A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my wife have been married 9years.... in that 9years she has cheated on me 5times that i know of... out of the 5times i have decided too get a hold of one of the guys.... me being me i wanted too see what she was acting like.... come too find out he was told by her that he was the 14 guy she has been with since being with me..... i have hinted around to my wife asking if she wanted to tell me anything from the past to help clear the air as we move on that she can without me leaving her .... i told her it hurts more the fact that she would hide anything from me..... we have 3 kids on is a little over 2 months old now and i just wanted to know if there is anyway i can get her too open up.... she seems to want to but then shuts down right when it seems like she is going to talk.... any help??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): I agreed with Stacey (26), once a cheater, always a cheater. Some people cheat because it gave them more self confidence and a push of adrenalin. They became addicted to it, some even enjoy doing it. Guilt is never an issue for those who are season cheaters so is respect for others, especially those who love them. So why sulk and be bitter? she is not worth your faithfullness..
A
female
reader, Stacey26  +, writes (24 August 2009):
I agree id make sure that all 3 kids are really yours!! and why put up with her she clearly doesnt respect you what kind of relatonship is that?? ONCE a cheater Always a Cheater I would have dropped her already you could find so much better dont stay just for the children you also need to think about you and what this is doing to you. i guess it would be driving you insane! but if you really want it to work your relationship needs a lot of work i say you tell her you know talk it over and seek help together! and if she still doesnt respect your feelings and keeps doing it i say GET OUT AND LOOK FOR REAL LOVE!! if she really loved you she would only sleep and be with you and only you thats a real commitment!
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A
female
reader, linz09  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 She is using you as a doormat love, continually cheating on you and making you feel worthless and pathetic, it's an awful predicament to live in. I would tell her you can no longer be treated like this and leave, taking the children with you. You have to get out as it will destroy you and after a while the love you thought you still feel turns to hate.I hope making this step helps you see the strain and unhappiness you have been living with.linz :)
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A
male
reader, JSBach +, writes (24 August 2009):
The only way you might get her to talk is by telling her that you are going to leave and meaning it. She might say, "OK go", or she might actually start analysing her behaviour, and you might get some answers. But bear in mind that the answers you get could be very hurtful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Hi Buddy.You've got a situation on your hands alright. All the advice you've been given thusfar (esp. the paternity one) are great for you to look into, but I'd like to ask you a couple more things.When you found out about the first affair, how did you feel? and has this feeling diminished or strengthened after each affair?14 affairs is a huge amount. Most spouses don't even get away with one. Not getting stuck into you, but do you think it makes you a better person to allow that to happen, and is it reasonable to think that on some level, you may actually enjoy it? I'd look into that.when you "got hold" of one of the guys, was it by the throat? or did you just casually ask how your wife came to be with him, and not get angry?The point to all this is that she's having all these affairs for reasons unknown, but they are affairs because you're letting her continue to get away with it. Without trying to be offensive, you should also look into getting your spine back. The time has passed for hinting around. Just drop that bomb on her and see how she explains her way out of it. She is showing a complete lack of respect for you.Lastly, how would she feel if you went out a got a little on the side? Would she be hurt and angry or just not care? Could she trust you again? Does she trust you? Does she feel for you?Dunno how you put up with it mate. I really don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): lets just say you get her to open up...then what? You will have confirmation of what you already know. I think you need to begin thinking about what steps to make for yourself and your kids because this marriage is going no where fast. You are both beating around the bush here, and for her to have cheated on you so many times, there's some issues that need to be dealt with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): My advice would be to make sure that all of the kids are actually yours so that you don't get saddled with alimony you're not liable for when you finally wake up and get away from this cheater.
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A
female
reader, bellababyy +, writes (24 August 2009):
you should just tell her that you know she cheated.
it will probably help her open up more so she doesn't have to release that big bomb on you that she cheated.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (24 August 2009):
 I'm not going to tell you to hang in there or to get out... I am definitely pro-marriage but your case makes me question that... But regardless as I have told others look at marriagebuilders.com it has a lot of useful material for marriage in general but a lot of stuff about different types of affairs and how to best confront them based on the type of affair you are struggling against.Hope you find something useful there and I will pray for guidance for you.
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