A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,can someone please give me advice on the following:My 12 year daughter had left a note in her bedroom, which I found when I was cleaning her room, it said, Dear Mom, I think i'm pregrant with B...'s baby love S...This I asked her to explain has the name on the letter was off her older brother whom is nearly 15 years old. She admitted he had been going in her room and feeling her breasts and rubbing himself on her legs with his privates, whilst they both were dressed. I was really shocked and upset, and asked her if she had seen him naked or touched him on his privates she replied no. I asked her if had touched her privates or saw her naked she again replied no. She said they agreeed that it wouldn't happen anymore and hadn't for over a month. But at first her brother would threaten her to hurt her or break her things if she told anyone. I explained that he was really bad for what he had done and that he wouldn't do it ever again, has he would have strict supervision, and that she was not blame for any off this. I then spoke to my son, whom confirmed what he had done, but he also said, that he lay on top of her whilst she was naked and he had boxer shorts on only,he said he was aroused, but nothing else happened. She agreed that was all that had happened, but I asked her why she hadn't told me about her being naked, and she replied she thought i would be angry with her. I explained that their bodys was private and that no one should go in their rooms whilst they are dressing etc. I asked B if he knew what he'd done was wrong, he said yes but don't know why i did it. He said sorry to his sister and said he was glad that it had come out in the open and that hopefully they could put it behind them.My question is where do I go from here, do i report my son, and so the ahim away, or do i try and make sure something like never happens again? I keep seeing so many different questions in my head, please help and advice. Regards Tracey
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Tracey, I agree with those who say you should get help for your son to make sure he doesn't do this to his sister again. Quite frankly, sibling sexual experimentation like this happens more frequently than people think. And it's not just boys who do this. I have read posts from girls who said they sexually experimented with their brothers when they were growing up together at home, and in the cases I've read about it, the girls initiated the experiences. I think some of this is because oral sex has become the sex of choice in middle school, and girls are so eager, and in some cases, desperate to learn how to perform fellatio that they experiment with their brothers or other male relatives so that they can get the experience under their belt (no pun intended).
I would also get help for your daughter so that this experience doesn't haunt her later in life. When young girls are sexually abused or have a traumatic sexual experience early in life, it often leads to problems like prostitution, drug abuse or other dysfunctional behavior as adults. So get help for both of your kids, and I hope both of them can recover from this experience.
A
male
reader, JTalbott  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Please get help for your children from a professional therapist with experience in sexual issues.
It isn't highly unusual for young males to act out with their siblings, as adolescents they sometimes lack an ability to fully comprehend the longterm impact of their behaviors.
You seem to have responded to it with unusually good sense.
However, the feelings it created in your children can have consequences where they will continue to reenact the sexual experience throughout their lives with different partners in a very destructive manner.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): We live in a sick world. This thing about brothers and sisters is sickening and I wonder how often that goes on and is never discovered. I am the youngest (brother) and grew up with 4 older sisters. We all lived in a small overcrowded house where privacy was at a premium. During the time I grew up, I saw all of my sisters stark naked at one time or another. Yes, I will admit I was turned on by the sights. What young sexually emerging teen male wouldn't be by seeing that, sister or not. However, never once did the thought ever occur to me to climb into bed with any of them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): Are you people serious?
How can you be so blind to the REAL problem here?
Your son obviously has something going on at the moment, you're NOT going to fix this by sending him away to an all boys school or juvy or anything like that, you should get him therapy because there IS an underlying issue here, how do I know? I used to be you're son, I never did anything but I sure did think about it a LOT, I was depressed and lonely as hell and I wanted someone who understood me. You're son threatened your daughter because he knew what he was doing was wrong and he was ashamed, he's not evil or sick, he's probably just lonely or maybe confused about his sexuality or just sexually frustrated and has no outlet, you need to find out what's wrong and address the problem NOT the symptom...
And what the hell kinda comment is this? "he could have got a girlfriend if he was that horny" what if he couldn't? what if he's been rejected so many time that eventually the only girl he thought he had a chance with was his sister?
some of you people are disgraceful, open your mind and see what's right in front of you...
boarding school *scoffs* what a joke
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I think that you shouldn't have a full blown panic attack but just keep watch. If something more serious happens, don't be afraid to take action. Send him be spoken with by a therapist or something. Get to the bottom of why he is doing this with his sister and why he even sees her in this light.
