A
female
age
30-35,
*mily90
writes:I am a 20 year old female that can not find the right guy for anything. i have dated soo many guys and only have had 2 serious relationships that both lasted 2 years. both of those guys left me heartbroken. they both left out of nowhere. this one guy i just recently met seems perfect. i kept praying to God to thank him for finally sending me somebody decent and a really good guy. well this guy ended up not wanting anything because he just got out of a relationship. why me? i go out wiht my friends all the time and never can meet anybody. all the good guys seems to be already taken and the ones that want me are going no where in life. how do i stop focusing on wanting to be with the man im going to marry because i go crazy everyday because i am the only single girl i know. everybody else is engaged, married, pregnant...TAKEN and im becomming very vulnerable and depressed and impatient.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 I will add in something that made me feel happy to be single. I have a friend who just reached 21 and already has two kids with a guy she's been together with since she was 17. I was so jealous of her when she got pregnant, and even more so when number two came along. It just looked so perfect, and they seemingly have a loving relationship, living together, and she hardly ever complains and seems to be happy and thrilled. I do wish her all the best, and I do think she is happy with her life the way it is as well... But last time I met her she made me realize how the grass is always greener on the other side of the river.
Last time we met she for once didn't have her kids with her, as her boyfriend stayed at home with them while she did the Christmas shopping. The only reason he could stay at home was because he had broken his arm in a work accident, otherwise she'd never have been able to leave the house! While we were shopping he kept calling her asking about every little thing about the kids. At one store two young handsome men were working and helping us out picking out gifts for her boyfriend, and after we left the store she turned to me and said "Don't you think they were handsome? I wish I could go on a date with them! And then I had to tell them I have a boyfriend whom Im shopping for, ruining the whole thing. Wasn't he just gorgeous that one guy?" Her imaginary date with these two men went on all until we walked by a jewelry store, and she confessed to me that although her boyfriend has proposed... he doesn't have the intention of actually getting married, and wont get her a proper engagement ring. He wont even tell people they are engaged! So she wants him to buy her a fancy ring just so he can't hide that they are engaged and actually has to admit to it! We even went in to look at rings and try them on, she laid her eyes on the perfect ring she'll never have with a huge sigh, because it's too expensive when they have two kids already, she doesn't have a job, and he doesn't even want to acknowledge their engagement!
She even said that how can he not marry her, he already put two children on her. I asked if she didn't have a part to play in getting pregnant herself, and she snorted back saying at least she used protection (she forgot to take a pill one day), he could have used a condom as well but didn't! The only fortune in it all was that at least she was over 18 when she had her first one...
I don't wish her any unhappiness. But on that day I felt really good about being single. My happiness is not dependent on a man to buy me a ring or keep his promises. I am not locked up in a house with two small children. It will be probably be good when the time is right. But for now that life is not for me, and knowing that you are free, and that the grass indeed only looks better on the other side, is a good feeling.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (20 December 2010):
 You are only 20 years old. I remember going through the same thing though. It seemed like everyone had met someone. And people my age were married already! I realize now it just seemed that way. When you are single and lonely sometimes it feels like everyone has love but you. I find it impossible that every single one of your 20 year old friends are married with kids. And honestly most people married so young don't last. That's a reason the divorce rate is at 50%. You need lots of time before making the big decision and should never just be jumped into. And at 20 you don't even know yourself completely yet.
Anyhow, it is completely normal to not have met "the one" at 20. I find it abnormal otherwise. And having 2 relationships that lasted for 2 years each is a long time! At 20 I had one relationship at 18 that lasted 8 months and was messed up, broke up numerous times. And then another that lasted a year and a half, also messed up and broke up numerous times. And he was a loser beyond belief... No job, debt, anger problem, lazy, porn addiction, fought constantly... geez. And I could've married him if I was stupid. And now he is engaged to a girl he dated for 5 months. I feel horrible for them. He took the first girl who would have him and she doesn't know him well enough yet. But that's what happens.
