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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I was bullied quite badly at school for having red hair. That was 7 years ago, i'm 24 now and look completely different, but i still feel like i'm the same person i was back then. If somebody compliments me, especially a guy, i just won't believe them at all. I get attention from guys but i don't like it and feel uncomfortable if somebody looks at me or calls me attractive etc I wear make up everyday, not a ridiculous amount, but i would never leave the house without wearing any. The only thing i like about myself (ironically) is my long, red hair. A few years ago i really fell for this guy but in the end it didn't become anything more than sex. We know each other from school but we were just acquaintances back then and i agreed with him when he told me that a relationship wouldn't work because he lives too far away and we haven't gotten to know each other well enough. He's now with some (blonde) girlfriend. Even though she's not exactly a supermodel (and it looks like her roots aren't so blonde) he still chose her and i always feel like the real reason he chose her is because i'm not attractive or good enough. Even though he's with her now he still tries to get me into bed when he sees me.I'm tired of feeling like i'm not worthy enough to be somebody's friend or girlfriend. It doesn't matter if people call me attractive, i still feel like i'm disgusting. I walk with my head down when i'm out in public and i can't bare people looking at me. I'm 5ft7 and wish i was shorter just so i could hide.
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male
reader, honestman  +, writes (17 February 2012):
I think you are more attractive than you see yourself. Your red hair is not your real problem: your self image does.
Let me tell you a the story of my girlfriend. She was born in a family where everyone is blue eyed and blond. She was born black haired, brown eyed. She have always been bullied by her family and her relatives. They have always told her she was ugly.
When I saw her, I fell in love with her. She was a tall, thin, kind, intelligent, girl with long black hair and a pale white skin (I like pale girls :P ) . She is really gorgeous, and to be honest, I haven't met a girl as sexy as her.
Now, the problem, is her self image. She looks at herself, and she sees an ugly girl. She does not believe anyone that tells her that she is beautiful. There are TONS of guys who hit on her on a regular basis, but she thinks that she is ugly and that they are only trying to make fun of her.
We've been 5 years together, and for 5 years I've honestly complimented her about her looks, but so far, she still feels ugly from time to time.
I think you have the same problem as my girlfriend. I think you are at least 10 times more beautiful than you think you are. That bullying you suffered its taking a heavy toll on your self-esteem.
GUY FACT: Men will hit on pretty girls, ALWAYS. Here comes a challenge: how many men hit on you on average every week? Try counting how many compliments you get. You'll be amazed of how many compliments/hit ons you'll get on a month. Those guys who try to hit on you do it because you are certainly attractive, not because they want to make you feel upset.
START seeing yourself as how you really are, now how you THINK other persons look at you.
I personally like red haired girls. I love Anne of the Green Gables, the same as my girlfriend. If you don't who is Anne, try look on youtube for her movies.
"I'm tired of feeling like i'm not worthy enough to be somebody's friend or girlfriend."
YOU ARE WORTHY ENOUGH to be somebody's friend of girlfriend. For god's sake, you are a human, and you DESERVE love and affection. You just need to go out, and find those persons who can cherish you. Go to an art club, frequent the library, cultivate yourself.
MY GIRLFRIEND thought she was never going to have a boyfriend because she felt "ugly" until she met me.
Slowly, she have started to have a better self image, and she now likes to wear more girly clothing, and she now enjoys being herself most of the time.
NOW is the moment to start loving yourself how you are. Or are you going to wait until you are 99 years old to appreciate your beauty? Come on!
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Agree with the last poster. First you said it was your red hair, now it's whether your skinny or not. There is a problem with how you see yourself. I don't know if this is something for a psychologist, but I do know you have to learn to feel well with how you are.
