A
female
age
30-35,
*BM2008
writes:I haven't seen my boyfriend in nearly two weeks. Though he has been extremely busy with work for that time, (14-hour shifts, no days off) the least he could do is take a few seconds to send me a text here and there like he used to. I loved it when he would send me good morning texts. I think he's overwhelmed, but that doesn't excuse him from disconnecting in such a way. He does tend to fall asleep when he gets home, but that doesn't excuse him from a five minute call as soon as he walks in, right? What I don't understand is why he won't put more effort into us. I feel like he's already checked out. It makes no sense that he texts "baby stop", or "don't be that way" when I ask him if he even wants this relationship anymore, or when I say that I know we won't be able to hang out because he's doing x, y, or z.When I tell him that I don't deserve this, and that we need to have a conversation, all he says is "I know". The last time we hung out, it had to be quick because he needed to go home to sleep, since he wakes up at ungodly hours for work. He was sweet as always, and things were good. We laughed together and enjoyed the brief time we spent with each other. This was on the 16th.Things are always good when we're together. It's when we're apart that I get anxious, irritated, and sad. He handles it better, because he's the busy one right now. He does say he misses me, and misses us. I figure that, even though things come up, he could at least let me know beforehand that we won't be hanging out after all. Instead, he waits until I ask him what's going on. Why can't he just communicate? I'm not a mean girl, I'll be upset but I won't bite his head off. His initiative as far as contacting me is gone. I want things to be like they were in the beginning, when he would be all over me trying to get my affection and attention. I have told him that he doesn't try anymore, because now he has me. He has said, "No, I don't have you. Not yet." Overall, he seems sincere, but it's difficult to believe that he truly cares about me with the way things are going. I feel as though he has lost interest. After my text on Thursday (it is now Saturday), I have not contacted him and plan to just let him come to me this time. The ball is now in his court.We have not broken up, but I need to talk to him. I haven't yet decided whether I want to continue with the relationship, since I need to talk to him to know what's really going on. Lately, I feel like he could be stringing me along to see if I'll do the breaking up, so that he won't be the one to hurt me. I don't know. He hasn't mentioned breaking up, or even hinted at it. His actions show me otherwise, though. I'm so confused I'm sick of speculating, but I'm also sick of feeling taken for granted.
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female
reader, EBM2008 +, writes (29 January 2012):
EBM2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, guys. This is definitely a temporary work situation, and it should end in a few weeks or so. You all have given me extremely helpful answers and I really appreciate you sharing your experiences in similar situations. I think the third answer hit the nail right on the head: my boyfriend has actually told me that he gets home and passes out. He hasn't even had the energy to hit the gym for a while, and he's lost a bit of weight because he can't eat as much or as frequently as before. Now I feel like I was a horribly pesky girlfriend :-/ but thank you for reiterating the importance of patience!
I'll be sure to update. Again, many thanks!
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 January 2012):
 It depends what he does for a living...Is he an ER nurse or doctor, EMT, something in the medical field?
Did all of this start when he got this job?
I agree it doesn't take but 5 minutes for a phone call, or a few seconds for a text. When was the last time you two spoke?
If he can't see you which is understandable with 14hr days and no days off, i'd be hitting the bedsheets too, then he should be at least talking to you as much as he can.
Unfortunately, you can't rewind the relationship and get him to give you more attention because of the simple fact he's always working. Unless, he quit his job..which probably isn't going to happen.
Now it boils down to does he even have time for this relationship? Not really. Are you getting what you want out of this relationship?? Doesn't look like.
You've tried talking to him about his communication?? That's all you can do since he has no days off. Then the next step would be to take matters into your own hands and break up with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): You're being selfish.
He's busy, he knows it, you know it. What's the problem? would you rather he didnt work a job and sat around on a couch playing video games .... because there are loads of guys like that out there, go ahead, take ur pick.
If you want something... BE SPECIFIC. if you know when he gets off work, maybe you can arrange something you want to happen, and then suggest it to him, he's too tired to be spontaneous, try to understand that.
If he didnt want the relationship, he would have let go of it by now. The fact that he is so busy, rarely sees you, and yet still responds that way when u suggest ditching him, means he does care to some degree.
Also, to make yourself feel better, you should try to find something that YOU can spend time doing. Being bored is a sure fire way to make yourself feel neglected if your boyfriend is busy. (I had to learn that for myself ^^)
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): I think your next move depends on if this crazy work schedual is a permanent thing, or just a few months until things settle down. I have worked an insane schedual as well (11-12 hour days, 14 days in a row before a single day off), so I have nothing but sympathy for your boyfriend, trust me, even though you think it would be simple to make a quick call as soon as he gets home from work, all you want to do after a shift is eat, and pass out in front of the tv. add more stress on to that because your partner keeps pestering you about needing to communicate and it makes him even less likely to want to call, because all it will do is start that conversation again.
SO if this is for a short while, like 2-3 months, try to be understanding and patient until you can get your normal guy back. If it is going on for longer, and he is already doing what he feels he can given how tired and busy he is, then clearly the relationship is not going to work. You (and indeed, most people) need more than that, and there is no point in being in a relationship where someone can't communicate, and you rarely meet up. I hope you can work things out, but ultimately you are going to need to do what's best for you, and that probably doesn't equate to staying in a deadend relationship.
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A
female
reader, themusicgoddess19  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 I totally understand what you are going though girl! I used to date this guy, I was still in high school when he started college, and I hardly ever got to see him. It sucked, horridly.And like you're bo, he used to send me messages in the morning when I would get ready for school, and he just so sweet about it. But eventually that stopped, and we stopped going out on dates after school. (We both did marching band at this time, so it was hard to go out a lot.) But I was like you feeling-wise. Sadly, it ended, but it was defientley for the best. But I legit think that your bo is sincere, working that much can be hard on a person and a relationship, but he could make a better effort... If there is anyway he could take a vacation or leave early one day from his demanding job, I think it would do you both good! You can hang out, and just have time with each other. I wouldn't break-up yet. See how things may play out in the future, but if you don't see any relief or give in the relationship, I'd end it.
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