Now you could find anyone to date for a long time or marry. You want to find the right one. And he takes time. Everything worth anything is worth waiting for. Marriage is nothing to be entered into lightly. Or just because everyone else is doing it at such and such time and age so so should we. My boyfriend is 30 with all his friends married and settled down and he still wasn't going to just settle for anyone. He dated a girl for 3 years and it went nowhere and had no real feelings so had to dump her, now he finally met me and wants to spend his life with me, for the first time ever he has thought about the future with someone. Took him 30 years.
So 20 is no age to be worrying. When you meet someone you will realize you worried for nothing, believe me. I feel like I dated the biggest losers imaginable until I met my current boyfriend. And many times I thought it would never happen. But don't lose hope. Remain positive and be yourself. You WILL meet him. Even think about it, you held on to people for 2 years each, I couldn't do that. And it was most likely your age that caused neither of those to go anywhere. And you will be happy later that you didn't settle down "just because". 20 is too young for all that. I feel sorry for the people who could never truly experience life because at 20 they had settled down and had their kids. Why the rush? Have fun. Date. Don't rush him or yourself and let things just happen. You will be great and don't give up hope so soon. You are the one they will be jealous of when they are bored as hell and stuck with kids and you are out having the time of your life with no responsibilites.
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A
male
reader, Jonronjon +, writes (20 December 2010):
you are not alone. Im a man and i think the same things. It happens to everyone. Dont let it distroy who you are. All the bad guys out there were good at one time until they too got heart broken by woman and those woman were good until they got hurt as well. Its an endless cycle. Im 22 and I noticed that the world we are in is very differant then it was for our parents and grandparents.
People just dont believe in working things out anymore, if they dont like something in the relationship they find someone new because its easyer for them to just get with someone else. Love is just another word to ALOT of people.
What real advice? Enjoy yourself first. Find things you like to do and better yourself. And when you find a new man dont rush things ,dont hope he is the one. Just enjoy the time spent together and if they are the one they will stay. Mabey you alrdy met the one? maybe in ten years you will run back into them?
Dont let life get you down. Its gotten me down and im horrible right now, Go out and enjoy it il be horrible for the both of us.
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Enjoy the dating life without marking every guy as a suitable husband. This will make your dating more pleasant and fun. Meet new people and try to hang out with single people therefore you will have more things in common, and won't feel depressed.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (20 December 2010):
This is a clear cut case of you not knowing any other singles, hence you stress out because everyone else live a certain way and you don't want to be left out. If every girlfriend of mine were engaged, married, or had kids, I'd probably feel the same nervousness about finding a man myself! Lucky me I have single friends who have been single for longer periods of time that I have, and it really teaches me to appreciate the good sides of being single. Btw, both me and my other single friends are about 5 years older than you.
We're not willing to date some jerk just so we can have the picture perfect wedding with kids and faking happiness to the outside world. Im glad for those who have found a good man/woman to be with at an early age, but I haven't yet, and thats ok. And Im not willing to get with just about anyone, neither are you. That's half the explanation.
When I read your question this is what I though: she's dated 2 men for 2 years each and she's 20? So she started dating at 16? No wait, there's been several men she's dated, so how early did she start really? 14? At that age you can't really expect to find anyone good!
So there you go. You've dated a lot, but you've not dated a lot as an adult. Puppy love and high school flings don't count in the adult world. Period. Teenage boys are not mature men. You want to find a good man? Then you can't think about all the hopeless immature teenagers you've dated. We were ALL immature as teenagers, it comes with the lack of life experience. Now is the time for you to date someone mature, now is the time for you to date and look for someone you can actually stay with for life. And as you're only 20 you have just reached the age where I'd think it'd be normal to start thinking about serious relationships. Before 20 I'd not recommend anyone to look for someone that will last them a whole life, as they barely even know themselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Yeah it seems like there is no one left, but honey, you are only 20 years old. If i was that age and had no kids or a man, i would finish college and travel and enjoy all the people i meet. I am married to a man who is never around, i have two kids of whom are very demanding and I didn't get to finish college because of the kids and my demanding husband. I don't go anywhere, I have no friends. He seemed like a good man in the beginning but as time went on he changed. Be careful of what you wish for.
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