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My wife has been having an affair, I want his name and details

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 June 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 29 June 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 51-59, *w1028 writes:

My wife was caught having an affair by his wife, a couple of days later I caught her out, she admitted it and said she didn't love me anymore, she has since changed her mind but refuses to give any details about the affair, I have said as a minimum I need ti know his name and contact details - what information should she give about the affair?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

yep i think the last poster is right: her lover ditched her sorry ass therfore she now wants to be with you........show her the door. and bolt if after she leaves. don't be a cuckold anymore, show her that you will not tolerate her whoring ways and that you are smarter than her. she is still controlling and still DICTating the terms of your marriage. Time to show her whos the boss!!

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A female reader, GoingThruASpell United States +, writes (29 June 2010):

Re the other guy details, she has to tell you the person if it is someone you both know.

I hate to say it... Maybe the other guy wouldn't leave his wife for her and that's why she changed her mind. I agree with the others that it's very important to find out why she had the affair. I wish you the best.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010):

if you decide to stay with her and it is that important to you to know the details. (and i can see why, it might be a close friend or some other person you know) then tell her that is a condition of staying together.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010):

bulldust, you should know everything, SO THAT YOU ARE NOT MADE A FOOL OF AGAIN. by her not disclosing anything it means that she can continue with her affair, fing and then coming home as a good faithful wife. when you know who the 3rd party iss then at least you will be wiser and not look like an idiot. trust me, you need to know it all or she will continue her cheating ways.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):

Forget details it will only hurt you more get outa dodge

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A male reader, twinlab99 United States +, writes (26 June 2010):

twinlab99 agony auntDude...just take the money out of the bank account and leave.

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A male reader, spinnaker United States +, writes (26 June 2010):

spinnaker agony auntCaringguy is absolutely right in this. This is an issue between you and your wife and you must work it out alone.

Moreover what do you plan to do with this iformation if it is afforded to you? Go after the guy? Compare yourself to the person? BEat yourself up?

While having that information may answer a lot of questions it fails to answer the right ones.

Best of luck to you in this. I can only imagine how you must feel.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):

Sorry CaringGuy, you answer wasn't there when I posted, I didn't mean to repeat what you said.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):

Knowing his name and contact details isn't going to help you two fix things. What you should be thinking about is are you going to be able to forgive her, if yes you two should spend your time and energy working together on your marriage.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (26 June 2010):

More important is WHY she had the affair in the first place. Whoever the guy was, he is not to blame and knowing his name won't make this any better, nor will his details. What is more important is you find out why she had the affair in the first place. You two need to worry about that, not who the guy was.

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