A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice. I have been dating a wonderful woman for the last 6 months and things were progressing wonderfully between us until recently. She is a divorced single mom with young children and has recently lost her job and could potentially lose her home if her situation doesn't improve. She is terrified beyond belief because she has nearly exhausted her savings. She has completely withdrawn from the relationship and says she just doesn't have the time and emotional energy to be in a relationship now. She says she is very sorry but needs to focus on the needs of her family and that I should choose in my mind to move on. All of this over e-mail. I want to help her get through this and be supportive in any way possible and I respect what she is saying. I don't want to move on because I'm in love with this woman. I'm not sure if asked me to choose to test my commitment or I'm blinded at the moment. I don't know how I can help without crowding her. I'm lucky to be in a much better financial position and want to give her a large financial gift (never to be repaid)so she can take care of her family and herself until she can get a new job. Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated!
View related questions:
divorce, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Obviously you do care very much for your girlfriend - and it sounds as though she cares greatly for you, too - but she is, as is clear, in a terrifying situation. She may well feel that her options are extremely limited. And, sorry to say, given the way the economy is right now, she does have good reason to be very worried.
She has to put her children's needs first and foremost and concentrate her energies on keeping a roof over their heads by generating some income however she can.
Have you told her you want to give her a financial gift? If so, how did she respond? If you have not made the offer yet, please consider that she may very well feel under an obligation - while at the same time appreciating your help. That can put a burden on anybody (no matter how well-intentioned you are).
Think about this: what would you do if she were to accept your offer but remain distant in order to focus on taking care of her family? Would you seriously be able to stand back and be willing not to be in contact, if that is what she wants?
Even if you WOULD be able to leave her be, and hope she'll resume the relationship later on, it would take an enormous amount of effort on your part to convince her that this really is an offer of help with no strings attached!
Hope this is of some use to you. Good that you do not want to crowd her. Good luck!
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (12 July 2009):
My honest advise. If you are in a position to help her finacially I would step up go see her tell her you love her and that you have no intentions on abandoning her. Man to man I can tell you to be the man here. I dont know you so I can determine if you are or not. Don't lose the woman you love because she does not feel she can juggle her own life right now. Love is full of ups and downs and my friend this is a down for her. She may be pushing you away but when a woman is pushing you away that is usually when she needs you the most. Cease the email communication you need to be seeing her in person. If you think that she really does love you as well than you just simply need to step up and take control of the situation.
...............................
|
