A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My friend was lived with my sister for three years. My parents never liked him and gave my sister a lot of problems over him. My poor sister died of a heart attack. It was tragic. She died in her sleep right next to him. He was asleep and woke up next to her. He was suspected of murdering her. He was questioned but not charged. The coroner said she died of a heart attack. I never believed for one minute that he was capable of killing her. I've been a bachelor for a long time. I have finally found a woman that I am very much in love with. She is my friend's cousin and she was very close to my sister. The problem is that my parents told me that they will not come to my wedding if my friend is going to be there. I haven't broke the news yet but he is my best man. They never liked him only because no man was ever good enough for my sister. I have another sister and they don't like her husband either. My fiance is a beautiful woman and a beautiful caring person with a big heart. I have decided not to invite my parents. She has sent them an invitation anyway. To my surprise they accepted the invitation. I know my Dad. He's crazy and so is my mom. I know that their prescence is not going to be a good thing. She just doesn't understand because they have acted some what normal in front of her. It seems like this is going to be a big fight for us because she just won't listen to me. How can I get her to understand and how do I keep my crazy parents away? My parents have had the uncanny ability to get me very upset even at my age. My dad actually told me that sister is looking down on me at that she hates me for even being friends with her killer. I loved her very much. I know that she's looking down and smiling at me and happy for me. I'm so upset with my parents that I don't have the words. And I might as well ask this. I am going crazy if I feel like she's sitting next to me in the car? I was in the car the other days and great escape came on the radio which was a song she really liked and I swear she was sitting next to me. One last question. I didn't cry when she died. I just felt really numb. Is this unusual? Just thinking of her right now makes me feel like crying but the tears just won't come.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I don't understand your fiance's attitude here. Hasn't she realised that these are YOUR parents it would be different if it was her parents you were trying to exclude. Maybe you could show her these answers? Stick to your guns if you don't want them there don't let them come. After all this is YOUR wedding too it's not all her show!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2010):
Well it had to happen. You can't have your fiance making decision for you like that. You need to know you can trust this woman with your life. Tell her that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): thank you all. I saw my sister last night in a dream. She said it was alright that I didn't cry and that she understands. She wished me all the best at my wedding and then she said she had to go. It finally happened today. I just started crying and I couldn't stop. It's been almost two years. I guess I've been in shock but I have finally accepted that she's gone. I'm overcome with emotion. I've got good friends that are coming to the wedding and my other sister is flying in from out of state with her family.
As for my parents I told my fiance that she shouldn't have invited them behind my back and we had a big rowe.
She is pretty angry with me but I think she will understand.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Hello. Im very sorry to hear about your sister. It must have been an awful shock for you all. Its normal not to cry after such an event. Sometimes tears come later. Sometimes they never come at all. If you feel you arent adjusting well then do try counselling. It can help. I lost my younger brother suddenly a few years ago. It was a huge shock. I was so busy helping others and being "strong" that it was sometime before i realised i hadnt cried. When i felt tears coming id busied myself and put them off til later. But later never came! After a year of helping others recover i knew i wasnt doing well. So i took myself off to counselling and it did the trick. I spent 6 sessions crying buckets from the moment i walked into the consulting room til the moment i left. We hardly spoke and the poor woman must have thought i was potty but it worked. Everytime i left a session my heart felt a little lighter and the sun shone a little brighter. I would strongly recommend you try some counselling if you dont feel you are adjusting very well. "Seeing" your sister is normal. It can happen sometimes. You say your parents didnt think your friend was good enough for their daughter and its the same with your other sister. So your parents do love, just not very wisely. It is truly the worst thing in the world to lose a child. I would advise you not to take to heart anything they say. I know you may not like them very much at the moment. But as a parent myself they have my deepest sympathy. Its not uncommon for some to lash out when they are suffering and say hurtful things. I hope you can forgive them. Its brilliant that you are getting married. However, your partner was very wrong to go against your wishes and invite your parents. It shows that on some level she isnt tuned in to your needs. What might seen quite an innocent blunder now, could become a real problem. You need to address that now! If i were you, i'd call your parents and explain your friend is going to be there. And for that reason its best if they dont go. Its sad but theres no point them being there if its going to cause trouble and ruin the day. All the best.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Was it long ago that your sister died? It could be that the numbness you feel come from shock. Not accepting what happened. People mourn in different ways, and often mourning takes a long time. Some people find it easy to get in touch with their emotions and react right away, while others need time to think, feel, deal with things on their own, and maybe finally cry. At some point or the other I believe you will let it out. How you have reacted so far I think is normal for many.
As for your parents, could it be that if they've been on their best behavior around your fiancee, they will be on their best behavior in the wedding as well? Or it could be a good idea to do as CaringGuy said and go around the fiancee and tell your parents they are not invited. This could cause drama with you and your fiancee, but they are YOUR parents, not hers. You decide if you want them there or not.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Is it possible to ask your friend not to come? Friends are generally more understanding than relatives - or is that not an option. If it isn't, you'd better tell your parents not to come before the wedding date comes around.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 June 2010):
This is a frequent thing. You're the fourth man I know of who didn't invite his parents for a good reason, and then his fiancé decided she'd do it anyway. So you're not the first guy to get stuck in this. Unfortunately, it always ended in an argument. Given that your parents have, in my opinion, behaved like to complete bastards (excuse the language), I would go above your fiancé and tell your parents not to come. Then explain to your fiance, using these words, that you don't want them there.
"I do not want them there, because of they way they have treated me. Never again go behind my back with my parents. I do not want them there, and if they turn up, I will stop the wedding and have them removed."
And mean it. Very much. Your fiance did her your best interests at heart, but like so many people doesn't understand the situation. If I ever get married, I actually don't want my father at my wedding, and I will use pretty much those words to explain how I feel. I'll also have a few friends ready to remove him. And that's what you need to do. There will be an argument, but it needs to be clear that you will not tolerate being treated like crap by your parents and then having your future wife stab you in the back when she knows you don't want them there. Tell her straight that if they turn up, you'll stop the wedding and have them removed before you say another word. No doubt there will be an argument. But no way would I have your parents there. No way.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (9 June 2010):
Oh my goodness I feel so bad for you! I would say that you have not been able to cry about your sister because of all the uncertainty your parents are causing over her death. Your sister is definately smiling down at you and don't ever let your parents convince you otherwise. My suggestion for your wedding is for you not even to converse with them on the day. Don't give them a chance to upset you. Your fiance will soon see what you mean about them as they wont hide their true colours from her forever. Tell her you are happy for her that your parents are coming but that she should not expect you to have anything to do with them on the day. Enlist the help of your friends to ensure you are never left alone and give them a chance to hassle you alone.
Good luck my friend congratulations on your wedding and I'm so sorry about your sister. May she rest in peace. God bless you all.
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