A
male
age
41-50,
*AKWOOD
writes:My Wife or my mistress?I am in mid 30s.married for 4 years. Got my wife pregnant and I feel responsible for it. i got the work from another country . where i feel very lonely. until one day when i meet my other woman. she is everything to me. we are compatible, mentally, emotionally, and we common friends.she i my best friend and my lover. she has been there in my ups and downs.now she is asking me to choose.The truth is I really my other woman but I am not ready to leave my wife.i know my wife for years and this other woman for months. although i know she loves me but you know time can change people, I am afraid to risk my wife in exchange of a woman that i need to know more.My other woman is single which makes me think im unworthy. she can find a better man to focus on her. and give undivided attention. my other woman wants to pressure me because she wants to have a baby.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): The OPs wife would have had her baby by now. Perhaps an update Oakwood?
-LoveGirl
A
female
reader, lanimar  +, writes (16 September 2010):
You want it both obviously. Every man know what is right including you. But you don't want what is right. But many has forgotten very act has a consequence. You will either enjoy it or suffer. Since you are asking here, I think your conscience is speaking. Your conscience won't be speaking if nothing is wrong. What is wrong? It is all up to you. Think what is the outcome of your actions. Who do you want to be the rest of your life? You can have both, but you have to pay the price, however expensive it is. You have a brain, not just balls. It is your life. PS: Your child with your mistress will be illegitimate. You want illegitimate children? Illegitimate children does not carry your surname unless adopted. Adoption? Additional expenses.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): choosing the mistress is a SELFISH decision. Know your priorities. Have the decency to commit to your family and do your duty as a father.
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A
female
reader, anita2010  +, writes (4 March 2010):
it is not black and white. Mistresses are not evil people and wives the angels. I have been in both sides on the story and it is just complicated! You are just a man that fell in love again, who can judge you for that? I know whatever decision you take it will hurt. I know it was difficult for your mistress to take the decision of leaving you. I am glad both of you will remain close.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): you know what i think we should just stop answering, this guy obviously wont listen to our advice maybe our time is better spent helping people who actually listen to us instead of this person who is contradicting 8 people who have all told him the same thing.
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female
reader, Aussie girl  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 The one you fall in love with is the one you marry, simple as that. Unless you were forced into an arranged marriage it was your choice to marry your wife, your choice to move to a different country and your choice to get yourself a mistress.
If you are wanting anyone here to say, "obviously you were meant to be be with the mistress so go run off with her and be happy", then you are living in a dream world!
And to top it all off your mistress wants a baby as well??? Then what? Move countries and get another mistress pregnant? I think you are not worth the time your wife has put into you and YOU dont deserve her, you should be thanking your lucky stars on a daily basis that she is still with you after leaving her and taking off to another country. I truly hope she wakes up and leaves your sorry arse!Have I ever wondered if my partner is the one?? Yes several times when we were just b/f and g/f then I really thought about it when he asked me to marry him. Isn't that why you married your wife, because she was the ONE??
And yes you are spineless, you're also childish, selfish and inconsiderate!!
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male
reader, OAKWOOD +, writes (11 January 2010):
OAKWOOD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are keep on calling me spineless.
may I ask you. can you tell me that you really found the one you love? the one you can see to be with you the rest of your life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): "I am sacraficing everything for my family" bull dust. please do not think that you are a victim and that you are being a martyr for choosing your pregnant wife. i said this before and i will say it again: "your unborn kid will be better off without a spineless person like you. " your wife deserves so much better than you , in fact there is better out there and she needs to find true love, not be with someone who doesn't give a damn about her, and certainly not someone so pig headed as you. you are not a victim so stop feeling sorry for yourself. i just feel sorry for your unborn kid.
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male
reader, OAKWOOD +, writes (10 January 2010):
OAKWOOD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs of now my mistrees decided to end enverything. although we decided to maintain communication. I told her that in case of emergency or she needs something she is free to talk to me.
I am sacraficing everything for my family. But I admit something inside me that tells me she is special. just that it so happens that she came to my life too late.
i told her that even though that we cannot make this relationship works becuase of my commitment and the world around us she is still in my heart which is really is. That when we grow old at least when there is a chance that we meet we will still greet one another.
lets face is in a lifetime there is a little chance to meet someone who really cares and loves you in every sense of the word.
I know everyone hate mistresses here. labeling them home wrecker and everything. Money? She had more than me. Sex? I think if she really likes she can find a better looking guy.
Love in true sense of the word also happens between a guy and his mistress.
We parted ways thinking about each other. she is also thinking about my family. while I am thibnking about her future. Just wishin find someone who will love her greater that I am...
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female
reader, meg2989  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Then why did you marry her if you felt you weren't compatable with her? There must have been something, some reason you fell in love with your wife, some type of spark. Remember it and hold on to it. There will always be a missed oppurtunity with someone else. For example your wife and mistriss. If you choose your mistriss there will be missed oppurtunities with your wife, someone that you know will stand by your side and already has. You chose to be with her once, you took vows, and promised to care and love for her, can't you remember what drew you to her in the first place. There are times when I think about if I'm with the person I am supposed to be with, and then I remember why I fell in love with them, and reminds me why I still am in love with him. You don't marry someone and commit to someone on that level and then wonder if you are supposed to be with them. Thats why you date. I really think this is selfish of you. You need to be with your wife, who you made a commitment to and who you love. You are going to have a baby, and that IS a big deal. When you make a baby you need to plan for that baby as well. Babies deserve two parents that love them if they are able to have them. Right now it seems like you are trying to still date, even though you are married. If you wanted that, then why did you marry your wife in the first place? You need to try to make your marriage work. It can be tough at times no one said marriage was easy, but when you truely love someone then you are willing to try. It doesn't sound like you are trying at all. All you are thinking is: I love this other woman and she could be right for ME, and what should I choose ( emphasis on the I) and what if I missed an oppurtunity. Not about how much your wife loves you, not about your baby not having a daddy if you choose this mistriss. You are being selfish. Can't you at least see that? You shouldn't have ever been with this other woman in the first place and now you are torn. Don't commit if you don't know how, much less bring a baby into this world.
