A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A year ago my bf lied about being home one evening. Something told me he was lying I went to his apartment stood in the middle of it and called him. I asked what we was doing he said cleaning his apartment. Needless to say I got back with him. I never got over it. When my intuition told me to check his phone and email I did. I found a text in his phone to another girl asking if he could see me before I got there. He explained that one away. Then a few weeks ago he left his email up on my computer. I opened it and there was a picture of my sister naked that she had sent to his phone and forwarded to his computer. I was devestated. I talked to both of them everyday. I broke up with now I feel so heartbroken. He keeps making me feel that it is all my fault that I have trust issues and that he did nothing wrong. How do I get over this breakup? I am lost and hurting and part of me wants him back but I know this cannot be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like such a wimp. I am usually a strong person. It has been 2 months and I am still not over my breakup. I didnt even make christmas dinner which I always do. I lay in bed alot. How do you make your heart feel better?
A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I think you are looking at this the wrong way. The guy is scum, and he should not be calling you. If you take him back you will have set the bar for how he can treat you. If he knows he can get away with starting something with your sister, he knows he can get away with just about anyting. Taking him back, even continuing to talk to him will just set you up for future pain.
As for your sister, it is not your job to make things right. She betrayed you and it is up to her to show you that you are important to her. She needs to work to regain your trust. You just have to decide whether you are open to that. I realize that she is family, but there are certain lines you don't cross and she jumped over that line.
So what you need to do is concentrate on getting yourself in a better place. Forget your sister and your ex right now and concentrate on you. Let your sister show you that she is sorry, and take your time to decide what kind of relationship you want to have with her after this.
You don't owe either of them anything, but you owe it to yourself to put yourself first as they obviously haven't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): you get over all this SLOWLY. but do not allow sister and ex in your life again. no matter how tempted you are. they are both scum and should be treated as such. stay away from them. oh, and your sister should know that she is not welcome in your life again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. I know breaking up was the right thing. But my heart still hurts. He still calls me and it bothers me. HOw do I learn to trust again after being betrayed by the 2 people I trusted the most. How do people do it???
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): Dear OP, With sisters like that who needs enemies?All of us are humans.We all make mistakes.There is a big But here..... Thats the first question I want to ask yourself.Why is this situation so abhorrent? The second question I want to ask yourself is,"What exactly am I looking for in a boyfriend?" Take down a paper and write down about the qualities you are looking for in a boyfriend and WHY EXACTLY YOU SHOULDN'T BE having EX as a boyfriend. He is not worthy of you at all.A guy who wouldn't even accept his mistakes is disaster in the making.Down the line he is going to end up single,depressed and dreary. How to get over this breakup?Start loving yourself.Imagine your best friend in your shoes.What would be your first advice to her?"He is a creep,a jerk of the gutter.Thank God you got rid of him and you found out about him soon enough".If that is exactly what you would say to your best friend how much should you be loving yourself.Life is never too late to live happily.There are some people who come and teach us a lesson in life.They make us smarter as to how much filth is there in the world.They make us wise.They make us strong to deal with anyone who is the same in future.Put it past as a lesson learnt.There are more things in life other than love.Make something of yourself.At the end of the day its you who should be proud of yourself.And oh yeah!keep your sister away.Forgiveness doesn't mean being foolish.
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A
male
reader, CoolAndCoolest  +, writes (26 November 2009):
interestingly my comments got attention.
i cannot argue. and there is nothing to argue and win.
but still want to say some points.
a. does breaking up solves everything?
b. if the woman who suffered is a brave character is brave and intelligent enough, will get the guy back and correct him.
c. if your partner does some thing wrong it is your duty to correct him.
d. i swear - if she is capable of correcting this guy and bring him back to her, she is the best person.
e. break up is something which this woman also will have to suffer, now she is suffering the feel of cheated.
f. i swear,swear - love will repair every harm.
g. at least breaking up shoulb be considered as the last option.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): I think it's safe to say we can draw some conclusions from what you've told us.
1. He is dishonest. He said he was cleaning his apartment when you knew he wasn't even in it.
2. He is unintelligent. He looked at naked photos of another girl on your computer and then left it there for you to see (have to disagree with CoolandCoolest, he did that because he was too dumb to cover his tracks, not because he trusts you).
