A
female
age
30-35,
*Jessiex
writes:I just left my boyfriend...we tried everything to make it work but it just will never work out between us. I still love him and want the best for him, even though I don't want to be with him at all. We have a two-year-old son and we're trying to make this as smooth as possible so we're still friends.He moved back in with his mom and he said he'll still pay for rent for the apartment that me and my son live in. The cost of rent is about a week and a half of his pay. So as long as he's paying our rent he wont be able to get his own place too. I work and I'm in college, I wont be graduating until 2012 so until then I wont be able to afford rent on my own. I'm glad that he's still going to help but I feel guilty and I don't feel secure. I hate having to depend on someone else for money. Since he's the one paying rent, should I let him keep the key and tell him he can come over any time I'm gone if he ever needs to get away from his mom's house? I know that sounds a little close for comfort but keep in mind that we are still friends, I trust him, we don't fight, we understand that we'll never be together and he'd be seeing his son.Or should we have a certain time he can come over (eat dinner or something) once or twice a week so that our son can spend time with both of his parents at the same time?Are these bad ideas?I just want to know what I can do to not feel guilty that he's living with his mom and paying my rent for the time being. Please help!I forgot to mention that our son spends an EQUAL amount of time between both parents!
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 As you are now no longer a couple, he needs to give you back your key. Set boundaries as far as when he can come and visit etc.
If you dont do this, you will never be able to move on with your life as he will always be 'intruding' in your personal space.
Well done on allowing your ex to spend time with your son, in so many breakups its the child/ren that pay the price.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2010):
No, don't let him keep the key. He might still pay the rent, but he has no 'right' as such to continually be coming over to your place demanding to come in. It would be rather like a divorced man who has to pay his ex wife's mortgage always coming over. It doesn't happen.
You are not together any longer. And you need to set boundaries to show that. Your son could get the wrong idea, prospective boyfriends could get the wrong idea, family and friends could all get the right idea.
I do think that you inviting him over to spend time with the son with both parents is a good idea. There are quite a few child psychologists who do recommend parents spending time together with their children, even when split up.
I also think it's great that you're both accepting responsibility for your son. That's a good, mature decision and can only be good for your son.
But don't let him keep the key. You do need to set a certain boundary.
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