A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i met my turkish fella back in january this year. in july i found out that he didnt have a visa to be here and now he has been sent back to turkey. i love him so much and miss him. the only problem is that i have been told the only way he can come back to england is if i marry him. why should the goverment make me marry him before i have the chance to really get to know him and for us to make up our own minds if we finally want to marry. i have heard so many horrible stories about turkish man and before we get married i want to be sure it will be for life. can you please help me find another solution to this problem. if i find out there is not one i will marry him anyway and take a chance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): the best way if you really want this to work is to think of moving out there with him . I did and i have lived in Bodrum now for 5 years and i married my husband and he still doesnt want to come to uk because we are so happy there . But our friends was in your situation he got sent back but to Turkey if it happens that way he will have a 6 year ban to come back to uk the only way is to marry him but that could take 2 years to bring him here because he already came without a visa .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Turkey is not that far, and they have cheap flights nowadays, so you can visit him often and get to know him. Other than that, I'm not sure. But here is the British website for people that want to immigrate and live here... http://www.ind.homeoffice.gov.uk/
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Nobody can tell whether a marriage will last a lifetime. I think it's safe to assume that most people marry thinking it will be forever, and we know divorces are widespread. And then some people remain married, but unhappily. So, I'm sure you see no one can tell you the future.
You obviously love this man, but, quite as obviously, are unsure whether he wants you just so he can stay in England or not. You don't mention what kind of a relationship you had with him. I suppose these months together should have been enough for you to know who you were involved with. I know sometimes you really don't know, as there are very good fakers out there. But I would expect you to at least have a hunch about this.
I don't know if there's any way other than your marrying her for him to be back in England permanently. Maybe he could try to sneak back in, but I understand this is very difficult in Europe.
Also, please notice that, if he were a permanent resident in England, there would be no guarantee of your marriage lasting for life. There never is.
If you feel so unsure about marrying him, I think you shouldn't marry. You mention you didn't really get to know him. I guess that, in that case, you should either try to make it long distance, at least while you get to know him, or you should accept it's over.
Also, I think you should give him the benefit of doubt. He might indeed like you, whatever people say about Turkish men, or whatever other Turkish men have done in the past.
I feel sorry for you. I hope you can find a solution to this problem.
All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 i'm half turkish! and some turkish men are pretty conservative but for the most part i've never met someone who wasn't very nice. the culture is very warm and welcoming, and i'm not saying that just because i grew up with it as part of my life! you do need to be slightly wary about the religious fanatics, but i've never met one since my family is pretty liberal, so pish posh! we can deal with them when we meet them.
why not go visit him? istanbul is quickly becoming one of the "european" hotspots. there was an entire national geographic feature on it! if big cities aren't your thing, how about a nice beach vacation to cesme? i went there summer of 2006 for a family reunion, and it was amazing. or bodrum! the nightlife there is amazing and it is a vacation spot of celebrities. i've been there, too, and the bars and clubs are too fun. i met more europeans than turks thinking back.
if a vacation isn't going to work out, just try to keep in contact and probe into his background and views and lifestyle that way. talk on the phone, through email... don't be afraid to ask deep, personal questions!
i hope i helped a little, good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I know it seems unfair but i guess Britain is over croward by different nationalities already!
Yeah by experience i know that Turkish men just lure on English girls because they want to come to England for a better life and think English girls are easy
If you truely love him and believe you have a future togetehr then spend some time with him in his own country before you do anything rational and if he puts pressure on you to marry him then you know the reason why
=]
...............................
|
