A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:wife has a crush?My wife of 2 years has recently been speaking to a guy daily since they met online about a week ago. They meet online every night speaking by mic, he compliments her very often and flirts as does she, they spend hours talking to each other literally speaking until around 4-5am as they're falling asleep, even staying on mic while they have nothing to say then sleep time. I ask my wife if she has a crush on him or if she has any feelings for him and she claims her innocence. I think she does and she believes she doesn't. What's your opinion? I ask this as it reminds me of myself and my wife before we started living together, on the phone every night for hours speaking about each other and what we have done until we couldnt stay awake any longer.Am I being silly or do I have a valid point?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Have you told her it reminds you of when you and her were dating? Have you told her it bothers you…
If you tell her it bothers you and you ask her to stop it and she does not, then you can tell her she needs to make a choice… and then go from there….
I developed a relationship with my current fiancé while married to my now ex husband.. he said he was unhappy but he did not make me stop and I did not… but he was looking for an excuse to end the marriage… IF YOU WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO LAST and it is bothering you, then you need to speak up and give her the options available to you.
I would have stopped my contact with the other person early on in the relationship as it didn’t matter to me had he asked me to stop in January… BUT by the time he asked me to stop (in MARCH just two months later) I couldn’t by then I had fallen in love with another man.
If you are concerned you must take action now.
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 She definitely has a crush, but whether it's more than that or not is really something only she and he know at this point.
I see a lot of people here saying talking to someone of the opposite gender isn't right when you're married, but I don't agree. I've had many male friends in the past that were strictly that. Boyfriends have had female friends, too. I do believe men and women can be friends, but I may be in the minority. Anyway...
Like BimBim said, an ultimatum seems to be in order here. Don't let yourself be made a fool of, because believing her when she tells you there are no feelings there would be doing exactly that. It's simple, either she gets rid of online boy, or you leave her with nothing but him for company. Who knows, maybe you'd both be happier then.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (16 July 2012):
I see you was giving advise, yet your concern is strange to me. Your wife is having an emotional affair with another man and it seem as you taking it as nothing. This is your sister but your partner in life. Her bags would have been pack that night.
Emotional affairs or worst then him sexing her. This would last a lifetime of suffering on both parties here. Most of the time when a woman do this her partner means nothing to her. She's divorce from you in her mind or you have serious problems in your relationship.
I would seriously think about my next step, she has made her's...
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 I don't usually advocate ulimatums but I think in this case you need to quite firmly put your case to her.
Tell her the online relationship is interferring with your marriage, remind her that her behaviour now is the same as when she was with you and you are concerned her feelings are now aimed in a different direction. Remind her a marriage involves two people, and if one of them would rather spend most of their time with somebody else the marriage has no future. Tell her its either him or you, and STICK TO IT, and dont give her time to decide him or you either. This is a cut that needs to be short, sharp and swift. If she says no, tell her to go visit her mother for a week while YOU decide what to do next!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (16 July 2012):
 Any time one spouse is talking to someone on the side, it is usually trouble. Especially talking at such unusual hours. If she loves you, she should not be talking to other men at all. I would tell her that her talking to this man really bothers you and that it is disrespectful towards you. You might have to give her an ultimatum eventually. Such as..."Stop talking with this other men or we will have to separate for awhile." Whatever you are currently comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 July 2012):
 I think I would ask her if it's not romance, what DOES she get out of it? i would mention that her actions hurt your feelings because that used to be, and in my opinion, should still be you. If I were married I would not stay up that late talking to another man because it signals to others that I am available, which is disrespectful to my person. If she doesn't see the harm in it, show/tell her the harm.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (16 July 2012):
 You have a very valid concern. I'm sorry, but no married person, or someone in a relationship, decides to go online and strikes up conversation with the opposite gender. You'd have to ask yourself: why did she decide to go online and why is she talking to a strage man? No one does this type of thing just to pass some time. You can browse the internet for hours, go shopping, doing chores, talking to real people and spending time with actual friends.....but going online to chat with some stranger for kicks and giggles? No way.And not only that, but to talk to this person every day until the break of dawn? No woman or man will talk to the opposite gender every day, for hours, or well into the morning if they didn't fancy them. This is a no brainer and if you think that this is innocent, I suggest you wake up and smell the coffee. Your wife is carrying on an emotional affair. If you're okay with this, continue behaving as you are. I suggest you put an end to this and do it as soon as possible. If she won't stop, kick her to the curb.
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