A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years now, and so far it's been amazing. It's a very healthy relationship, we have good communication and are very close... but lately, in the last few months, things are beginning to fall apart and I don't know where else to turn to. I want to save our relationship but I don't know where to start.We are both in college and we both work, so time is not really on our side. Our lives are hectic, and although we still remind each other of our love for one another, there are times I feel so neglected. We've sat down and had this conversation before, and we both agreed we were going through tough times, but we also agreed that we were going to get through this and that our love wouldn't be affected... but I'm afraid this IS affecting our love, and in the long run the effects will only get worse, I'm sure. We used to be able to stay up and talk for hours, just about absolutely anything. We made each other laugh constantly and we were always playful with each other, and very loving. Lately, that's out of the picture.I understand this is part of every relationship, and I never expected those things to last forever- but there have been days where I don't hear one word from him, and I do worry. I don't expect him to be calling me 24/7 and I understand college and work are tiring because I go through the same thing, but I would like at least hearing from him to know he's okay. There are days when things couldn't be better, and we go out on dates and it's just like old times... but there are others where I find myself wondering where we are going.Just as a side note, we've never had sex... but we were actually planning to very soon. We saved up together to go off on a mini-vacation, to get away from everything and have that time to ourselves. And I know you're probably thinking "Woah, 3 years and no sex, there's your answer" lol but I suffered from a very traumatizing sexual experience that ended just before us getting together 3 years back, and up until now I hadn't felt like I was truly ready for that. He was the first person I ever opened up with about that, and he understood me completely. He respected me, and he's been very patient. Our relationship goes much farther than physical, but I think it's time and I'm ready and confident that he's the person I want to lose my virginity to.But the question goes back to... how do I save my relationship? How do I get us to have fun the way we used to? To share and love and talk the way we used to? He says this is only temporary, and it won't affect his feelings for me... and I don't know if to believe him, because I can honestly say they are affecting mine. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Hello sweetness,
College & work, it's a bitch. Gets in the way, messes things up. So, it just means that your relationship will take a little more work... but it's not impossible to get through this and ultimately come out stronger - you'll appreciate what time you have even more.
Sounds to me like you really need to actively schedule time together. No, it won't be as spontaneous and feel as fresh as it used to, but you'll get back to that in time, as soon as both of you have a lighter work load. It will take both of you to put in effort and to things of new and creative ways to show love, even when you're not in constant contact. Long distance relationships do this all the time!
In relationships you'll have up times, and you'll have down times. Sometimes things will be harder, some times it will be tougher to keep things hot, but you have to believe that it WILL get better. Just remember the bottom line: do you love him? And if you do, then this time will be worth fighting and working through.
When you both have some downtime, just make a nice dinner and a hot date and have a talk about all of this. Remind him that you'll need a little extra reassurance and this will be hard on you. It's important that you clue him in about this stuff!
Good luck, sweetness! I say, keep trying before you give up for good... 3
A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Given the fact that you are both busy, this is difficult, but we always make some time for what we would like to do most (even if it's just a few moments).
See if you can make an agreement with your boyfriend to talk every day, even if it's only 10 minutes. You both eat, right? Call one another during a meal time. That should be time where both of you are sitting for a few moments and can't do much of anything else.
If he is unwilling to make the time, then there is probably something else going on for him.
Maybe 3 years has been too much for him. Even the nicest and most understanding man has desires and a situation like this could be very difficult.
I'm sure he desires a relationship where each person is able to be completely intimate. But you shouldn't be with him physically if this is his only reason for with-holding affection or time, sex won't fix things if he isn't going to give you the time and attention you desire.
Be open and really communicate and tell him that the level of intimacy in the relationship will increase, but you want to know that the relationship is in a stable place before you do anything to change that.
It's not unreasonable to want to talk to someone you love every day. He should make the time for you.
I hope this helps and that both of you can get through this rough patch and find happiness. :-)
-Angellica Waters
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