A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:split with my ex 2 years ago and we have a lil lad of 6.When we split we agreed if we got with any one else we would meet the person b4 letting lad get involved.Ive met a lovely woman and have been with her 8mths.The ex and lad know bout her.The ex also has a new bloke and been with him 2mths or so. He has met the lad before i met him, as she said he knew him b4 they got together. Ive met him, but they havnt met my partner. Ive met her kids and family and want my lad to be involved. Me and the ex have asked him and he says he doesnt want to meet her, but has no reason behind it.Its doing my head in, should i just take him to meet her?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): A child of 6 shouldn't be asked, he should be told. It's not insensitive or mean of you it's parenting. Giving a child too much control is not only going to do your head in it will be traumatic for him too in the long run.
At age six it would be appropriate to offer 2 or 3 choices to let your son be part of the decision making but you need to lay down the rules as well.
Speak to your ex and make sure she's on the same page so she can offer support.
Also consider the other aunties great suggestions on how to make it fun for your son.
A
female
reader, Siteme  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 I was divorced before and have had this problem as I have 3 sons. One thing your going to have to understand, children of a new divorced couple want attention. I think you are giving too much attention to this. I think that you should make plans with your child to do some things and tell him later that your significant other will be coming with you, don't put it as a question to him, make it as normal as possible. It's ordinary, you are giving the child way too much power. But you have to give him one on one time as well. Where there is time just for him as if you were never divorced you would have time with him by himself. I have found that the less you make of something with your children, the less they will make of it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Try suggesting it again and make it about something that he would really enjoy, and tell him that she is coming along as your friend (*nothing more* - he doesn't need to think about her as anything more than that at this stage and he doesn't have to think about her children).
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Even though he is 6, he knows this is someone he has to share with his dad. I would plan a fun day with you, your partner, and your son without telling him and that will ease him into meeting her. Maybe go to a park, zoo, sporting event, or something your son would enjoy to show him he is still the top priority in your life. These situations can be hurtful for kids, so don't put too much pressure on him. Also, make sure to tell your new partner not to force the situation. Kids need to grow to trust new people in their lives. I think if you take it slowly and show him he's still the top priority...you should do ok.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Well you shouldn't ASK him. you need to TELL him.
he's 6 and he'll be contrary if he can.
Your new partner is part of your life. Your son is part of your life. The two important parts need to meet IF the relationship is serious which yours seems to be.
Rule with kids, never ask... offer options
would you like to wear green or blue today?
so in this case you can say
Son, I know you don't want to meet Sally yet, and I understand that it's upsetting but you are very important to me and I want her to get to know you so, we are going to have an outing with Sally (and her kids if they are around his age that might be a good idea) would you like to go to the playground or go for pizza?
Acknowledge that it's scary to meet new people and it's sad to think that mom and dad are not together... but if he was 4 when you split up he has pretty much no memories of you two together... my son is 25 now and he says he has no memories of us together... my 28 yr old (they were 5 and 3 when we split) has very few memories of us as a family with his dad but they both adapted well to new partners... I guess because we were very matter a fact about it...
best of luck.
...............................
|
