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anonymous
writes: Lemme give you some background. I am 32 and married 10 years to a 34 yr old wonderful man and we've enjoyed a great marriage and friendship. We have a open relationship. It's complicated. I can have sex with another man in our bedroom with the door open as long as he gets to sit in the living room (closest room) and vice versa. Ok, problem- my brother in law will come visit for about a month and during this time he will stay in the guestroom. I am attracted to him. He is older-37. I can't understand why I am. My husband is good-looking. His brother is so-so. We have a pool in our large backyard and the guest room window overlooks the pool. I have gone swimming with my friend and have noticed him watching me. Not my friend, me! And now he acts like he doesn't notice me but I know he does. I can't help but put on my best clothes, makeup and spend extra time fixing my hair to impress him. I have no intention of cheating on my husband, but it has crossed my mind to ask him if I could have sex with him. My husband has asked me to sleep with a best friend who I view as a sister because we grew up together. And I gave in. Do you think it's OK for me to ask if I can sleep with his brother? This question is only for the open-minded like minds, please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): I dont know how I stumbled on to this site but ...Oh my God what is the matter with you people. i hope you guys dont have kids. you are all whats wrong with this world well let me say one contributing factor to it. sleeping with brother in laws friends etc and married oh c,mon now get a fricken 'grip. your lives will a bit less complicated and beleive it or not you may even be happier. who needs the bullshit your alternative lifstyles and sexual prowess will bring to you . save yourselves now . beleive me your screwed up choices will catch up with you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): I think it's fine to ask him about his brother. If he says "NO" remind you gave him his fansty seeing you sleep with a female. Tell him he can join in or watch which ever will turn you on more.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): When my husband said it was ok to sleep with his younger brother feeling came about and it got bad in the end the mother found out and his step dad, now me and the brother don't talk because my hsband said he was going to kill him because we still kept in touch after I sleep with him and now me and my husband have spilt up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): To me, like someone said above me, I feel like this isn't the first time you have approached with a situation testing the lines that your relationship is boundried. What has been the outcome on the previous occassions? Did you fight about it? Were there long talks about understanding the situation? Only you know how those talks went, so only you can gage your husband's possible reaction.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Just if you feel it necessary and ask your husband, do it sooner than later before you and the brother get caught up on something that turns into cheating. It's easy to say you won't, but why even tempt yourself? Open relationships are based on honesty, right? Be honest to yourself and whatever answer that is is the correct one for you and your relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): yo i think you're secretly peeved that ur husband wanted to get with your friend so this is kind of your way at getting back at him. anyway seeing as your post was like more than a year ago, hope things worked out. i'm kinda curious as to what happenned but i guess that aint none of my business
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (11 June 2005):
 I'm all for whatever it is consenting adults agree to. Far be it from me to cast any judgment whatsoever on how you and your husband have agreed to arrange your marital life. With 10 years under your belts, it sounds like you've got something working right.That said, I'm looking at your question and one thing keeps sticking in my mind: if anything goes, why the hesitation? I can't speak to the reasons behind your fascination with a less attractive, older version of your husband, so all I can think is that perhaps you've finally found for yourself That Line Which Cannot Be Crossed in this supposedly most open of marriages.Clearly, your brother-in-law feels some trepidation as well if you're sensing he's noticed you (and you've made the effort to be noticed) and knows about The Arrangement and yet has made no move towards you.I question whether you're actually attracted to your brother-in-law or the idea of testing the limits of your husband's love for you. You say you won't cheat (which I think is a good thing) and yet you're afraid to broach the subject; why is that? Is there some part of you that wants your husband to say "no"? That would be crushed if he said "yes", or worse, didn't care either way?It's difficult to give you a directive, not knowing the participants. My gut tells me you should do some real thinking about why it is you crave your husband's brother; once you're clear on that, the action to take will probably jump right out at you. But I think any scenario is going to involve something really intimate: a conversation with your husband about your deepest, darkest feelings.Good luck!
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reader, Cutie_Mish +, writes (10 June 2005):
hmm that is a bit close, i mean its understandable to have sex with a best friend which is like a sister, but this really is his brother and it might be a bit too close of a relationship, so i suggest not, but ask your husband, he might not mind, but the brother might find it a bit wrong unless he knows you and your husband has open relationships and is ok with it!! so its all about taking chances and talkin to each other about it! xXx
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (10 June 2005):
 Maybe his brother would be too close to home. You say you would never cheat on your husband.. well in a way in an open relationship, that is kinda what you do.. you both agree that you can sleep with other people, so i guess it depends its up to you where you draw the line. Maybe subtly mention to him that his brother always seems attentive towards to you, and appears as though he likes you. See how your husband reacts to this, and then maybe ask if he wouldnt mind if the two of you got together. If your relationship is that open then you should at least be able to ask him, if he is uncomfortable with it then its a no go area. But you will need to chat openly and ask him, but do respect his answer if he should say no. Good luck
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