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female
reader, katkat +, writes (5 January 2010):
You should stay with your wife. Why? Would you want to go with the woman that is single. It may be fun for now. However, later you will regret. Hopefully, this doesnt sound mean to you. Keep your family, if you know what I know it isnt worth gold or silver to lose your family over. Get marriage counseling or other sound advise. I been through myself on different issues in a relationship. Try to save your marriage. Please!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): no you're not going to listen to any of us !!!!! we've told you again and again that you should choose your wife and you're still trying to convinve us that you should go with your mistress
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male
reader, OAKWOOD +, writes (5 January 2010):
OAKWOOD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionis there a time that you asked yourself. if your current partner is the one you want to be the rest of your life?
Aside from morality and responsibility this is also the question i ask myself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): your unborn kid will be better off without a spineless person like you.
if you lover is prepared to have an affair with a married man well that speaks volumes of her, doesn't it?
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Yes, you absolutely chose your pregnant wife and your child (I'm not sure how your parents figure into this). Sorry, but I doubt anyone here is going to tell you otherwise.
Are you honestly confused about why your wife and child should be your priority? You haven't given us any reasons why you want to leave your wife other than that you are lonely. The solution to that is to move where she is or for her to come to you.
You said yourself you are not ready to leave your wife and that you've only known this woman for a few months. You do not want to risk your marriage for a woman you've only known a short time. These are YOUR words and the advice here reflects the information we've been given.
Jace has been in your situation and I strongly suggest you take his words to heart.
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male
reader, OAKWOOD +, writes (4 January 2010):
OAKWOOD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo it means that I choose my wife becuase of the kid and my parents and forget my mistress even though i love her and see her to be my future?
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 January 2010):
Maybe your wife could be there when you need her and show you love if you lived in the same country...just a thought.
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male
reader, OAKWOOD +, writes (3 January 2010):
OAKWOOD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for those who replied.
On another side of the coin.
Im also afraid of missed opportunities.
what if my mistress is really the one that i really to be with?
My wife is younger of 10 years from me. while my mistress is just 2 years younger than me. i think my mistress and i are compatible. she can read what I am thinking. and understands what i need. also she is there for me when i need her most. when i am down she is there on my side.
all my life i am longing for someone who will be really showing love to me. you know someone that has initiative to show her love.
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male
reader, Jace +, writes (2 January 2010):
I've been in the same situation, where both my wife and mistress were pregant and I had to look at the fact I had wronged two people. Take a step back, look at your wife and ask what made you fall in love with her? Do you really want to hurt her anymore. Chances are the new girl is just that a new girl all the excitment well fade as the new grows old. In the end you need to look at which girl you love with your full heart. Both women deserve to know about each other. And only then can you start to decide. Regardless of what happenes here there is an innocent child that will be born in this whole mix up. He or she NEEDS both parents. I wish you the best.
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female
reader, julie52  +, writes (2 January 2010):
You dont think this other woman is just wanting something she cant have , like you say time changes people as i just found out myself , so please my saying is if you cant make a desision , then you should not even be thinking of choosing stay with what you know , dont lead a life of i wonders
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female
reader, meg2989 +, writes (2 January 2010):
Do you really comprehend what you are asking? First off, you should NOT be cheating on your PREGNANT WIFE! Second, even if you weren't married... would you really chose someone that you hardly know, opposed someone that has been with you for four years and is now carrying your child. And you SHOULD feel responsible for getting her pregnant, she is your wife! You would think you would want to have children with her. My suggestion is that you find another job and move back to where your wife is. You are being completly unfaithful and unfair to her. Sleeping around with another woman while your wife is waiting for you to come home to her. ( and it makes it harder on her now that she's preggers, trust me) Are you really considering getting this new woman pregnant anyways??? Where's your brain? Do you intend to attempt to live two different lives? If you're feeling lonely go take a trip and visit your WIFE. Call her, mail her a letter. Email for godsake!If you're sexually deprived send her a ticket to come to where you are and have a weekend of mind blowing sex! And during the long weeks, theres phone sex, or she can make videos and send them to you! The list goes on, so don't even start with the I was sexually deprived bs. If I were in your shoes and that lonely I would only try to make my relationship with my significant other stronger! Remember those vows, for better or for worse, in sickness and health, for richer for poorer, till death do us part??? Don't take vows if you don't man them! This is one of those for better or for worse times. And don't take it out on your wife, YOU are the one that chose to go over seas and take the job, you may have decided it together but it was ultimately your decision. Now you are going to have a baby so you need to wise up and man up fast, because now you're gonna have a baby to come home to. Stop your cheating. You don't get involved in relationships when you are already taken. Simple enough. When you cheat, thats when you make things hard on yourself and on the people that love you. If this other woman claims to love you as much as she does, then she'll let you go. Love isn't supposed to be selfish but you've made it that way. Straighten up. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): wife. cant put it any more simple than that
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