A
male
age
51-59,
*randpa
writes:I am a 43 year male who is married to a wonderful person. Found out that she has been emailing, chatting, probably talking to what I believe is a first love, the discussions she has are sexually (I miss you and would love you to touch me #@!$ on by boobs and @@#$@ under a blanket in my swing. I wish we were on a beach somewhere far away alone enjoying ourselves). stuff like that, I asked flat out if she wanted to be with him then tell me now she said no that they are just friends nothing meant by it that she said she wasn't doing anything wrong, that she was married to me only. I am confused why friends like that talk to each other. She tries to respect my feelings by not talking to much any more but she still does it. Is this right or am I overstepping my bounds?
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female
reader, OSCARS MUMMY  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 ... sorry i really have a bee in my bonnet about this one dont I! - she seems a very good manipulator - dont please let her pull the wool over your eyes - get support and be tough - either you get tough or your wife will soon be sleeping with someone else
A
female
reader, OSCARS MUMMY +, writes (26 June 2009):
hey... my heart goes out to you.... when all of a sudden did she begin to decide what happens in YOUR relationship... i'm sorry but she is having her cake and eating it - she is not giving in or giving him up, at some point they will end up meeting and maybe even having sex, this is just a kind of foreplay but it will happen - if i was you i would give her an ultimatum - i would even confide in your family members why go through this alone - yes you may lover her but she is being horrible to you and has no respect - how would she have felt if you send a photo of your private parts to another woman???? I wonder what this guys wife would think if she found out? I am so angry for you - i personally suggest you give her the ultimatum and tell everyone what she has been up to - then you'll probabaly get a lot of support from them and courage to tell her to sling her hook!!! She is in the wrong if she loved you this wouldnt happen.. please get support from family and freinds x
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A
male
reader, grandpa +, writes (11 June 2009):
grandpa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate, my wife and I have discussed our situation, she has stated they were never boyfriend/girlfriend in there younger years which is when they became friends. She flatly states they are nothing more than good friends, that she couldn't have female friends because she couldn't get along. She always had male friends. I don't understand how a female/male friends can talk or email or text dirty thoughts to each other. Am I just blowing this way out. She says the only way our marriage will end is if I end it. She has been thro one before and she doesn't like the feeling. We also have 6 grandkids that this would be affected also. I am a person that doesn't believe in doing this kind of crap, and I have let her know it. She has backed off on doing it, I believe, but I think she still does it. I do know she sent him a upper body picture to him, of course no bra. Your thoughts
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): "and that they made clear to each other that this would not get out of hand in any other way" WHo is she trying to convince you or her.
i am so angry right now for her making a fool of you. she is sexually explicit with this man, she advised him that she wants him to do things to her sexually and she says its not out of hand! and you just meekly accept this from her. you are a man for good ness sake. this wife of yours is telling you that she finds sexual gratification with this married man and you do NOTHING.
SHE is also having an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR with him. does his wife even know that her hb is sexually excited by another person. does his wife know that your wife has been offering herself to this man sexually. at the rate all of this is panning out - by you not putting a firm stop to this, it is like you are ok with this affair and have given her an open invitation to spread her legs (if not now but very soon).
you are not a fool so please do not allow her to treat you as such. you are not her plain doormat. this woman is actually laughing her head of at how easily she had you wrapped around her finger. she knows that your meekness allows her to do what she wants. if you want your marriage to survive then her liason with this man has to end. tell her marriage = 2 people, not 3 (with her married man).
this will blow up in your face very very soon. i should also advise that you need to be firm. even threaten her with a seperation - basically she has to choose HIM OR YOU. Simple. you may be surprised that she doesn't choose you in the end. then it gives you the answer all right.
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A
female
reader, sbarr10 +, writes (20 May 2009):
Good heavens, I can't believe a husband would put up with this! "Nothing meant by it?" Then WHY is she doing it?!?
I am female and I say she is absolutely being unfaithful to you! There is nothing for you to be confused about here - she likely needs counseling, and you probably do too for putting up with this from such a "wonderful" person.
She may be "addicted" to this kind of behavior and needs to stop ALL of it immediately - a little bit on the side while you're not looking is most definitely not OK.
Prayers and best of luck resolving this!
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A
male
reader, unclezak +, writes (20 May 2009):
if anyone's gone beyond any bounds, it's her
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A
female
reader, OSCARS MUMMY +, writes (20 May 2009):
she is cheating on you - maybe not physically but mentally its just as bad - you have to lay down the law here either she cuts off all ties with him or its over, i know its harsh but she is totally disrespecting you - these are things she should be saying to you.. why should you have to put up with this? She obviously feels there is something lacking from being married to you needs to find 'what is missing' elsewhere, its wrong. Who knows where is will lead - they could end up meeting up and having sex - are you willing to wait until that happens?? I would get rid of the computer and unless she wants to try to make your marraige work get rid of her too
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A
female
reader, some gurl  +, writes (20 May 2009):
what she does is extremely wrong, and not respecting, i think you have to take a serious reaction. you both have to talk about your limits, and what is acceptable in your marriage and what is not..
sexual flirting is not what friends do at all, i think what she does to show respect is not enough at all.
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A
male
reader, grandpa +, writes (20 May 2009):
grandpa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto further update on the question, she says that I am the only person in her life and that she would not and does not want to leave me to be with him, that he is also married to a wonderful person and that they made clear to each other that this would not get out of hand in any other way. They are both committed to there spouses. Sorry if I didn't clarify more info. I am one of those types that wouldn't do this at all and it is tearing me apart inside to think that she is doing it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): You have the right to know what she is doing. I think she is wrong for talking that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): she is wrong. she has been enjoying sexual flattery with this man and this man is not her hb. she is lying when she says it doesn't mean anything. and that she did nothing wrong. this wife is yours is trying to pass this off as an inncocent friendship but it isn't. online affairs are devastating and ripping marriage apart. as you will find out. has she stopped communication and are you sure she is not chatting with other men as well.
her sexual communication is wrong. she should stop all contact with this man and you are not over stepping your role as her hb. if you 'allow" such indescretions they only you have yourself to blame. you have the evidence of her cheating and she cannot talk you out of it. she clearly disrespects you and your feeling by continuing chatting online.
please read the many posts here which will give you a glimps of what on line chatting and cheating does to a relationship.
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