A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This will seem reminiscent of highschool drama, which is quite immature for a University student, but I need help from you pro’s. Since you’re on this site and reading this intro, you might as well answer, right? Say yes please. Anyway, here goes: I’ve recently started to fancy this guy in my class. I’ll call him Tom. He´s very funny and just a very positive person without being gagworthy (you know the type). Anyway, my problem is that I clam up every time we have a conversation. Usually, I’m not like this. I’m very independent, don’t give a damn what people think about me and I usually know how to keep a conversation going, even when I’m around someone I fancy. But right now I feel like I’m like I’m 13 again, clumsy and awkward. It’s irritating as hell and kinda strange for someone to have that effect on me. It also doesn’t help that Tom is usually with his best friend and they share inside jokes I don’t get. When they do that I tell them it’s immature to make jokes I don’t get in my presence and that they should let me into the fun or go back to elementary school. This usually does the trick. Still, for now I feel like just another classmate because a friend wouldn’t need to say that in the first place. It’s not like Tom is the clown of the class, but he’s popular and I’m not the only one who is into him. There are several girls who follow him around like chewing gum stuck to a shoe. They often try to engage him in a “who is the funniest” contest to get his attention. I usually don’t participate, because I’m not all that funny and I know that trying to be would defeat the purpose because it’s not who I am and it would come across as forced. (Self knowledge is golden, isn’t it?) So, what to do? I’ve never been someone who ‘stands out’ in a crowd. We get along just fine, but he gets along well with pretty much everyone so that doesn’t say much.He’s pretty direct about whom he doesn’t like and my name hasn’t come up, but that doesn’t mean anything. Biting the bullet and telling him how I feel terrifies me as I have absolutely no clue what he thinks about me and it might make things awkward in class if he doesn’t feel the same. I know all of this sounds very stupid and immature, (and it probably is) but I’m really stumbling around and could use some tips. If you have questions, I’ll answer them in a follow up, but for now this is long enough already. Thank you for your time! (PS English isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes I might have made!)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 December 2010):
 First of all, if English seriously isn't your first language, than BRAVO! You write better than the vast majority of native speakers we get here. I'm not kidding one bit. u no wut i mean? So, congratulations and thank you!
Ok, on to your dilemma. This is tough. When you say you hang out, is it just you, him and his best friend or are there others in the group as well? If it's just the three of you, then that's a good sign. Do you see him doing that kind of thing with other girls as well?
I was never the popular guy, so I can't speak from that perspective, but one thing I've learned is that popular people sometimes have trouble finding dates. The reason is that their good looks and popularity often intimidates people and they in turn shy away. Because of this (and I know it would be embarrassing for you) I think you should ask him out. Those girls following him around like gum on a shoe (nice analogy by the way) are trying to win his attention, but they aren't taking that next step. They are hoping he will pick one of them to ask out instead of expressly stating their interest. This allows him to blow them off. Take that initiative and ask him out. Pick something small, coffee, maybe see a band that might be playing somewhere local, just something you could do together that feels like it's in between friends hanging out and a proper date. If he's keen on it, then that's a great sign.
You may feel awkward if he turns you down, but I have a feeling he will handle it in a kind manner if he's really a good guy like you think he is.
Remember, nothing worth having comes easily. Don't let your fears overshadow the possibility of something good.
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