A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Need some advice please. My married manager who I for the last year have seen more as an uncle and he's a great deal older than me, i'm only 20. He's met my parents several times and I always saw him more like a caring uncle than my manager. However things very slowly and subtly stated to take a more sexual turn and its getting worse and worse I don't know what to do? If I tell him to completely leave me alone I know that he will make work life hell for me but if I don't do anything I know it will get worse. He's very possessive of me and if any other male attempts to touch me he pulls me away. I tried to ignore him but even then his attitude towards me turned slightly more sour. I feel that my only option is to let things carry on but avoid him as possible as leaving is not an option.
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female
reader, unmeidaagonyaunt  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 This is a situation in which he is setting you up to be abused, or worse. This is not a tenable situation.
For unemployment and/or legal purposes, you should keep track of all emails and other correspondence between you and him, in case you have to explain it later.
Life is too short. Get out now and save yourself the hurt before he hurts you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): a) I haven't slept with him! b) How is me being manipulated into a situation that I don't want to be in by a man that I trusted and treated like an uncle my own fault? Maybe check your facts and look past your own moral high ground before you get all high and mighty!
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A
female
reader, swordandredrose +, writes (26 May 2011):
I hate to tell you this but this is a total mess!
I know it sounds harsh but I think both of you need to pay for what you did. You slept with a married man and he cheated on his wife. You should tell him that you have to end this no matter what. I know that you are going to lose your job but it is going to worth it because it seems like you are being possessed by this man and you have no independence. Do you want to live your life like a slave for the rest of your life? NO! Of course not! You are too young and there are so many guys out there for you. You should end this right now. You will lose your job, true, but think of it as your punishment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Hi all, for your answers. At this current moment in time leaving my job is impossible. I have considered bringing it up with one of the other managers, as I get on very well with all of them, but he is a very much loved and respected member of the team and I don't think it would go down very well. Another member of staff has mentioned to me that he noticed his general inappropriate over friendless with several female members of staff at work, but that is just how he is. I've tried avoiding him but he makes excuses to see me, and at work he's always calling me his gorgeous/beautiful girl etc etc and it just makes me cringe, because I am not at all attracted to him. It's not a case of leaving him, as I'm not with him and I don't wish to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): I think you should leave him even if it is gonna cost you your job...not cz he is not treating you well but cz he is married
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Definitely DO NOT let this carry on.This man is in a position of power and responsibility in relation to you. He is effectively abusing that power to have sex with you against your will, and you are so scared of losing your job that you are going along with it. That isn't just immoral of him - it's illegal. It's important that you cut all emotional ties. Be really professional around him, but firmly reject all sexual advances. Keep a diary of anything untowards that he does and try to get and keep evidence of his behaviour, e.g. emails, texts. If he tries to fire you, you have a strong case for wrongful dismissal and sexual harassment. Do not be tempted to just let this slide. This man is not a nice, friendly uncle - he's an outrageous, bullying abuser who is exploiting a young, attractive woman in his employ. Do NOT sleep with him just because you feel it makes your life easier - trust me when I say that you will feel absolutely dreadful in the longterm if you use your sexuality to get out of an awkward situation in this way. What he is doing to you verges on coercion/rape. Think about it! It simply isn't right for you to feel that you have to sleep with someone to keep your job! I also think that you desperately need to tell someone about this - someone you can trust, who will not fly off the handle and threaten this man (placing you and your party in the wrong), but who will calmly help and support you as you use legitimate means to place yourself out of reach of harm.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Is there someone where you work that you can trust like an HR department? I would be honest and say that you like your job and feel that you have been very loyal and commited to it and ask if you can transfer to another department in another store or branch. Also say that this is a once in a lifetime mistake and that you have got into some hot water you would like to get out of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): I agree with Basschick. I've been in a similar situation as you and the only way was another job. That way I could cleanly put the past behind me and maintain my dignity and professionalism. You can start by being less available for this guy while you get working on job applications. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I think you have no choice but to line up another job, and then pull the plug on your relationship and end your employment there. This isn't going to end neatly. It's going to be a train wreck if you try to continue working there and I don't think the job is worth the stress. Just quietly start looking and as soon as you have secured a new position, give your notice and end the affair. Clean. Change your phone number if you have to. He'll get over it.
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