Don't try to ignore what's going on because it'll come back and bite you on the ass.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 You have done what you could and you need to spend more time with your daughter .There is no need to report your son.That will be too drastic.You don't want to destroy your son's future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): Call the police and ask them what to do. Because your son obviously has mental issues and now your daughter will too. I have been sexually assaulted by past boyfriends and I'm telling you that it is not safe for him to be around her or in your house. He needs help. He is old enough and knows better.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Hi Tracey. I'm a Dad. I think you have handled this very very well. It sounds like both your children are quite sensible as well. The boy has started to go "off track" but this has been corrected, which is what the job of a parent is. The sexual feelings boys get at this age can be overwhelming, with no outlet! I don't think his actions are serious. Of concern yes, the sexual behaviour as well as the threatening behaviour. But that's all. Just something to cause a little concern. Definately does not warrant reporting. He is a minor himself, and simply "kicking at the wrong goal." You've put him straight now, and it seems he had realised this himself. This is like any other learning process, we don't always get it right at the beginning. And we are dealing with feelings here and not logic.
Regarding your specific question, where do you go from here? If it was me, whilst it seems they have been honest with you, might be wise to be certain penetration did not take place. It would also be wise to keep an eye on them in future and remind them again that brothers and sisters should not be intimate with each other. Go ahead and tell them the reasons. Your daughter is old enough to have made the connection between what happened and the possibility of pregnancy. So, it's time also for the full sex talk, if this hasn't been done already. Separately would be my choice. Love, periods, sex, semen, babies, and consequences. You might want to check what has been covered at school so far.
Your son has told you he doesn't know why he did it. This is best considered first by you and then discussed with him. He did it because the sexual awakening has occurred; it is a very powerful, innate drive; a drive that has ensured the survival of the species. However, society has made some laws which must be obeyed. Because this very powerful, innate drive can cause problems if not controlled. Specifically, minimum age and then explain the reasons; and the laws of incest and explain the reasons. As well as legal consequences, which can be very serious, there are also serious biological and emotional consequences to consider, which is why society has created these laws.
Some might say his behaviour abnormal, unbalanced, or perverted. I would not say that. Lazy, maybe - for not looking further afield than his own sister. Naughty, yes - for threatening to harm his sister. Curious, definately - but there's nothing wrong with that. Personally I don't think he needs anything more than firm advice. So don't worry. Don't do anymore telling off. Just give them both the advice and information they need. You can back it up by getting them a book for teens on the subject if you feel that will help.
Hope this has helped you.
Richard
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A
female
reader, honkifuluvnicole +, writes (21 January 2008):
 that is such a horrible place to be in with you and your daughter.
send him to an all boys boarding school.
it will be good for him to be away from his sister. im sure he still thinks about it.
please just do something with him. dont kick him out, or send him to juvy,
just look into a boarding school.
best of luck.
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A
female
reader, dont_worry +, writes (21 January 2008):
 that's a difficult situation
the best thing is to keep a really good communication with your daughter, dont lose it we need to know if your son continues... and about him you should send him to a psychologist now because he needs help goodluck
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Your so lucky your daughter told you, god knows what could have happened if she didn't tell you. Your son needs to be reported to the police OR kicked out of the house. He's old enought to realise what he was doing was wrong, he could have got an GIRLFREIND if he was that horny. This will effect your daughter for the rest of her life, she won't feel safe with your son there. He said he won't do it again, but can you really trust that? You got a future rapist on your hands, if he can do that to his own sister...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): That sounds like such a horrible situation for you to be in. Your son was wrong in what he has done and although he has realised that this was a mistake it is not enough.
Well done for bringing her up so well that she was able to come to you with her problems even after her brother had threaten to hurt her and destroy her things if she told you. You need to think hard about what to do now due to his age. Your daughter needs to understand that you are there for her, that you trust her and believe in her. She needs to feel safe. She must have been so scared. You have alraedy made a start in showing her that you trust her and believe her but dont just push it under the carpet.
I suggest that you call parentline on 0808 800 2222 for confidential detailed advice. I wish you the best of luck with the decisions that you make from here.
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