A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are experiencing a long-distance relationship, and have come over quite a few bumps in the road, but have little issues smoothing them out level-headedly. However -- a new, more challenging conflict has arisen: within a few months, I will be admitted into the United States Air Force, and will be going out of the country. Since we are used to the long-distance, we agreed to continue dating during this time that I am serving our country. A wonderful perk, however, is that I get to visit him a month out of the year which is considered vacation time for the deployed. Him and I are both virgins, and plan to save it until we are engaged. We are very serious and have been discussing marriage and a future together after my time in the military. However, he makes sexual jokes here and there throughout the day (nothing I can't brush off), but at night, he wants to have phone sex with me -- EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! I have quite a libido, but in my opinion, sexual favors should be a treat, not something you get used to having around every day. I have discussed his obsession with him and he is very apologetic, and promises he does not need these sexual favors. He tells me he loves me and feels I am "the one" for him and that if he were to choose between sex and not having me versus not having sex and having me, he would choose to not have sex and keep me in his life. However, with his consistency of being horny even AFTER we speak, I am afraid I will not be able to satisfy him when I am away in the Air Force. He told me that I am more important to him than that to let me go over something so naive. I've offered for him to consider being single, or with another woman while I was in the USAF and see how we feel afterwards, and he declines and tells me he wants to settle down with me eventually. Is his libido too much to handle and should I step away from the situation before I become heartbroken, or should I stick around to see what happens, having the possiblity of my high school sweetheart being the one I marry? I have never loved anyone as much as I love him; but what a tough decision! What do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): I don't know your boyfriend, so I can't say with any certainty how he feels. But, I do know that for me my sex drive goes through the roof when I'm in a relationship with a woman I really like. I guess it's not fashionable for guys to say that, but for me it's the truth. When I am in a relationship, my sex drive is completely focussed on my partner. I've been in long distance relationships, and I didn't feel like cheating because my interest was solely in my partner.On the other hand, it seems to me your chances of keeping it going long distance are much better if you do what you can (e.g. phone sex) to satisfy his needs. If you really want to keep the relationship going, do whatever you can to meet his needs. If you can't do this and/or treat his needs as a "problem", it probably won't work. I do wonder why you think sex is a "favor", and a "treat" of some sort? It sounds as if you view your boyfriend as being a dog who needs to roll over and beg for his doggie treats. He might be happier with someone who understands that sex is about mutual love, trust, and understanding.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): I'd ride it out, with the understanding that once you are in BT, you will NOT be able to do the phone sex thing often, if at all. Once deployed, you will not have much opportunity either. And you are on probably an 8 year hitch, so "settling down" is something a ways off. I hope he understands that. I'm sure you do.
The situation will prove his mettle. I hope it works out for you both.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): "sexual favors should be a treat, not something you get used to having around every day"
so what you are saying is one day when you are married, if your hb is a good boy he can have sex????
Your bf loves you and wants to have sex with you to show you how much he loves you - and he is in love with you....
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