A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've remained anonymous because it is for the sake of my family, not me. I think I have a very unbalanced view on men.I have not had the happiest of childhoods. My dad (I don't usually call him that) was a woman beater. Plates, fists, anything. He always blamed it on his depression problems - he takes medicine to keep him "well". He never had a proper job, said that he wasn't well enough to work - though he could throw plates and scream...Any way, he was never MEAN to me exactly, but he tried very hard to keep me a child. I'm much better know, but by the age of 10 I was still not allowed to wear a bra or skirts that came to my knees, not even tops that had straps instead of sleeves...summers were always very hot for me. My mum was tied to her marriage for 10 or more years even when regretting it after 2.I've never liked my father - I know that people say that you can't help loving your parents - well I laugh at that. If I hold any love for my father, it's in the way he never helped me do home work. My mum is obviously now divorced and remarried to my awesome step dad. He works for BT, we no longer have money issues. My old house was a mess, the walls were falling down, our garden was nettles. My school was "sick note story" every day. My brother, was a little confused as well, not having a great education with sex ed. we would be naked in the same room together - me and him not really bothered, not even paying attention to each other. My nan smoked...smoked lots...and I was always breathing it in. Now I have athsma and feel dizzy if I exert my self too much.Anyway, my view on men. My dad is a big time fraudster, gets money by illegal means I do not need to specify - I would not be suprised if he had a stash of thousands in his attic in Italy (thats where he lives, in a villa next to the sea in Palermo). I think all men are bastards, apart from the ones I like, which right now is only three. Step dad being one, and two people I fancy without intension, (both teachers, unfortunately). I'm officially screwed up! I scream in the field next to my house if something wrong happened with my teachers at school. I make songs up about how every guy leaves me and hates me. Though a strange thing is, is that my great cousin, (Italian/sicilian) is quite wealthy, writes books on the Sicilian Mafia, and my father stays over his house - no idea what they are thinking!I really don't have much of and idea of what I'm writing about, but I really need to tell people about my experiences, I feel trapped and hurt so much of the time. I'm scared of writing too much because you might not read it all, but I need someone to. I'll sum it up right now - quickly...My fathers side of the family are very bad. Bad as in corrupt, ill (mentally), and morally confused. I am at risk of developing serious schizophrenia. I already have tachycardia, and athsma, I may be pretty as my friends and family say I am (brown curly hair, dark eyes and - well, I guess a slender figure) but I am seriously recommended to never even try any form of drug as is could trigger mental help problems. I am told I cannot smoke and should also not drink if I can help it. I feel like irons have been placed on my neck. I cannot exert my self too much...BUT, I have one advantage that keeps me happy and healthy - I have to eat good food. Delicious food, that is. Exotic food especially like octopus and caviar and even horse!(though I chose not to eat it on moral reasons...lol)Veggies are my life - everything has them in it.I...don't know what to do...I've learnt a little about how a relationship works, but I am too romantic to care. I read all Jane Austen and other similar works. I am in love with this teacher now. It has been three very heart wrenching years. He is so similar to me. We like the same things (weird things by the way :) )He looks at me in the corridor and whenever I look at him back he starts to hum a song really loudly and whistles and jumps down the steps! He's complemented my art work as well - completely out of the blue, he went out of his way to come over and say it. "your drawing is very good, It's just amazing - and very accurate" he said! And when he calls his class in he always "long glances at me" before going through the double doors. One day I happened to find a small old bottle of bubble blower, and I brought it to school and blew a few bubbles - and right there watching me was Mr * (the teacher). He said " I am absolutely stunned, amazed and stunned that you grown up girls occasionally find the most simple pleasures in life I had when I was your age", I was ery embarrassed at first but it wore away as he talked.Wow, this is so long it probably wont be posted...I hope it is though. I need it to be. Please offer any advice you can on my life situation, I would deeply appreciate it - immensely.
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male
reader, venisonstew  +, writes (12 July 2009):
I do have to say 90 percent of people whether man or woman are dirtbags. There are also very very nice people out there. growing up is very difficult this day and age. I've had some very difficult problems growing up. my father was a pedophile and he abused my sister 4-5 times a day for a few years, even if we were in the other room. we never knew. I have reason to suspect it might have happened to me at one point when i was a baby, but i have no recollection and i would have been way too young to remember.
I would be scared if i was ever going to be a father not so much because of what he did, but i wouldn't have the slightest clue how to raise a child being i didn't have example.
my mom wasn't there to help emotionally because she was traumatized as well. i don't focus on that i learn to forgive but that doesn't mean i want anything to do with him id still freak out if i saw him face to face. for the most part i get along with my mom and i love her she's just hard to talk to on an emotional level
I say women can be just as evil, but ive seen a lot more scumbags being men. i cant say all men are scumbags. If all men were scumbags i wouldn't be sleeping with them.LOL
I have overcome a lot of issues. i still have a lot to overcome. just remember you can overcome anything with baby steps. it might not happen overnight but you can overcome things when you are ready to deal with them. some counsiling would be very helpful if you have the right counselor. a good counselor won't just say something. they'll give you guidance at times but for the most part you'll talk out your problems and sort it out that way. also a good counselor should be easy to talk to and not judgemental about things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, I've literally sat here crying next to my computer for half an hour! You know, I was really not expecting guys to answer - I've haven't had a guy in my life at all really, and having them answer and help me through things that I had no idea how to handle touched me deeply. I guess not all guys are bad - though they sure can act it...lol
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A
male
reader, AndreC.  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Hi there,
I can tell you that not all men are pigs some have good hearts though there seems to be very few. I understand that you can never forgive your father for what get had done to you I have had a similar situation to yours work my fatter age his drinking problems. Anyways just remember that for every night there's a new day. I'm sure your a wonderful person try not to be so closed off from everyone you need friends in your life and if you ever need anyone to talk to umyou can always message me on here. I know that I am a man but I can assure you that ok not like most men also talking with someone about your problems in life will help relive the stress and pain that you feel inside.
Take care of yourself and remember that I am here if you need a friend to talk to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): I can somewhat relate to your family problems.
My parents would take me to people's houses where they would buy their meth and I would play with the meth lab chemicals and such while they got their fix...I was only 4.
Anyway I'm 17 now and I have forgiven my parents for their stupid mistakes...I'm not saying you should, I just want to let that be known. The effects of their mistakes are becoming more and more apparent though as time drags on. I have severe paranoia problems and anxiety problems that can render me on the ground in a fit of panic.
But I should tell you that you should not shelter yourself away from every guy you meet. Good things can come from people relationships. Just be wary of who you choose to hang out with. Always make good decisions. Just look on the positive side of things.
Hope this helped.
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