A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I've had a thing with a guy for about two years, he's asked me to be his girlfriend, but I said no because he was leaving for college in another place soon. Also, I'm not good enough for him and I just don't want him to be stuck with me. It took him over a year to ask me because he said he still liked his ex girlfriend, he said he had feelings for her and not me. but she cheated and he said I was perfect and he could trust me. So, that whole year I liked him soo much and he had no feelings for me..all he wanted was her. So now he's in college and he parties a lot...he tells me he's still a virgin, but I don't believe him. he swears he is.. I kind of give him blow jobs, but I don't want to have sex for a long time. He promises he's a virgin, but is that even possible? I mean girls must be throwing themselves at him. I know I'm not his girlfriend and I shouldn't care, but I'm driving myself crazy thinking about all the girls he must be with. I like him so much, he's amazing...but I'm not good enough for him. No matter how much I like him, I know we would never work out. Do you think its possible for a college guy to still be a virgin? Also, since I know I'm not good enough...should I just walk away. I already tried once, but I missed him too much. should I try again? I'm sorry for the rambling, I just needed to let this all out.
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blow-job, crush, ex girlfriend, his ex, self esteem, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): He likes you. Let him decide whether he thinks you're good enough - clearly he does.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 How many times in the entire post have you stated, "I'm not good enough for him"?!!
Come on OP, stop thinking that way!! If you dont love yourself, then how can you expect others to? Your self esteem has taken such a hit, you even doubt people who like you, thinking there must be something wrong with them!!
Why do you think this way about yourself? You are WAY too good for him, you are good for anyone, you just need to believe in yourself.
Look, to be honest I dont think this guy is good enough for YOU in the first place, because he wasnt over his ex, had feelings for her and not for you and asked you out only when she cheated on him, saying that you were perfect for him. This guy's a loser OP. He knows you are there for him and now he gets blow jobs from you and swears he's a virgin! For one thing, why are you even getting physical with him if he's not your boyfriend? This is like an FWB situation developing here. Also, the real issue here is not about him being a virgin or not, the thing is, why is it such a big deal for you? How does it change anything if he's a virgin? He's just not worth it in any case.
You need to work on your confidence first. Take counselling if necessary, but address the self esteem issues first. The guy comes much later, and to be honest, he doesnt seem worth all the headache. You can do much better
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 If he likes you then yes you are just as good as him. Self esteem or more likely poor self esteem will railroad you if you do not address this issue.
Yes, absolutely he could still be a virgin. But if he is not it is not the end of the world either. See how he is with you when he sees you next time.
Please do not waste your life on jealously. It will stop you going forward. Perhaps read a book from the library or obtain on line called 'I'm OK, You're OK' because it sounds like you are telling yourself over and over again that you are not worthy. When really you are worthy of this guy.
And while he is away at colleged please work on any issues that your perceive that you have and address those issues so you are more able to convice yourself next time you are with him that: YES you are GOOD ENOUGH for him.
And perhaps allow yourself to read these two articles and put some of these suggestions into practise?
Accordingly here is an article on the power of Positive thinking. It can be done, even when things look bleak.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
this is an article on Self Confidence from Code Warrior is also worth reading. I think it is an excellent article from Dear Cupid:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (22 January 2012):
It is possible for a college guy to still be a virgin.
If he likes you and wants you, then you are good enough for him. Who is or is not good enough for him is up to him, not you.
And the idea that he is better than you, where does that come from? If he is continually telling you that he is? If so, forget it. If he is not, find out who is making you feel this way. Low self-esteem comes from someone else putting you down, so you put yourself down.
But if he is respecting you and treating you well, then get over yourself. Don't judge yourself by him. He likes you. This should mean you are worth something. You offer him something other women don't, and that makes you valuable.
So if you really need proof that you are valuable, there it is.
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