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female
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anonymous
writes: I am after some advice about my sister’s behaviour (she is 28) which I find unacceptable. A male friend (from childhood) and I have recently got back in contact after around 12 years. I am early 30’s and he is early 20’s. We are good friends, nothing more as yet, and yet my sister seems to be constantly teasing me that something sexual is going on - not that it matters if it is to my way of thinking because we are both mature adults. However, I feel her teasing has gone too far - she seems to be obsessed by what this guy and i are up to when we are out. This evening she said to me ‘perhaps he will come over to our house this evening’ in a teasing manner. She is always playing games with my feelings. I asked her if she was interested in finding herself a man and she said ‘young men are only after one thing’ (which I felt was more of a dig at my situation than answering my question). My sister has never been out with a guy at all and is a virgin. I asked her if a guy she particularly liked asked her out would she go out with him and would she have sex with him if the opportunity arose. She said that she wouldn’t have sex until she got married, which I respect, but she then said ‘young men always pick the easy targets’ (this deeply offended me as she aimed this comment at me). Anything I asked her got twisted back to me and this guy and what we are supposedly up to. I hate the way she is making such a fuss and suggesting something sordid is going on. I constantly feel that I am having to justify my behaviour to her. She makes me feel like a slut; that I am easy. For goodness sake, I am 30 years old and I have only slept with one guy in my life and ‘fooled around’ with another three so I hardly think that makes me easy. I guess to someone who has never slept with someone I could be perceived this way. My sister thinks sex is something sordid and dirty, but I believe that making love is something beautiful to be shared between 2 people who are in love with each other. Can someone explain why she is behaving this way because I am beginning to hate her for it? Is she jealous, trying to control me, what? I have tried to tell her to mind her own business but she relentlessly keeps going on about it to the point that I find I am trying to justify to her anything I do, even though nothing sexual is happening between this guy and me. The relationship with this guy is totally non-physical. She is trying her best to taint a lovely friendship that i have with this guy. I have always felt my sister tries to destroy anything good that happens in my life. I actually don’t want my sister to know what is going on between us but she catches me off-guard with her comments sometimes. How do I cope with this problem with my sister?
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reader, Scouzer  +, writes (30 January 2006):
She may be acting this way because she jelous or hurt. Either way you need to sit down and talk to her. Tell her that her behavour is hurting you and ask her what her problem is. If you and this man are just friends then she should be happy that your'e not shagging him instead of teasing you. Whatever you do don't let you sister ruin your relationship with this man. Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (29 January 2006):
Oh dear, sibling rivalry is an ugly thing. Your poor sister is obviously very jealous of your new relationship. Whatever the nature of your relationship with your guy, it is no business of your sister. There is nothing sordid in having sex with someone you love or even having sex if you feel like it. Nor is there any moral highground if you are a virgin.
Unfortunately it appears that your sister not only feels jealous, she feels possessive of you and perhaps thinks that she will lose a part of you. Do you live together or do you just see each other occasionally? This is quite important to consider.
I would say that you need to reassure her how much you love her (do you?). Tell her the relationship with your guy is private and you will not discuss it with her any more.
I also have a strong feeling that you too are very mixed up about this relationship. Are you happy that it is non-sexual? Are your sister's remarks causing misgivings about your new guy? Have you told him about your sister's remarks and what does he think. Lots of questions I am afraid, but this is more involved than it appears.
Good luck.
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