A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a truly kind, loving, fun and communicative man for the last five months. We're both in our early thirties. We have a fantastic sex life and we feel very connected to each other. Recently, we started to ask each other personal questions about our sexual past. He asked me if I'd ever been with a woman. I said that I had not. He then confessed that he had once made out (and received oral sex but not reciprocated) with a man in college and then a second man a year after college. I was VERY surprised. Not because I have any negative feelings towards same-sex relationships, but because he just seems so very into me and all things female. I asked him if he considered himself bisexual and he said no. He said if he had truly wanted to sleep with a man he would have. He doesn't believe that human sexuality is black and white, more fluid. I do not believe he's closeted gay.I'm not sure if it's perhaps because I've never had that longing, and so I just don't understand how he could be so intimate with a man yet still like women or if perhaps I'm a bit jealous for this life experience or if I'm worried that he may still have this longing, which I cannot provide? I'm feeling confused because this is something that people don't tend to discuss. It's fairly common to hear of women kissing other women, as Katy Perry's song suggests. But I just feel like if Justin Timberlake sang the same song about a guy, it would not be as well received. I do have strong feelings for this him. But a part of me feels like he's not the person I assumed he was. My question is this: What do I do - let it go and accept I'm with a more "fluid" man or should I get more answers from him to understand if there's more to it?Thank you.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 June 2012):
 I think you're reading too much into this. He was probably just curious, and/or the opportunity presented itself. I don't think it sounds like he's bi, gay, or whatever. He experimented a bit, and there's nothing wrong with that. He's also open, which is a good thing. My boyfriend told me that even though he is straight, if he was single and fell in love with a man someday, he wouldn't have an issue with it. Sexuality isn't black and white, sometimes people become attracted to other people who don't fit their normal criteria. And that's OK.
"It's fairly common to hear of women kissing other women, as Katy Perry's song suggests. But I just feel like if Justin Timberlake sang the same song about a guy, it would not be as well received."
It's because Katy Perry is only capable of thinking about herself as she thinks men want to see her. She wasn't talking about anything lesbian, she was talking about girl on girl. i.e. pornified. Putting on a show. Actual lesbians are not well received either.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012):
I think its fantastic that he felt he could be completely honest about this with you.
Alot of what people did or experiemented with in college gets hidden with the rest of the skeletons in a persons closet but he seems open and felt fine telling you the details.
I would personally myself, worry that he was Bisexual. This is a normal reaction to something like this. It does not mean he is Bisexual now. Maybe he was just experimenting.
I would ask more questions because it seems it is still on your mind and only he can give you the peace of mind about his past that you need. You may find it was all harmless fun and it was such a long time ago that I do not think you need to worry.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 I don't think you should judge him over this. At the end of the day he was at college, he was young and experimented a little bit. To be honest with you lots of college students tend to do this but some just never mention it again. I guess he feels really comfortable around you and has decided to be open and honest with you. Just because he experimented when he is younger does not make him a closet gay nor does it make him bisexual. So I really wouldn't worry about it. We all do things in the past, it is all part of growing up. I think you should just let this go.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (9 June 2012):
Unfortunately you have opened a can of worms with the past sexual history question.
It is clearly bugging you - so now I think you need to ask him if he ever imagines himself with a man again, etc. I mean he was open enough to admit it in the first place - so it sounds like he would be willing to talk about it again.
And sadly I think there is a double standard. It is much more socially acceptable for two women who are straight to make out then two men. For this reason I applaud him for being honest.
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