A
male
age
41-50,
*breig81
writes:I recently learned that my wife was seeing someone else through people that I work with. She admitted to having an affair, and I have been on a roller coaster of emotions for about a week now. We've been married for almost 5 years, we have 2 young daughters, and I have never cheated on my wife. She eventually used the reasoning that she had been drinking, she thought I was cheating on her, and we don't spend enough time together. Also, I don't listen to her. I've told her to move and I've left the house on different occasions this week, but she is very apologetic and cries a lot. My emotions are becoming a little bit more stable as time slowly inches forward, and I can understand why she was unhappy (I still don't think that she should have cheated on me though, especially if I hadn't done it like she believed). Anyway, I am unsure if I should get a divorce or not. My wife says that she ended all contact and doesn't want this other man at all. I want to forgive her, but all my trust for her is ruined. I am 28 years old, and I am leery of moving forward because I don't want to repeat the same song in a few years when I'm older. She wants to get counseling, go to church, have another baby, etc. BTW, she won't quit having sex with me. I am happy with how she has been acting lately, but always snap back to reality when I figure that this affair would have still gone on if others wouldn't have told me about it. Any thoughts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): my wife said her affair was over 12 mths ago. i found out today that during with time i suffered from depression after I discovered this she started having regular sex with him despite telling me she still wanted me and claiming to be doing all she could to save our relationshio. She went on a holiday to "gather her thoughts " i just found out she went away with him. Be careful! The worst thing is I still love her and still want her. Life sucks!
A
male
reader, goodguy11 +, writes (16 February 2010):
It's within your right to get a divorce if you want. She broke the ultimate rule of marriage and that's trust. I can understand how you feel. But you also have to think about the best interest of your children. If you decide to give it another go then the both of you have to open up about your feelings and see where the marriage had its flaws and work it out amongst yourselves or through counseling. But don't hold on to her just for the children. If you feel like you will never get over this and be unhappy then you should call it quits. Just remember the ball is in your court.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 Save the marriage, don't give her too hard a time. Bank the "Get Out of Jail Free" card.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 February 2010):
Well the affair would have continued if you hadn't found out. That said, a lot of things have come out that no one likes and let's not forget your two little girls. Now you say you want to forgive her, so I figure you still love her. And if you still love her and she's willing to do some serious working with you, then this can be worked out. Though you're not to blame for her affair, there are clearly some issues that need to be solved, such as her drinking, this idea that as a couple you're not spending enough time together and such. And in all fairness to you, you have seen that there are problems too, which is a good sign. I think you can afford to try and save this marriage. It's still a young marriage and needs some tuning, and you have two young girls who will need a stable household. It's worth trying to save. However, if she lies or ever cheats again, get rid of her. And make that very clear. I think it can be saved and I think it's worth saving. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (16 February 2010):
Your last sentence was the most powerful,..."Your words"...
I figure that this affair would have still gone on if others wouldn't have told me about it. Any thoughts?
Kick the bitch to the curb
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