See you, Ginger!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I might be reading into you statement of being "really thin" more than what is meant, but I worry that you might have an unhealthy body image and possibly an eating disorder. I apologize if I am misunderstanding your statement.I think it might benefit you to have someone to talk to, such as a psychologist. There are no drugs, just constructive conversation. It can help you to deal with the image you have of yourself.I'm not sure if health insurance is still free in your country, but if it is I say take advantage of it.As to why men hit on you, I can't say why. Some men are pigs in search of one thing, while others are trying to court a girlfriend. I myself don't have the nerve to even approach a woman, but that's another story. If your goal is to actively deter men from approaching then plain clothing ( baggy and not form fitting) and not wearing make up may help. Whether changing your personal dress style to deter men seems excessive is up to you.I wish you luck,E.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't stand men giving me attention and i can't understand why men hit on me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never tan either. I've lost 15lbs and i thought being really thin would help but it hasn't.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 I don't understand the UK's obsession with being mean to redheads. In the US, Redheads are almost universally considered sexy and beautiful, and red hair is HIGHLY prized as a beauty trait. The folks across the pond really need to wake the hell up about how awesome it is to have red hair.
The culture is different there, and I honestly can't empathize with your situation since I haven't seen what UK people treat redheads like. However, I can say that you need to value yourself as a human being worth loving, and understand that the color of your hair (which you can change easily with just a trip to the salon!) should never hold you back.
Much love hon.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): The man is an a*s, and that is more of an insult to donkeys. As Ampersand stated, teenagers can be really cruel and unfair.
Red hair is beautiful(my personal favorite hair color on women). His actions speak to his amoral character and not your physical appearance or inner beauty.
Low self esteem can make the most beautiful person feel like the Frankenstein monster. I believe you are exponentially much more attractive than you believe. What helped me gain confidence was Tai-Chi, Pilates, and Ju-jitsu; Learning a martial art might give you a nice boost.
On a tangential note, the "player" types tend to prey on those with low self esteem, beware.
I wish you the best,
E.
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (29 January 2012):
In my humble opinion, red hair = hot.
I don't know what you look like, but I don't think you should have such a bad opinion of yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): I have red hair too, and had the same crap in school (mind you I would quickly find something about them to throw back at, so I gave as good as I got!) ;-)
I used to hate my hair, then grew to love it, but now I'm older and its going grey, I wish I would've appreciated it much more...
I really don't think your hair colour is the problem, it's your self-esteem.
If I have a down day, I think about people who are worse off than me (i.e. a person going through chemo, would love hair, any colour, if it rid them of their cancer, a burns victim would love to just moan about a couple of spots, etc etc)
You are who you are, and if you don't love you, how can you expect someone else to hey?
Try doing something/hobby that boosts your self-esteem. (You only have 1 shot at this life, and it is really sad to waste it because of your hair colour!)
Chin up, good luck x
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female
reader, themusicgoddess19  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 Don't ever let your self-image bring you down girl! Feel beautiful in your skin. There is this boy in my 1st block at school and he makes fun of me all the time, and I'm just like, "Are you in kindergarten? Grow Up!" I was completely head over heels for this guy I dated last year, and our relationship became one sexual encounter after another.. He broke up with me for a girl from my hometown, (he was in college while I was still in high school) and she wasn't pretty at all. She dyed her hair blonde as well, and now her roots are about three inches long. I felt horrible when we broke up, because I felt like I was hiedious or something, but now i realize he just an idiot.
I promise that you will find someone that will love you for exactly the way you are! They will think you are the egg McMuffin of girls! (:
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female
reader, themusicgoddess19 +, writes (28 January 2012):
Don't ever let your self-image bring you down girl! Feel beautiful in your skin. There is this boy in my 1st block at school and he makes fun of me all the time, and I'm just like, "Are you in kindergarten? Grow Up!" I was completely head over heels for this guy I dated last year, and our relationship became one sexual encounter after another.. He broke up with me for a girl from my hometown, (he was in college while I was still in high school) and she wasn't pretty at all. She dyed her hair blonde as well, and now her roots are about three inches long. I felt horrible when we broke up, because I felt like I was hiedious or something, but now i realize he just an idiot.
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