A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very close to my sister. I am single. My sister has been married for 10 years. I am also close to her husband. I was visiting my sister last Sunday and she, her husband, his parents and I were playing card games on a table. I accidentally bumped my foot on him and I apologized. Some time later, he kept his foot on top of my foot. I was completely surprised but I did not take my foot for several seconds. The thing is my sister saw this. I didn't know she saw. I didn't tell my sister immediately because I didn't want to upset her. However, she confronted my brother-in-law and he said it was an accident. She confronted me and I said that I am very sorry and I am not sure why I didn't take off my foot. She is really really upset and has decided to file for divorce. She has also cut me off. I am shattered by this. My sister and her husband do have some fights but I know for a fact that they love each other. I honestly don't have any feelings for my brother-in-law. I have tried my best to explain the situation to her but she is not willing to listen. I am guessing she is thinking there is more to this. I do accept that I made a mistake in not taking my foot off (it was definitely a lapse in judgement and was a very bad thing to do) but should she be drastic in pursuing a divorce because of this. I feel extremely guilty because I have become the reason for their problems. I can't function normally and am feeling depressed most of the time because of this.I know that she has lost trust in me. Is there anyway I can convince her and gain back her trust. What should I do ?
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male
reader, HotGeek  +, writes (19 October 2010):
"She is really really upset and has decided to file for divorce. She has also cut me off. I am shattered by this."
Don't be. If your sister files a divorce for a "footsie", then either she is paranoid (sorry), or most likely there is something deeper wrong between the two of them.
"I feel extremely guilty because I have become the reason for their problems." - you must be in a lot of stress, because this makes no sense. Who get a divorce for a foot contact? Life is not Pulp Fiction. Chances are you are NOT the reason. Besides, a relationship takes two participants, and so does an act of infidelity. If, let's say, you were into something with him, then why does she blame you, and not her husband? She didn't choose to marry you. It was her choice to marry him.
"should she be drastic in pursuing a divorce because of this" - of course not! This may be some attack aimed at you. Some late revenge for something you may not even realize? Or maybe she wants to get out of the marriage and she's afraid of what your parents would say? (getting you into it makes it more credible)
I know this is hard, but I'd try to cut her as well, to show her that not only you need her, but she needs you. I've been through some major arguments with my sister, and "silent periods" may have lasted for a long time, but now we have a grown-up relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Thanks for all your response. My sister is definitely not jealous of me. She has been my big sister, taking care of everything for me. She has always been protective of me. That is why I feel this horrible. She is not even going to be telling anyone (even my parents) that she is going to divorce because of this. I just want them to be together and for her to get over this anger. As time is going by, it doesn't look like she will. I hope, she does though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): To quote Jules in Pulp Fiction: "Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit."
OK, kidding aside, I think it's ridiculous that she'd end a marriage over this. There HAS to be more issues between them, or else she's absolutely nuts. They need to get to counseling pronto or this marriage will never last. Even a divorce lawyer will probably tell her she's nuts.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 There is more here to your sisters relationship than meets the eye....
Could you imagine going before the magistrate and saying you want a divorce because your hb touched your sisters foot with his foot???
I suspect that she has been looking for a reason to file for a divorce.
Stop feeling guilty, you are not to blame for their marital problems.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2010):
Nothing. How can you possibly compete with her mentality. "Their feet touched, so it must be an affair and I'll have to file for divorce"?
I think you're taking way too much blame here. There is clearly so much more going on in their marriage than you realize. This was probably the final straw or something, but like all angry people, she has been blinded. Either that, or she is the single biggest drama queen I've heard of.
You can write her a letter explaining how you feel, but to be honest, she's insulted you by suggesting that something happened, and insulted you again cutting you out. If I were you, I'd look at how your relationship has been over the years. Are you sure it's close? Or is it you doing everything and her doing nothing?
I refuse to believe that she would cut you both out of her life for the sake of footsie. I think there is more going on in her marriage and she's not letting on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): I do not mean to disrespect. Your sister is very very childish and immature. Unless she has a very substantial, and I mean substantial reason not trust this guy, she is the one who is doing wrong and not you. This is ludicrous honestly and im the type of guy where if I see a man looking at my girl in the street I want to rip it off and kick it around on the ground. She is very insecure and very jealous and youve apologized and given concern. Id suggest counseling here if you think this is worth it cause she is obviously oblivious to a genuine apology. Ugh. Im sorry for ur situation. My best to you.
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