I rarely saw them. I didn't go out much, and my already introverted nature only intensified. It can be very lonely, but - just as WiseOwlE has pointed out - I had to go and put myself out there, even if it was scary. Getting involved in things and meeting others eventually led to my forming some solid friendships. Try using Meetup to find people with similar interests to you; volunteer for charity; even go outside and door outdoorsy things! You will soon meet people who truly care for you. You sound like a very caring and considerate person; just make sure to always send that energy out and it will come back to you. I am also sending you the biggest hug!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): You speak nothing of your family. What about your parents?
Do you have siblings? Aunts, uncles, and cousins?
People often write to DC and concentrate all their emotions and feelings heavily on relationships, friends, and everyone else.
What about their own flesh and blood? Who else loves you when you can't find it anywhere else? If they haven't crossed your mind, that's your fault.
If you are estranged from some of your family, you have to build new connections with other members who harbor no ill-will toward you. You must rebuild bridges where the family-ties have fractured. If you haven't gotten along, now's the time to extend an olive branch.
You can also volunteering your time to charity and organizations that help people. I have. The gratitude is often very emotional and sincere. You get bear-hugs and puppy hugs form kids who thought nobody cared anymore. They have only witnessed the anguish in their parent's faces, faced tragedies, and had to survive on nothing. To see them smile and receive a hug in gratitude is more than awesome. Just because someone helped them, their hug is a great reward.
If you've been a longways from home; it's time to go back and give them your heart. If you've cut yourself off from your own family; don't be surprised that the rest of the world can't replace those who were given to you by birth.
People starved of affection can survive; they simply feel detached and isolated. So start from home, and work your way from there.
You were star-struck and felt a sense of awe over the celebrity's fame. That isn't real affection. They show that to all their fans. They see hundreds and thousands of fans; and can't really make an emotional-connection to someone they've met in a fleeting moment.
When you came down off your "high" from meeting someone you admired; you felt your life to be small and insignificant. That's because you rely on people coming to you. You expect affection to just come at you. Sorry, but sometimes you have to work for it. A hug for a few flowers from someone famous really has very little meaning, my dear.
You went out of your way to meet that celebrity; try doing the same with the people you love, or at making new friends.
Start with family. No one hugs like your mother, father, or grandparents. Try it. It apparently has been too long.
If you worship, fellow-worshipers offer a generous supply of goodwill and hugs. If you don't reach out to people and make yourself available, you will feel isolated.
I can't see you or touch you, but my heart has reached out to you; and I am giving you a great big hug right now! I offer you my time and words of comfort. Go home to your family, and find love there. That's who I turn to when I need it.
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