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female
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*oricua
writes: I have just left for my married lover after 3 years. I really need the best advice on how to keep me from ever calling him again and staying free from him. This is not my first, second or third attempt to leave him, but it is obviously somethng that I know I have to do. Give me the best you got guys-This was a lonely journey and never want to do this again! Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): To help you recover from this experience remember that out there somewhere is another woman in as much pain. You will feel better in time, but his wife will carry the pain forever even if the affair is a secret. She has lost an honest marriage. you are free from a man who lies to women and who is a cheat,she has to live with him. you will feel lonely for a long while but you will know that your decision is the beginning of recovery. This married man will have to grow up and face his responsibilities to his wife and family and to you, someone he claimed to love. He will get over you, you will find a better love in time and you will realise that you are worth more than crumbs, you are worth being someones first love. not just second best.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (30 January 2006):
 Sweethear don't be ashamed of anyhting you do, you have not committed any crime, you are making inroads into making your life better and happier....although you will not feel like that right now!
I offered advice to you because I have been there and understand how you might be feeling. Being in this situation is terribly lonely and if you ahve no-one to talk to it can make it worse. Anuway sometimes just *connecting* with a stranger can make you feel better.
I do hope things turn out well for you. Take care.xx
PS, yes, I agree this is nuts offering/accepting advice from strangers over the web, but if it works don't knock it!
:-)
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A
female
reader, boricua +, writes (30 January 2006):
boricua is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI smile with tears in my eyes-this is something one can not talk about. I am somewhat ashamed, but stop myself from feeling so, as to not belittle myself. Many people do a good job at this as it is. Thanks for taking the time for writing your encouraging words to a stranger. I am so confident this will be it-I have joined a gym already :) and started to rearranged my home. I think I this point it is just time that needs to go by. Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! This is nuts!!
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (30 January 2006):
You are brave and I commend you for your insight into your own needs. I do not judge you for having a married lover, these things happen.
Build a life free form him. Start to socialise with friends you maybe stopped seeing as much when you were with him, especially those who know nothing about this relationship, so you cannot obsessively talk about it!! Out of sight out of mind as they say.
Start a new hobby or pastime, something that you know would not be of any interest to him, so there is no point you will bump into him doing the same thing.
start dating again, go on websites or get your mates to fix you up.
And above all believe in your ability to leave the past behind and move on with your life.
I wish you all the luck in the world.x
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