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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi: I am a married woman wih an 18 month old daughter. I am pretty unhappy in my marriage in large part due to my overbearing know-no-boundaries inlaws, especially my sister in law.She is obsessed with her brother, my husband. As a consequence, I am now seriously attracted to her husband, and I think he is pretty attracted to me...probably because he is also tired of this freakzone situation. My question is: should I act on this attraction or not? I no longer care about hurting my husband or his sister but I am scared that I would lose my daughter if we got caught. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): Very tricky indeed. Imagine if it was a couple of friends you were swapping with and imagine the potential strain that would br put on the friendship. A sibling relationship and a couple of family marriages are on the line and the chances of pulling it off without one of the four being scathed would be slim to none... that is if you can get over the brother/sister issue.
Bon Chance!
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (27 April 2006):
 You seem to have two issues here that need dealing with seperately.
The *thing you have for your BiL, is this a *tit-for-tat* of thing do you think? Or could it just be that unconciously you ahve developed a crush on this guy as a way of 'getting-back' at you SiL for being so involved in your life, a punishment if you like.
Also, I feel it is odd, the use of the phrase 'as a consequence' you ahve developed feelings for this out of bounds guy, almost as if you feel this is HER fault. Your SiL has almost asked for it. I would like to question you about WHY you think like this? Why is your *crush* as a consequence of HER behaviour.
Does your husband have a problem with his family being so involved in your lives? Has he just got one of those families that is constantly together and you are jealous of this maybe? Is his family background similar to yours?
If you answer these questions truthfully and still think you are behaving reasonably and she is behaving out of character/unreasonably, then ask your hubby for help in getting your private life back on track. Tell him you don't like his sisters behaviour. Tell him in a non-confrontational manner and tell him what you ahve told us here. I think he may be shocked that you feel so strongly about his sisters behaviour.
As for the question of whether you should act on your feelings for your BiL. Only you can answer that! If you wish to destroy 5 lives and send riccochets thru the entire family go ahead. But I think it is a little shallow to come on here and ask for approval. You will do what you want anyhow, I only hope the child does not get hurt in all of this.
Please try to rescue your relationship with your husband first before you blow everything out of the water for what would appear to be a rebound type crush.
Good luck.
xxx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 April 2006):
 Deal with the problem above the table. Why would you want to complicate it any more and join the "freak zone ". This way yo'll be seen as the person who did the right thing and you'll be able to hold your head up. Assuming that's important to you.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (26 April 2006):
 You should both swap.
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A
female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (26 April 2006):
 Well the only weird thing about that would be if your sister-in-law has kids with this guy. They would be cousins/step-siblings...and your doing this to try to leave the freakzone? Sounds like if you opt for this guy you may prepetuate it in a way. If its not healthy for you it can't be healthy for the kids.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 April 2006):
 You need to get a divorce. If you don't give a rip about your husband then do the decent thing and divorce him. You owe it to your daughter to be a class act. Ignore your infatuation with your brother-in-law, he's off limits. Get yourself free and clear and then move on with your life and find someone you can have a great life with. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (26 April 2006):
 Grow up!! Seriously, be mature about it, don't act on some feelings you have for your sister in laws husband, what are you basing your feelings on? Sounds to me like there are some games going on here...
As your not happy in your marriage you are becoming more attracted to the idea of being with someone else who you can love. First be honest with your husband and tell him you no longer love him, be honest with you daughter and tell her how you feel about her Dad. She will no doubt be upset but both of them will appreciate your honesty. Then amicably suggest an arrangement of seeing your daughter between the two of you.
Keep your distance from the in-laws, you will no longer have to put up with them if you split from your husband. Don't whatever you do have anything to do with your sister in laws husband, that will be commiting adultery. Well best of luck to you...think about you and how unhappy you are, if you can't resolve your marriage, and things have gone to far...get out of it NOW!! xx
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A
female
reader, miss b +, writes (26 April 2006):
 this is a very tricky situation, speak to your husband and find out what his intentions are.
then whatever they are base your situation on his answer
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A
male
reader, indiansage +, writes (26 April 2006):
Incest is no go! Your husband and his sister need professional help. You are attracted to your brother in law on the rebound. Better if all four of you meet with a shrink.
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