3. He is a creep. The naked girl he was looking at is YOUR SISTER.
4. He is cruel. He looked at the pictures of your sister, and as others have pointed out, she probably didn't send them out of the blue, so he probably engaged in some type of flirtation with her before. Did you make your sister send them? Did you tell him to look at them? If the answer to both of these is no, then I don't see any way it could be your fault, and your boyfriend is just trying to pass his guilt off in you.
By breaking up with him, you rid yourself of a dishonest, unintelligent, and cruel creep. None of what happened is your fault and you are much better off without him. I'm sure you miss him, but reminding yourself of these facts might help with that.
Oh, and your sister is trash.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 You should feel heartbroken, but not about this loser - your relationship with your sister is terribly damaged. I would feel devastated if a relative betrayed me in this way but ultimately your sister did you a huge favour! You now know she has no integrity and will go after any man you are with - she maybe very jealous of you and this would explain why she feels it is ok to cheat with your partner(s). I wouldn't give a second thought to the loser ex. You just have to learn a life lesson from the whole experience and feel grateful that you found him out now before the relationship went further (imagine the horror of being married to such a man and then finding out). Basically the relationship was doomed from the very day you first checked up on him - you found him out as a liar but continued to stay. Big lesson to be learned there...don't forgive and forget such huge breaches of trust. Your ex wants to put the blame on you because he is a child who does not wish to take responsibility for his actions. You did nothing wrong here and in time you will feel better about this. Not everyone is so awful and you should take your time to recover before dating again. In the meantime you have to work on your self esteem so that you never put yourself in this sort of situation again - have the confidence to leave a bad relationship at the first sign of trouble and don't stay until it gets really awful. Good luck and look after yourself!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): sorry but cool and coolest missed the cruise on this trip. this guy is needing to be pushed out the door so fast that the door slaps his rear on the way out. period. he has been cheating for at least a year and has yet to feel remorse or guilt. you are my age and you are too young to be living with this kind of behaviour....we should know better by now and i think you do...so just pull yourself together and give him the boot right in the ole tush!!!!mal
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female
reader, sensible one +, writes (25 November 2009):
sorry to say but u are an idiot if you go back to that guy.Your sister is also wrong in doing what she did.You can forgive them but do not and i repeat do not go back to that guy.He's just playing you and it doesn't take a glass frame to see that.If you go back to him you are setting up yourself for the same thing again.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (25 November 2009):
 He has lied to you on more than one occasion, but YOU'RE the one with trust issues? Please don't let him manipulate you and make you believe that you are somehow responsible for his bad behavior. It hurts now, but better a few months of hurt than a lifetime of hurt. The pain doesn't last forever.Your sister was waaay out of line, by the way. I hope you don't let her slide on this.
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused +, writes (25 November 2009):
I completely disagree with CoolAndCoolest! There is absolutely no reason why you should have to put up with a man who shows you so much disrespect. Regardless of any other women, he crossed a HUGE line with the picture from you sister. I doubt very much that she would have sent him a naked picture of herself without some kind of motivation from him; some kind of behaviour that said that this was something he would like to receive. Unless there was an email from him to her saying that her attentions were unacceptable and unwarranted, then this is not cool at all and you should not be cool with it. What you need to do is to find someone that will trust you and respect you. Someone who will respect boundaries and who will love you unconditionally. Who will work with you when you are feeling down and insecure and not blame you for his bad actions. Get rid of him. I would rather be alone than be with someone who would mess with my SISTER!
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female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 He's a dickhead. Why do you want to be with someone who not only lies, but can't even do it well? Your sister is a skank too, you should get those photo's and blow them up and paste them on lamp posts up and down her street.
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A
male
reader, CoolAndCoolest +, writes (25 November 2009):
there must be something tricky here. but use your good woman in you and get your bf back. know your womanly powers, he may be laking something from your attention. or may be he is an kind if person who want to feel sex in new/different passions. any way, you have the power to guide him. be on is side.he believes in you, that is why he left his email open in your computer.do not blame anybody and get situation under control.very primarily i tell you breaking-up, i do not know whether are you planning for, is not a good solution. you have to be there with him during his times like this. take things easy.
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