A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright heres the scoop:I am going to be a junior in college and I have never had a boyfriend nor have I kissed a guy. Honestly, there have been plenty of guys that have wanted to do stuff with me but I have not really liked any of them enough, and now im to the point where im just scared to try because I think my lack of experience is ridiculous at this age, as I am almost 20. I am embarassed by it and I think it is holding me back. when I am at parties and there are attractive guys, I will flirt, dance, do whatever but actually kiss them. Heres the thing, I feel completely and 100% ready to do all of that, even have sex, but I am waiting for the right guy. Unfortunately, the guys that I have liked in that way seem to string me along or go hot/cold on me meaning sometimes he likes me sometimes he doesnt. My question is, is it intimidating to a guy to know that I am a virgin? I just want to understand what someone would think if they were considering me as a date but then found out I was a virgin. What would be the first impression?
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male
reader, bfire +, writes (2 June 2008):
I had sex once when I was 17 with a girl that I knew, border line friend status/lover status. I only did it once because I was visiting for only 2 weeks but knew her from before. She was definitely the more aggressive one because she had experience, but I still regret it slightly. Although it satisfied some curiosity I haven't been sexually active since then. I am almost 23 years old. Sometimes I wish I didn't have sex before because I am not sexually active really and would rather be ready fully ready to love someone fully, and multiple times to be honest.The reason is many. I am shy, I also have been relatively busy with university and am not a big party person. Anyway, it is good. It doesn't really matter what time you loose your virginity, as long as you loose it when you are ready to a person you are willing to give it too. Also 20 is still young, at least I like to think so. I am almost 23 and sometimes feel old in comparison to the average age that people become sexually active or how much relationship experience they have had. But everyone is different, and here you will see you are defiantly not alone in age and virginity status.
A
male
reader, Anonyman  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 I can't really offer you the best advice compared to some, but i can tell you you're not alone with this. I'm nearly 20 and in the same position. Never had sex, a girlfriend or even kissed. But i'm told i'm a nice guy and good looking. If you're anything like me, the virgin bit does get to you but what hurts more is that you've never had a partner. It becomes so important to you that it starts acting as a mental barrier, everytime you see someone you like you want to go for it but their past comes into your head. Even if you don't know that much about the person.
I would find it easier to be with a girl who is closer to my level to develop myself alongside them, rather than trying to catch them. And constantly wondering if they are happy and if you are up to standard. I'd try to take it one step at a time, don't think about sex with someone you like. Try focusing everything on a date with them, then asking them out, then kissing... etc
Good luck! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): You are just fine. Enjoy your life. No, it is not intimidating.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 What would be intimidating about it?
What might be the case is that you are not an easy girl, you are waiting for Mr Right and apparenly not given in to any Mr Wrongs or Mr Maybes yet.
Mr Right won't be intimidated at all. Been on this site for a while now and seen plenty of questions where couples had trouble dealing with a partner having to much sexual history. Not a single one complaining that their love was a virgin.
If anything it a good thing, lets be honest, most men would be pleased that their gf has waited for them.
If you want to wait for the right person then do so. It is a lot easier to find the right person when you are not being used as a sex toy, are ill with an STD, have kids from unplanned pregnancies and more baggage then BT can loose in a week.
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A
female
reader, Mia Rio +, writes (30 May 2008):
first off the reason why u may feel that a guy is hot and cold is maybe cause your not showing them enough that you like them ie kissing them so they are unsure!second off most guys will be happy your a virgin to be honest as it gives them a chance to take the lead and show off, it makes them feel really good. i was embarrassed at telling my bf i was a virgin at 18 and i held off for a while cause i thought id get a bad reaction but he loved it - and he had a lot of experience. you just need to feel confident for being you and dont worry, if a guys worth it he'll be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): It's not a turn off but it can attract a certain kind of guys to just want to be your first. I was in a similar situation a long time ago and 2 weeks of madness cost me my virginity to my regret. Try to keep yourself for the right one you feel comfortable with. x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): To begin with it can be. Just because a man can feel there's a lot more responsibility and respect to be had. The guy then knows you don't rush into anything.But if the guy is really into you he'll be fine with it.Otherwise he'll be unsure whether to touch you because he doesn't want to be the guy that took your virginity then run or also unsure about your skill so to speak.But don't let it bother you ok any guy that is truly interested and has your interests at heart will be fine with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): A decent guy would would respect you're having kept yourself pure for so long. It would be nice if you could keep yourself so for the right one.
Many of us didn't manage that,with regrets.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): First of all I congratulate you on having so much respect for yourself. I think that people jump into sex too soon ( Ive done it myself) and it can be exciting but also very regretful.
I think your wise to wait until you find the right guy, whether it be a relationship that lasts, or one that doesn't. Having sex for the first time is a big deal for a woman, it's a very emotional issue and not one that most men understand fully. The right man won't feel intimidated by your virgin status, in fact he will see it as a great compliment that you have chosen to give to him. You sound as though you are reaching a point of maturity over it all and know what you want.
Its also not necessary to reveal your status right off, you dont have to mention it at all. You will know when it is the right time and when it does happen it will be because you chose the moment and it was important to you. Telling him a little later if you choose to will make him feel special but don't make it an issue.
Best of luck
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